|
Post by imtheoneincontrol on Dec 9, 2007 22:27:34 GMT -5
1. It's about as mysterious as this wierd addiction. I was binging for a while - sometimes going only 3 days in between. That my seem like a long while to stay sober for some addicts, but it was pretty short considering the intensity of the binges. I mean, imagine chugging three bottles of Popov's vodka in a row, and you've got some idea what I was up to. I realized I had a problem and tried to ween myself off. I never dreamed I'd give it up entirely; I just thought I'd be able to get my usage back to "respectable" levels. Then one day I realized what a jack-ass I was - how no matter what day range I shot for, I always broke it. Sometimes in spectacular fashion, like binging two days in a row. That was when I realized that, after a few years of this, I wasn't making any headway whatsoever.
2. And so, I googled "porn addiction" after a late, late night of a binge. This place popped up, and I started to read. I couldn't believe my eyes - people with the same frigg'n problem! People who felt helpless! Then I realized that I was helpless. The fellowships I developed were immediate and intense. I remember one member in particular, MJ, who hasn't been around in a long while. We became like brothers, even though we never exchanged any contact info whatsoever. I hope he's doing well. I also learned that I don't want to share my whole life story here all the time. I can't read everything, though I wanted to. Then I slipped in the fall, and that seemed like the end of an era. No longer did I expect to be clean forever. But now I'm back, and I want to be clean just for today.
|
|
bilh1119
New Member
Sobreity Date: 01/03/08, Longest sober: 25 days
Posts: 31
|
Post by bilh1119 on Dec 9, 2007 23:56:40 GMT -5
1. They had talked about porn addiction at church, and I thought that maybe I could be addicted, but didn't think much past that. I realized that I was an addict when I tried to stop and couldn't go more than a week without a binge.
2. I found this site with google (surprise, surprise) but did not join it for a few months. I finally decided to join one night when I was on a binge and I received notification of a new email. It was from my SO, and it was heartfelt and very, very sweet. I read it, felt guilty for a minute, and continued the binge for another 1/2 hour. I felt terrible and knew that I needed help. I decided to join the site and begin posting. That was November 19. (the number in my username - 1119). BILH stands for 'Because I Love Her.' This site has saved me from numerous binges in my short experience with it. I come here instead of binging. These boards really are a safe haven for tempted addicts.
|
|
|
Post by Clean2day on Dec 10, 2007 5:56:50 GMT -5
1. What was it that made you realize you are addicted to porn?
I knew I had trouble for a long time. I tried to quite and could only for a short time
2. How did you find this site?
I found this site when I went to a mens share group at one of the churches we went to. We had broken up into pares to "confess" and we had both the same problem. Talked for some time and was for awhile accountability partners. Through this site I found SCF Which I would recommend highly C2d
|
|
|
Post by slamdunk on Dec 10, 2007 15:41:23 GMT -5
1) one word: haemospermia (ouch). You can probably work out what it means but if not, look it up. Looking back, there were plenty of other signs prior to this but this was the first one I actually sat up and paid proper, rather than passing, attention to.
2) It was the first worthwhile search term I'd typed into google that day! It was a while longer before I joined; I read and read many personal accounts but was terrified of sharing my own. Finally I swallowed my pride and went for it. The response, from yourselves and from me, has been fantastic. It would be wrong to say I've never looked back, but I've never let go nor given up either.
Stay strong, Slam.
|
|
tw45
New Member
Posts: 28
|
Post by tw45 on Dec 10, 2007 17:40:58 GMT -5
About 5 years ago I began to accept that this was an addiction. It took a few months of research and evaluation to admit it and look for help.
I found this site by searching on google. I read the posts for about a month and have been a member for 2 months. It has been a good tool for me.
|
|
|
Post by unico on Dec 10, 2007 18:05:39 GMT -5
1/. Over a period of many months I remember frequently looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and asking myself if I was addicted to porn. I'm pretty sure I answered in the affirmation each time but i didn't FEEL addicted. I was simply unable to accept my behaviour had become out of contriol. I kept going until I reached a point where the pain of continuing in my addiction became greater than changing. That was over six months ago, and stopping porning was one of the hardest and best decisions I ever made. 2/. Google search
|
|
|
Post by Big Country on Dec 10, 2007 21:15:40 GMT -5
I don't think I realized I was addicted until about 3 years ago when I finally came to terms with what it was doing to my life and yet I was unable to quit. I then realized that I also had no idea of how to quit either. Still working on that one
I heard of this site through another person in my 12 step group.
|
|
|
Post by davion2308 on Dec 15, 2007 18:38:46 GMT -5
1. When I was in high school, I couldn't fall asleep until I saw some P. It was a habit, I used to think. Finally, after years of hiding it, lying, binging, pretending to be unwell to avoid real sex, and knowing it was a problem, I had a dream.
I dreamed my wife was yelling at me. She told me all my problems, all OUR problems, came from P. That I avoided reality and everything else because of P. She was right. I woke up, and I knew something had to change.
2. I was on cracked.com, reading about their p-off. It was a two-week challenge to cut p out of your life. I tried it and posted. It was more of a flame war, with insults and no real support. One guy did have this site linked to one of his comments and I checked it out. After reading for two hours what people have to say here, I registered. I've been P free for six days, which is nearing my record since the age of 12. I feel the strength of everyone and it makes me tougher. Thanks.
Stay tough!
|
|
falter
New Member
The only easy day was yesterday.
Posts: 2
|
Post by falter on Dec 19, 2007 8:09:19 GMT -5
1. I had been watching pornography for years and thought nothing of it. One night my wife walked in on me while I was MB+P on the computer, she was horrified, I was horrified. I decided at that time to no longer watch P... That was about three years ago. 2. A google search turned this site up.
|
|