Post by fragile on Dec 12, 2007 12:54:55 GMT -5
Some of you might remember November 26, 2007, midnight (Mountain Time). It was the day I joined. Some of you were the first to welcome me. Some didn't welcome me, and that's OK 
It's been two weeks now that I've been clean. This board generated my ticke to being clean for this period of time. First, I was referred to settingcaptivesfree.com and it's been the biggest blessing in my recovery. Basing my recovery on biblical principles is truly the easiest, and best way to become free indeed.
To tell the truth, the last two weeks flew by so fast, I try to check the calendar to make sure it's really two weeks and not a couple days. "Time flies when you're having fun." (I believe that's the theory of relativity.. right?) Anyways, the feeling that this board generates is great. The fact that we are able to share some of our greatest secrets and let our addiction into the light is big enough of a factor. I've only told one person about it in person, and that person is out of state and hasn't called me yet, and don't know if he will. Even if he doesn't, I know I got people here I could talk to and share my concerns, troubles, triumphs, and every day experiences.
Change in thoughts is also a big result of the two weeks of being here. I'm not married yet, but I've read how married people handle it and it might be of good help when I do marry, so I can fight it off together. I now this addiction won't go away in a matter of weeks or months. Years? maybe. I just want to break free so my true, healthy feelings for a girl might elevate and the junk reduced. I can't believe love hit me at this age while when I actively viewed porn I had no such feelings. And I don't know why, but the feelings literally emerged within a time-span of a day or two. Am I really free? I have something to strive for now. I'm not doing the recovery just to be free from porn and mb. I'm doing it for HER just because if my future is with HER, I want it to be clean and healthy. I just hope that when she finds out what I feel about her and how I feel about her, she feels the same about me. I don't know how I will, if things work out between me and her, I will present my recovery to her, but I think she'll understand since she has a history of "double life" herself that she already told me about. It's not as secret as mine, but it's nothing good either. Any advice in that area will be greatly appreciated.
Urges... Boy have they hit me lately. Images and videos replayed in my head uncontrollably. I was able to survive all of them so far, and I know it's only by God's grace I'm still free. I don't know how it happens, but as much as I think about the one I just started to love, dirt still runs through my head, and much less now, but with greater intensity making it harder and harder to stand through every urge.
Feeding the right dog... I know there's a spiritual side to me and that's the battleground. I know the only way that I could become free is to stop feeding the "bad" dog. But, if I don't feed the "good" dog in the process both die. I've been going through the Way of Purity course day by day and it helped greatly. I've been able to understand scriptures better and better and implement them into my life. As I mentioned above, I'm basing this recovery on biblical principles. Has the hungry dog become possessed with hunger? Maybe... It's been able to strike less frequently, but when it does, man it takes it to me. I mean the urges get so bad that I, recently, was just a thought or two away from dipping
Need some serious support right now.
That's kind of like my reflection/rave/rant and everything in between about the last two weeks I experienced on this board and in m recovery.
God bless, and hope everyone has a wonderful day, and if anyone has any advice for a young dude trying to live a little better life, please... I'm broken because of the amount of pain and discomfort this recovery is bringing on me. However good it might feel, there's a lot of pain involved.
Anyways, I'll shut up any time now.
It's been two weeks now that I've been clean. This board generated my ticke to being clean for this period of time. First, I was referred to settingcaptivesfree.com and it's been the biggest blessing in my recovery. Basing my recovery on biblical principles is truly the easiest, and best way to become free indeed.
To tell the truth, the last two weeks flew by so fast, I try to check the calendar to make sure it's really two weeks and not a couple days. "Time flies when you're having fun." (I believe that's the theory of relativity.. right?) Anyways, the feeling that this board generates is great. The fact that we are able to share some of our greatest secrets and let our addiction into the light is big enough of a factor. I've only told one person about it in person, and that person is out of state and hasn't called me yet, and don't know if he will. Even if he doesn't, I know I got people here I could talk to and share my concerns, troubles, triumphs, and every day experiences.
Change in thoughts is also a big result of the two weeks of being here. I'm not married yet, but I've read how married people handle it and it might be of good help when I do marry, so I can fight it off together. I now this addiction won't go away in a matter of weeks or months. Years? maybe. I just want to break free so my true, healthy feelings for a girl might elevate and the junk reduced. I can't believe love hit me at this age while when I actively viewed porn I had no such feelings. And I don't know why, but the feelings literally emerged within a time-span of a day or two. Am I really free? I have something to strive for now. I'm not doing the recovery just to be free from porn and mb. I'm doing it for HER just because if my future is with HER, I want it to be clean and healthy. I just hope that when she finds out what I feel about her and how I feel about her, she feels the same about me. I don't know how I will, if things work out between me and her, I will present my recovery to her, but I think she'll understand since she has a history of "double life" herself that she already told me about. It's not as secret as mine, but it's nothing good either. Any advice in that area will be greatly appreciated.
Urges... Boy have they hit me lately. Images and videos replayed in my head uncontrollably. I was able to survive all of them so far, and I know it's only by God's grace I'm still free. I don't know how it happens, but as much as I think about the one I just started to love, dirt still runs through my head, and much less now, but with greater intensity making it harder and harder to stand through every urge.
Feeding the right dog... I know there's a spiritual side to me and that's the battleground. I know the only way that I could become free is to stop feeding the "bad" dog. But, if I don't feed the "good" dog in the process both die. I've been going through the Way of Purity course day by day and it helped greatly. I've been able to understand scriptures better and better and implement them into my life. As I mentioned above, I'm basing this recovery on biblical principles. Has the hungry dog become possessed with hunger? Maybe... It's been able to strike less frequently, but when it does, man it takes it to me. I mean the urges get so bad that I, recently, was just a thought or two away from dipping
Need some serious support right now.That's kind of like my reflection/rave/rant and everything in between about the last two weeks I experienced on this board and in m recovery.
God bless, and hope everyone has a wonderful day, and if anyone has any advice for a young dude trying to live a little better life, please... I'm broken because of the amount of pain and discomfort this recovery is bringing on me. However good it might feel, there's a lot of pain involved.
Anyways, I'll shut up any time now.