Post by due4change on Dec 13, 2007 3:18:44 GMT -5
So as of a couple days ago it has been 2 months P free and with no real urges in quite some time. So that is a good thing but that is also the problem.
You see since I have had many other things going on in my life (see my journal for more detail) I have not really been thinking about porn at all. Now while that seems good at first it really isn't as I have basically stopped talking to my wife about it. This has of course started her thinking that I am reverting back to the many times before in which I was lying about not doing it. So it has been her that has been bringing it up and asking me about it, in which I tell her I haven't thought about it and she really just doesn't believe me. Now the things that have been really on my mind are starting to clear up, I'm worried that I'm going to start thinking about P again and also getting urges.
Now I am confident that I can overcome the urges, what I really want is to be able to have my wife there for support without her thinking I am only saying it because of her being upset at me not talking about it.
You see it almost feels like a damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of situation. I really need to have my wife there for support yet she is going to be convinced that it is all a farse. At least that is what it feels like to me.
I guess this is more of a vent than to really ask for much help but I'm just so at a loss as what to do. I get that I haven't been talking to her and I am sorry for that, I just found it easier not to think about it at all. She also mentioned how getting lazy about my recovery can come back and bite me in the ass if I am not careful. So I guess the best I can do is just start talking to her more and more as well as start back into reading this site and posting. Then I only hope that someday she will start to get a little bit of trust back.
Anyone else every get themselves into this kind of a mess or have experience dealing with it?
You see since I have had many other things going on in my life (see my journal for more detail) I have not really been thinking about porn at all. Now while that seems good at first it really isn't as I have basically stopped talking to my wife about it. This has of course started her thinking that I am reverting back to the many times before in which I was lying about not doing it. So it has been her that has been bringing it up and asking me about it, in which I tell her I haven't thought about it and she really just doesn't believe me. Now the things that have been really on my mind are starting to clear up, I'm worried that I'm going to start thinking about P again and also getting urges.
Now I am confident that I can overcome the urges, what I really want is to be able to have my wife there for support without her thinking I am only saying it because of her being upset at me not talking about it.
You see it almost feels like a damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of situation. I really need to have my wife there for support yet she is going to be convinced that it is all a farse. At least that is what it feels like to me.
I guess this is more of a vent than to really ask for much help but I'm just so at a loss as what to do. I get that I haven't been talking to her and I am sorry for that, I just found it easier not to think about it at all. She also mentioned how getting lazy about my recovery can come back and bite me in the ass if I am not careful. So I guess the best I can do is just start talking to her more and more as well as start back into reading this site and posting. Then I only hope that someday she will start to get a little bit of trust back.
Anyone else every get themselves into this kind of a mess or have experience dealing with it?
