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Post by pauljay on Oct 30, 2007 3:07:44 GMT -5
Hey NoMore86,
I'm glad I can be an encouragment to you. A double braided chord is not easily broken? There are many more verses about 2 being a strength. I'm glad I found you on here. I did find good info on here but... a friend to share this with makes all the difference.
I'll try post again tomorrow, 'cause there's more I wanted to say but it's really late and I'm loosing my train of thought cause I'm tired.
So, God bless and talk to you tomorrow I hope.
Pauljay:)
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Post by pauljay on Oct 30, 2007 12:11:17 GMT -5
Hello again,
Honestly, right now I feel like crap. I think my sleep has been thrown off or something or that I'm not numbed to the pain in my heart. Could you pray for me? I need to work through this pain step by step by God's leading and deal with it instead of ignore it.
Here it goes. I've had lots for my heart to be in pain about. And, this is going to hurt even to share. Yup, I just felt my heart to mechanical just to get through this.
My mom died 4 years ago in an accident on the highway. I was there when it happened. Our car had broken down and we were walking for help, when a young man coming home from work hit her at 100 km/h. One of her shoes was left where she was stepping. All I experienced was a wind that pushed me sideways 10 or so feet and heard what sounded like someone dropping a utility box on the highway (parts flying and tinkeling around). Took a second for us to realise what happened.
Since then, now that 4 years are past, I'm recovered enough from that to be able to hold a job, live on my own and even lead singing at church. (That really bothers me, leading and not being a very good example.. even if I'm the only one who knows... it kills and many times I've almost stopped serving.)
Anyway, that and other pains are on my heart and being grieved about my sin only adds to the pain. I've come to rely on his grace and understand what it is through all this. In my darkest moments when I couldn't do anything my hope was in his grace. Even the verse, those who don't work shouldn't eat rebuked me, but I was broken. Without my family I would have gone crazy with grief, without their help and support - emotionally and physically.
I've much to be thankful for now, but I'm still looking forward to a fuller life. What's all this for if good can't come out of it? What's all the grief for? I don't think God is so cruel as to give us salvation, say wait on earth for a while, let us go through crap for nothing. If there was no purpose to us being here, each person who accepted salvation would go to meet him instantly. Why should we be so far from him when there's no purpose? There is a purpose though and I hope in this for better days ahead. Days that glorify God.
I love him so much, but I fall so short. Thank God for his grace.
Please pray for me. I have good days, more often than not now a days, but having shared this will fluff some stuff up. And, like I mentioned before, things are rough at the moment.
This isn't the stuff I was planning to share last night, but it's something I needed to share. Thanks for listening.
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Post by nomore86 on Oct 30, 2007 23:55:44 GMT -5
Paul,
I'm so very sorry for all the pain you've had to endure. No one deserves to lose a loved one, especially not so violently. I haven't lost any close loved ones in my lifetime, so I of course can't offer you as much sympathy and encouragement as I wish I could. But believe me I've had more pain by other things in my life than anyone ever should.
Eventually, I'll explain myself a little more. I'm continuing to do well. I'm not even feeling any "urges" when I go online anymore! It's a complete answer to prayer. I love getting up in the morning and not feeling guilty for reading something I shouldn't have the night before. It's such an amazing feeling. If I could change anything, I'd only wish I had found this site sooner.
Well, we have something in common! I used to sing in church too! When I was little and into my teens I sang solos in church quite often. As I got older I didn't feel led to continue, so now I only sing in the shower. LOL.
Well, it's getting late. I'll talk to you soon. Lots of love. -NoMore
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Post by pauljay on Oct 31, 2007 13:42:40 GMT -5
Hey MnM, That's your new nickname. NoMore.. nm.. mnm.. MnMs mmm chocolate covered peanuts. hehe My heart still pangs a bit, but most of my days now are happy. Used to be that most of my days were hoping for happy. I used to wonder if I'd ever be happy again. I just read... listened to that in Job the other day, he wondered the same thing too! Even now, today and yesturday were pretty good days. Had a couple of rough days though before that. Waking up in the morning ... oh hmm maybe ... anyway (share that thought later). Later on... well, on Monday it was... I was sitting in my forklift at work thinking "Why do I feel so angry?" among other feelings all at once. God tipped me off though, said I should rebuke it. I figured, there's nothing that's happened in the last while to make me so angry.. maybe it's a spirit. So, I rebuked it and a few minutes later felt it leave. Since then I've had good mornings. Man, there's other stuff I want to do! I should go. Talk to you soon. Paul:)
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Post by nomore86 on Nov 1, 2007 23:07:52 GMT -5
Paul,
I'm glad your still doing well. Everybody has rough days like you are. It's a sign that your human. And normal. :-) Anger is something I'm very familiar with. I've spent a lot of time being angry. Angry at myself, angry at my abuser, angry at the world. For a while I was even angry at God. I had to ask forgiveness so many times for that, but in the end, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, I got the forgiveness I prayed for.
I read Psalm 91:9-10 last night. If you make the Most High your dwelling- even the Lord, who is my refuge- then no harm will come near you. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
It's funny how the Lord always directs me to the perfect verse, one that brings me comfort when I need it most.
Please, keep praying for me as I'm praying for you.
-NoMore
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Post by pauljay on Nov 4, 2007 4:14:50 GMT -5
Hey NoMore, How's it going? I wrote a post the other night. But now I realise it didn't post. Doh! I don't even remember what I might have said. Oh well. Things are good though. I also had a good thought as well regarding us singles. I've been thinking about how the feelings aren't bad, they just need to be directed rightly. We don't have someone at present to direct our attentions to, but I think it's alright to start thinking of them and honouring them now. What do you think? It gives me a little extra nudge and gives me a little hope to pull myself up on. It's a nice thought instead of... 'man! when?' I think when has already started. We can relax, let God prepare us and we can set our hopes on "no good thing will He withhold". See in part, prophecy in part... when the end comes these 3 remain... faith, hope and love. I began thinking about this a while back as well. If they remain, I bet they are important and core to how God has made us and delights for us to be. Now, before we are glorified we live by them and later they will still be core. Find things to hope in (count your blessings), find reasons to allow yourself to be loved and love others, allow your faith to be increased... All these things aren't possible except... thank God for the holy spirit. Rest in him. In God is found everything for life (more abundant) and godliness. And, he is faithful to finnish what he started. He knew us before and will bring us home. Home with God? Do we know God and realise what a joy this will be? We can't even imagine. All we see at times is the crap happening in our lives. In the end it will all pass away. Every tear whiped. Every heart rend soothed, anointed and restored. All this and more. By grace we make it through with enough faith to keep hoping and loving. By grace we will make it through the storms. God is with us but that doesn't mean he'll stop the storm. There is good and abundantly blessed times God will bless us with in our life time, but I don't think this life is meant for perfect... the perfect will come. That is our hope, and that others make it to that hope as well. God is our shore, our calm water, our refuge and strength. God is our hope and the source of our faith (a gift). I've read a scripture that says "If the righteous are barely saved..." By grace we stand, by Jesus and all he's done... for his sake, for his heart's sake, for his tender sensitive heart and all he gave for us, we have salvation to eternal life. At work people have said, "Paul, he's going to heaven. We're all going to hell." And, I was thinking in response and wish I had said this.. "Yeah, but I'm not going to heaven because I'm good. I'm good because I have the hope that I'm going to heaven and I'm delighted to do something good in return for my freedom. God makes me good. But I'm not worth heaven, I'm only worth saving." Again, this is just me sharing thoughts. Through all that's happened I've come to, "Let's make the most of life. There's enough grief that comes all on it's own." I sincerely hope God will use me to encourage others and help others hope in God. Here I am pratteling on. Let me know what you think? I don't want to be saying stuff and going on and on if it's not interesting or helpful. Well, here's hoping for the night of the righteous breaking to noon day bright! Be blessed and look for the dawn. Paul:) P.S.- I really don't know why this is on my heart. It's a picture for you of what's going on inside my heart the past week and such, but I assure you (all this said) I'm exceedingly happy. My feelings aren't masked anymore and I feel every relationship I have is beginning to grow stronger and more meaning full, cause my heart is exposed and the truth of what I need from others can be realised (and with wisdom and good temper) applied. Prattel prattel prattel I sure am getting chatty in my old age. I used to say almost nothing! Now it just spills out.
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Post by mrbister on Nov 4, 2007 4:36:40 GMT -5
Good luck nomore86 - make sure you live up to the NO MORE in your name. It's important to keep the courage of our convictions. Stick at it.
All the best.
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Post by pauljay on Nov 7, 2007 12:35:39 GMT -5
Hey NoMore,
I'm still around. How are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a bit.
Paul
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Post by nomore86 on Nov 11, 2007 1:17:53 GMT -5
Paul, Sorry I haven't talked to you in a while. Things have been busy. I'm still going strong, how about you? Not, to say I haven't felt tempted, because of course I have. In fact I almost broke but I came out and said NO! Thank God because it was a miracle and there was no one else to thank! Talk to you soon. Lots of love, NoMore
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Post by pauljay on Nov 13, 2007 3:16:33 GMT -5
Hey NoMore, Good to hear from you. I've been going strong too. A little tempted at times but not overcome. And, yes, thank God. Who needs that added stress? I want to be able to be happy about my relationship with God and not be ashamed when I open my mouth to speak to him. Anyway, I'm off to bed. Just wanted to let you know I read your post and I'm VERY glad to hear you're still going strong too! Good job, NoMore. Talk to you soon, Paul:)
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Post by pauljay on Nov 14, 2007 23:41:57 GMT -5
Hey MnM, Just wanted to share some more with you. You can still be proud. I've been tempted and noticed I'm usually tempted at the end of the week, when I'm tired and needing to recouperate. I figure it's good to notice this. Any time I notice why I might be feeling like I need something filled and am tempted, knowing why I might feel empty gives me perspective to go through it until what it is that needs filling can be filled. If I haven't eaten enough or just need rest, seeing it and waiting through until the food or rest or whatever I recognised the need was can take effect. Anyway, Short of it... Been tempted but dealt with it. Paul:)
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Post by nomore86 on Dec 11, 2007 1:28:20 GMT -5
Paul, sorry it's been so long. Things have been really tough lately. Not only am I being incredibly tempted but I've screwed up twice. I guess you could call it that. I don't know. New start though. I just need to remember my name: NO MORE!!!
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 11, 2007 8:41:53 GMT -5
Nomore,,
Good to hear back from you.
Try making a committment to come here every day and read, post and journal for the next 30 days.
bf
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Post by here2learn on Dec 11, 2007 13:38:13 GMT -5
Welcome NoMore86!
Interesting - as Muslims, we believe the same. Furthermore, we believe that the Quran and the Bible are from the same source.
Indeed, what you mentioned is one of Satan's weapons that he attacks with.
I am part of that army and you're in my prayers. "Truly, it is the army of God that will achieve felicity." Quran(58:22)
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Post by nomore86 on Dec 14, 2007 23:58:02 GMT -5
Nomore,, Good to hear back from you. Try making a committment to come here every day and read, post and journal for the next 30 days. bf Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going to stick with it and move on!
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