|
Post by emptyanddestroyed on Dec 15, 2007 11:37:41 GMT -5
I'm an so, but I know that my h wants to know about this but can only access the internet from work and can't go onto this site, so I thought I would ask for him.
He has stopped p/mb for about three months now, but is still having "flashes" of images about ten times a day. He gets rid of them as soon as they come and says that he doesn't want them and doesn't let them completely form or stay in his head. He has been looking at p and has been an sa for over twenty-five years.
He's been going every night to SA meetings and he said that a lot of the guys there struggle with this even after years. As an SO, this is not something I handle very well and for him, as an sa, it is something he hopes will lessen in severity and frequency and he works on his recovery and time goes on.
So, my question is, if you have been in recovery, do the images/flashes ever go away or is this a constant struggle even after years/months of recovery? Is there any insight that you can give me that I can pass along to him? Thank you so much.
|
|
|
Post by ferdberfil on Dec 15, 2007 13:18:43 GMT -5
I haven't been an active SA for as long as your husband (thankfully), but I've experienced these "flashbacks" myself and they do last for quite a while. However, as long as they are not MB'd to, and as long as they are not refreshed by looking at any new porn, they will decrease in frequency and intensity. However, it's been nearly a year free of porn use for me and I still have occasional flashes. But they are quite fleeting at this point.
-FB
|
|
|
Post by Big Country on Dec 15, 2007 15:21:34 GMT -5
I would agree that when I was new to fighting this addiction, I had a hundred struggles a day keeping my mind free if mental images and fantasy's. I've been at it for about three years now and I would say that at it's worst, it is a couple of times a day and I actually go days without even thinking about it.
for the one's that have been going to SA meetings for years and still have so much struggle, I wonder how long they have been sober?
With time, for me, the amount of time spent thinking about p has greatly decreased, like about 98%. It doesn't come easily though. It also doesn't come by just stopping a behavior. I believe a person needs to work on why he has the addiciton and what he needs to change in himself to not need it to fill the void. Just abstaining doesn't do much for the fight for me.
|
|
chad32
Full Member
Becoming pure again...
Posts: 117
|
Post by chad32 on Dec 15, 2007 18:09:39 GMT -5
I've had lots of those "flashbacks" of images. I guess it's one of the things which has always characterised my addiction.
It is very different now that I am 40 days clean of P, however. At the time, the images were really clear - almost as clear as a photograph, and would last (be available) for a day or two, until I got my next fix.
Now, the images are still there, but that are far fuzzier, and hazy. I hope that one day they will reduce enough that I can ignore them altogether.
I had a similar flashback incident following a serious car accident which I had 2 years ago. I had a crystal clear picture in front of my eyes of the road junction which I missed, and frequent flashback haunted me. It continued really clear for about a month, but then faded. I can still remember the image, but it no longer haunts me everywhere I go.
All of these flashbacks are really horrible, and I am looking forward to having a clean heart and washed eyes.
Chad
|
|
|
Post by kyle on Dec 15, 2007 19:21:27 GMT -5
I think each person is different with regards to these "Flashbacks". I can't say for sure how to deal with them because I myself have never had them but, I would imaging, like many painful things that creep up for folks from time to time, as you deal with them each time, the pain becomes less and less and eventually they will no longer be a bother. They may still happen but will mean nothing to him.
Being that his recovery is still in a new stage, I would suggest that when they do happen that he continues to do what he has been doing. From what you have said it seems to be working and he is fighting them off. Continue to remain focused on his goal to be free and in time, I think they will become nothing more than a random thought. He seems to have a handle on it so as long as he doesn't act upon them he will be fine.
|
|
|
Post by imtheoneincontrol on Dec 16, 2007 3:12:21 GMT -5
I was about to say I never have flashbacks, but that's not true. Last night I had a dream I was in a p scene. But generally I don't have many. I'm only almost 8 days sober. If your question is, will men ever quit imagining younger women in erotic situations? I doubt it. I don't think that's just true for porn addicts, though.
|
|
|
Post by emptyanddestroyed on Dec 16, 2007 17:19:28 GMT -5
Thanks for the replies. He does say that the images are decreasing in intensity and that it is becoming more of a habit rather than a struggle to get them away (which does seem to depend on his stress/depression level). He has not looked at p or mb for three months, but even more importantly, he has stopped his fantasizing. I think that his fantasizing was much more frequent than his actual p usage (although the p fueled the fantasies). His images aren't full blown fantasies, but just "pictures" of p images or whatnot that invade his head. They bother both him and me. Him because he feels like he is consciously working so hard on his recovery and changing his whole world view and for me because every time he has one it feels like he is once again cheating on me.
Thanks again for your replies and I wish you strength in your recoveries.
|
|