How do you handle life without P?

[charles515]

I finally realized my cycle of P.

A new or stressful situation will happen or a there is a significant event impending: new job, new responsibilities, new GF, stress, upcoming event, major exam, etc..and I will feel a strong urge for P.

I will either hold out or indulge when this urge hits. Once I indulge one time, it becomes a habit for a few days or weeks or months. If I am determined and disciplined I can break the habit and return to normalcy. I will stay in the "normal period" as long as no significant events or stress occur. But like I said, sometimes the pressures are too much and I give in. When I was unhappy with my life, I used some form of P every day.

However, until I learn to deal with life effectively, I will always fall into the trap of P and will have to break the habit again. If I use to P to deal with life events, I am not confronting the issue. But even being aware of the issue is not enough. I need to understand what I need.

Do I use P to forget? To ease the stress? It's true that all the events have an element of stress in them, just different forms. But just being aware of the stress is not enough. I need to confront the issues head on, but I don't know exactly what to confront. Maybe I need to pinpoint what is the stress factor. Is it expectations? When a new situation comes about, certain things are expected of me and I demand so much of myself, I try to ignore it.

[somedude]

I figured out that I actually have to DEAL with life. When I used porn, I wasn't dealing with life very much. Mostly porn just led me to believe I could avoid feelings, avoid uncomfortable things, etc. The reality is that I still had to deal with those things eventually, usually they were much worse because I tried to avoid them.

Without pornography, I've been able to see things as they are a lot more often. I've been able to live in the moment. More often than not, I know how I'm feeling, and if I feel some kind of unpleasant emotion, I take immediate action to deal with it.

Trust me, it's a lot easier to deal with life without your porn colored glasses!

Tim

[lifeforce]

Stress factors can be good as well as bad. The P can enter as a "celebratory" gesture, or a "frustrational" gesture. Either way it's a bad move, but I always found the former to be somehow more frustrating. "Why am I sabotaging myself whenever something great happens to me?" was a very familiar question to me for a long time. I was very proud of myself that, during the run up to my wedding, I didn't fall into a P binge at all, although that was a stressful time. The thing I'm watching out for now is the decision I will be making with my wife as to when to have children. That could be the source of major anxiety, always something I have to worry about because it could lead back to bad P bouts if I don't take care of myself and keep a close watch on my mental state.

[charles515]

I'm reading this book called "Getting to the Heart of Addiction." The author's main premise is that we get triggered due to feelings of helplessness.

Then he told of a story about how someone who achieved success, a promotion, triggered his addiction. He wrote that "there are quite a few people who have trouble with feelings - anxiety, guilt, or shame - that may be aroused by success. Like any overwhelming flood of feelings, that may become a precipitant of addictive behavior because such a flood creates the internal experience of helplessness - here, helplessness induced by success."

I'm not sure what the author meant, but maybe it's the flood of ANY feelings, good or bad, that cause me to resort to P.

[rockwell]

Great thread.

I see a lot of myself in these postings so I have nothing to add. Watch out for success, watch out for anxiety and uncertainty. All triggers. Be vigilant in all circumstances.

rockwell

[davion2308]

This is my exact cycle, Charles515! I will go a few days without P. I fee like I don't need it. Then, either something goes very wrong or something goes very right, and I splurge on a multi-hour binge. Then, the next several days, I try to break out and I fail. Finally, after I settle down for a few days, I'll go one day for a long time, then get better for a few days.

it's STRESS. I am learning to deal with the real world and that helps. P is an escape for me and I use it to avoid whatever problems are happening. If I face my life's problems head-on, I can deal with them. I don't need P.

Stay tough!

[imtheoneincontrol]

I hear you, charles.

Stressful things definitely trigger in me the urge to go for the porn. I had a first date the other evening, and the ambiguity of new relationships often leaves me unsettled. I wanted porn big time. Instead I took some more time, all the while struggling with myself. One moment I decided to do it, the next moment I decided not to. I turned on my meditational albums and came here. These stimuli really calmed me down. I let the meditational selections play on and on, all the while letting the soothing sound and voice seep into my psyche. I wasn't even listening to it anymore, but it was still there. I think i need these things just as a child needs a mother's voice. Anyway, I'm learning to deal with stress and ambiguity myself. This is a lifelong challenge, and new situations will require new measures.

[unico]

Very well thank you