Starting Day 1

[padhana]

Ok...so I discovered this board and have been reading a lot. It's been empowering to discover that so many people have a similar history and struggle as what I've been facing for so, so long. I've truly felt alone for many years.

My story is not unique. I started using P in my early teens, never thought it was much of a problem until I realized that I spent too much time with it in college and used it to compensate for other social deficiencies in my life. After college the trend continued (I'm 33 now), ebbing and flowing but always present. It has pretty much been a daily part of my life as long as I can remember. Something I always have wanted to stop, but something that I come back too over, and over, and over again. I always say I will stop "after this one time", or "tomorrow". But it never stops.

I'm tired of the excuses and I realize how hard this is going to be. With all of the availability on the net, I realize that breaking what has been a daily habit is going to be a huge struggle. But I am committed to try.

So my goal for now is to make it thru today. For once, I want to not say "tomorrow", but to say "today" instead. I would like to think that I can make it 30 days, but that seems impossible right now. I am confident that today I can make it, and hopefully tomorrow I will be able to say the same.

I welcome any comments and can use encouragement. I will keep posting as things progress.

[addict70]

I'm in muich the same situation. I'm 29 and just 4 days ago decided seriously to call it quits for good. Like you I feel like I've tried a million times before but excuses, self pity, and "tomorrows" held me back. Already the past 2 days the urge hit every time I logged on so the first thing I've done is come here and write in my journal. Posting about it, while it's happening has helped. It is hard, it's hard right now, and I know every day is going to be a struggle but it feels great to know today I'm clean. My habit has gone from bad to super bad, almost daily and at times days on end. All it's done for me is shatter my marriage and make me feel like a disgusting human being. I wont pretend I'm qualified to give advice, but hold strong and do whatever it takes. There's dudes here that have years under their belt. If they can do it so can we.

[kyle]

Since both of you posted in the same thread this applies to both of you. Padhana and Addict70,

To start things off I want to say this. Like all my other initial posts, the words here are completely heartfelt. I have written several to new folks and I have the same intent behind each of them, but it is sometimes hard for me to get the words right. I have made this one that I send to the newcomers and want you to know that I mean everything written. I think John has a similar thing and I agree with him that These are sincere words to you and each new person here.

I first want to welcome you both to the first day of your new life. I, and many others, will tell you that you have taken a HUGE first step in your goal of recovery. You have opened yourself up and allowed others to see and for many, that is the Hardest part of all. Truly admitting that you have a problem is big in starting your recovery.

I am glad that you have chosen to seek out help. I waited much too long, 20+ years, and it nearly destroyed my family. Congratulations on seeing this as a problem and taking the appropriate steps to break free.

As for me, I follow God. I know others here do not have the same beliefs as I, and they will be sharing with you as well. I follow my faith very closely now and have grown a lot because of that. I have begun a free on line course at www.settingcaptivesfree.com called the way of purity. This is a biblically based course that I have found extremely helpful with my recovery. there are several of us on this forum who I have seen are committed to this course and have been helped by it.

Secondly, there are several book that are very good reading and have excellent advise to follow. I am currently reading The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott . I have a couple more waiting in the wings to read; Facing your Giants by Max Lucado and a couple that are also marriage related. The seven principles for making Marriage work by John Gottman and The war Within by Robert Daniel. I have found these very helpful so far and look forward to picking up th next book to continue in the right direction.

Third I would suggest coming here often. I come here daily and read what others are going through and it helps me to see where I was, where I am and most importantly, where I am going. Focus is a key and maintaining that focus will carry me through.

Again I welcome you both and wish you great successes in your recovery from this horrible sin that has plagued our lives.

God bless you and yours. Keep the faith my Brothers,