Just wanted to tell somebody

[shameonme]

Hi,

I dont expect any magic cures from this, I just really wanted to tell somebody and dont have the courage to tell those close to me.

I'm 30yo and struggling with a porn addiction. I was exposed to porn (and more) by an older boy that lived on my street; at a very young age (around 10 or so). I've been looking at porn on and off ever since.

As with most porn addicts, I feel incredibly ashamed after looking at it and vow to never look at it again. But then the urge slowly build up and before I know it I'm looking at it again.

I have a girlfriend and can generally (but not always) resist the urge to look when I'm at home. But my job involves a lot of travel, living out of hotel rooms, and it's during these times that I find it the hardest to resist. My job even took me to Amsterdam for a conference...I'm sure you can imaging how hard it would be to resist porn in Amsterdam!! Its everywhere you look. They seem to celebrate it over there.

Im worried about the effect its having on my mind and my relationship. I really want to do the right thing by my girlfriend as I love her very much.

I'll keep reading all the great suggestion/comments on this forum and hopefully I (like so many others) will find a way to beat this addiction.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

[Big Country]

Well, you are not alone. We all feel your pain and the first step is to stop minimizing it's hold on you or the potential it has to destroy your life if you let it. I can see by your screen name and what you wrote, this is an embarassing and painful addiction for you. Please read my tagline about that.

[mo4wo1]

You are heard.

Here's a list of my preferred sites for info & some books on the subject:

www.sexhelp.com/
*I took the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) myself and it was very helpful for me. The test & my researching this topic helped me to recognize & accept my own addiction as well as help me understand my H's addiction behaviors better than ever.

www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Sex/sexual_addiction/partners.asp

www.recoverynation.com/
* One note of caution about this site: It makes lots of noises & sounds when you navigate through it.

www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/article.htm

"Don't Call It Love" by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

"Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

"Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli
* A member here with an amazing book list of her own recently recommended this. I read it several months ago but not fully. But what I did get from it was helpful & the recent recommendation of it has stirred my interest again. I found mine at my local library. You may have it available to you at yours.

Best wishes,
Mo

[shameonme]

Thanks for the comments and suggestions. I'll take a look at the links provided, right now.

P.S: Great tagline BC....so true

[wamu]

hey man one book i read advised me that if u travel the 1st thing u should do when u get in the hotel room is throw a blanket over the TV. then u just got to beat the laptop. U can do it bro.