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Post by addict70 on Dec 13, 2007 17:32:44 GMT -5
I'm just starting to attack my P habit seriously. 4 days now. Congrats me! Anyway I have this habit recently of being a bit of a flirt. Nothing crass or sexual, just trying to make pretty girls laugh, dancing with girls, etc. As seen in my previous posts I've been divorced after a marriage that's lasted about my entire adult life so this is the first time in over 10 years I've had the freedom to do so, however, I'm certainly in no shape to start a relationship. What are your thoughts on flirting? Is it a healthy thing for me to be doing or should I avoid it?
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Post by ethanm on Dec 13, 2007 17:40:45 GMT -5
If your flirting leads you to unacceptable behaviors, don't do it.
If you can maintain flirting by itself and not flirt to take advantage of a girl or build a fantasy to use in your head, I see nothing wrong with that, my wife and I are coming back on "flirting terms" again now, I enjoy it and it probably keeps me sexually rooted in reality.
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maart
New Member
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Post by maart on Dec 13, 2007 18:00:07 GMT -5
I think it's totally healthy, and I don't think (while looking at myself) that flirting has anything to do with a P addiction. I even think it maybe good for your recovery, I mean these girls are ALIVE, you interact, have a good time ect. And flirting doesn't mean that you're open to have a relationship. Well, these are my thoughts anyway, good luck.
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Post by addict70 on Dec 13, 2007 18:15:29 GMT -5
Thanks guys, that's pretty much the way I feel about it, but I just want to make sure I'm not cheating myself. I suppose it comes down to using good judgment. I think I'll keep being my sociable self, but I need to remain concious of my thoughts and feelings to be sure I'm not entering into that forbidden zone and giving the enemy a new door in which to enter.
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Post by swisha on Dec 13, 2007 18:24:46 GMT -5
It seems the question has already been answered but anyway!
flirting beings you closer to people, and encourages you to develop strong bonds with the people around you. It takes you as far from porn as physically possible. I promote it because you makes you focus on developing your social skills and relationships.
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Post by completelydone on Dec 13, 2007 18:55:33 GMT -5
If your flirting leads you to unacceptable behaviors, don't do it. If you can maintain flirting by itself and not flirt to take advantage of a girl or build a fantasy to use in your head, I see nothing wrong with that, my wife and I are coming back on "flirting terms" again now, I enjoy it and it probably keeps me sexually rooted in reality. What monkey boy said.  |
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Post by addict70 on Dec 13, 2007 19:10:31 GMT -5
It seems the question has already been answered but anyway! Totally cool. The more opinions the better. "Monkey boy" ha! A monkey avatar would probably be a more accurate depiction of my social skills as well. ;D |
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Post by Big Country on Dec 13, 2007 22:15:54 GMT -5
I would say that appropriate flirting is completly normal and to be expected. The danger lies in carrying out the fantasy later when you are alone. That would be a big trigger to me and something hard to avoid.
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Post by imtheoneincontrol on Dec 14, 2007 0:08:21 GMT -5
Flirting is definitely healthy. It helps you become relaxed around the opposite sex, and that's a good thing. It could even lead to something bigger and more meaningful. Flirting is the way the two sexes come to enjoy each other. It banishes "stalker eyes." It sends the message to women: "You're not just a piece of meat in my mind."
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Post by addict70 on Dec 14, 2007 16:43:02 GMT -5
Flirting is definitely healthy. It helps you become relaxed around the opposite sex, and that's a good thing. It could even lead to something bigger and more meaningful. Flirting is the way the two sexes come to enjoy each other. It banishes "stalker eyes." It sends the message to women: "You're not just a piece of meat in my mind." Twards the end of my marriage I found myself leering for the first time. I always prided myself on not doing that all throughout my youth, not that I consider 29 old, but for a young guy I think I was pretty respectful of women, except of course alone and acting out. I think my addiction was really starting to change my personality. I broke the leering habit pretty quick, now it's time to break it's cause. Flirting on the other hand is fun. And I have to say, I think I'm getting pretty good at it.  A little manners, sprinkle in some male bravado and I'm a regular Pepe Le Pew. ;D |
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Post by Wayward One on Dec 14, 2007 22:52:59 GMT -5
Speaking from my experience and nothing more, flirting can lead to other things. Now it does depend. If you're married, then flirting is definitely a bad thing, but if you're not. Well you have to be very careful.
Be sure that your flirting is not some sort of pseudo "power trip" as I think it is with me. It is about the chase and "conquering" that next woman/girl. There was something inside me that was dying to be "approved" of, or liked or whatever. Then once I was dating them I didn't stop flirting.
Now I have to plead guilty and say that my experience may not be yours but I give it to you as a word of warning to "check your motives" when you're flirting. Flirting is exciting, but it can become a "drug" in somebody who's already predisposed to addictive behavior.
Hopefully that doesn't come off to sanctimonious and rude. I mean it with genuine concern.
Good Luck.
EW
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Post by addict70 on Dec 14, 2007 23:15:46 GMT -5
Hopefully that doesn't come off to sanctimonious and rude. I mean it with genuine concern. Not in the slightest. I appreciate the input. |
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A little manners, sprinkle in some male bravado and I'm a regular Pepe Le Pew. ;D