Message from new member nomore86

[Phyllis Diller]

I moved this here; because it would have gotten lost in the thread in which it was posted. The trigger cloaking device was added for good measure. Mother Phyllis

I'm completely new to the site. I'm not your usual "addict" though. [trigger]I was sexually abused as a child and instead of going to the super promiscuous, sexually active extreme, I've gone to the other end. Outside of what I was forced to do when I was abused, I'm as virgin as they come. [/trigger]I didn't even get my first kiss until just recently at the age of 20. I haven't done any experimenting and I'm not at all sexually active and I plan on waiting until my wedding night. I'm not addicted to 'porn'. [trigger]But, I have the habit of going on youtube and watching hot kissing and lovemaking scenes or reading NC17 fanfiction and masturbating along with them. [/trigger]Outside of that I'm not addicted to anything else. I don't drink, or do drugs. I tried one puff of a cigarette one time when I was 18 and gagged. I found it gross and I'm sure it's safe to say I'll never do it again. LOL. And as hard as it may be to believe, I'm a Christian and I have been since I was 13. I'm not sure what everyone else on here believes, but I'll tell you what I do. As a Christian, I believe that Satan attacks us believers even more than non-believers and that he's attacking me through this. But, I'm done. NO MORE! I've begged Jesus to forgive me and I know and believe that He already has. It's a new day. My past abuse and my "addiction" doesn't control me anymore. I'm a new person in Christ. I need God's army to pray for me through this. If you're part of that army, I need you to pray. I'm BEGGING for prayer. I know I can do this. I HAVE to do this. You don't need to know me to pray for me. God knows who I am and He hears every prayer. I need strength from Him, now more than ever. Please, please, please pray for me. Thank you.

[DennisW]

nomore86
I prayed for you this morning.

DennisW

[ethanm]

Amen. Let him lift you up.

Please talk to a counsellor or someone at your church, sounds like you could use someone in the flesh to guide you through this.

[Three Legged Dog]

I will pray for you. God helps those who help themselves, seek some specific help for the abuse you suffered. If you do, many things, including your wedding night, will be better.

Good luck and Godspeed.

[nomore86]

Thank ya'll so much for what you've done. Just to clarify I'm past my abuse. I've gone to counselor's inside and outside of my church. It's helped alot. My problem right now is the youtube videos and the fanfiction. Two days strong and still going though! Please, keep me in your prayers. Right now, I'm off to read my Bible!

[pauljay]

Hey NoMore86,

I'm kind of in the same boat as you are (though I'm only guessing). I've been a Christian a long time and I wasn't sure I should go so far as to say "I'm a porn addict". I too am pure in other aspects like kissing and other stuff and plan on keeping myself. If you'd like a friend on here to talk with, I'd appreciate a friend in the same boat.

Pauljay

[JohnG]

nomore86,

Welcome.

You have come to the right place. There are a lot of people here who can help you and support you. A couple of Christian programs geared towards our problem (with pornography and/or erotica):

www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/
www.celebraterecovery.com/

A friend,

JohnG

[hurtmylove]

Perhaps a more apt term would be "Lust Addict"?

In any case, take good care of yourself, and have a good connection with your Higher Power!

[nomore86]

pauljay said:

Hey NoMore86,

I'm kind of in the same boat as you are (though I'm only guessing). I've been a Christian a long time and I wasn't sure I should go so far as to say "I'm a porn addict". I too am pure in other aspects like kissing and other stuff and plan on keeping myself. If you'd like a friend on here to talk with, I'd appreciate a friend in the same boat.

Pauljay

Well, it's so nice to meet you! I hope you're doing better like I am. I want to get completely beyond this and really feel and KNOW that I'm a pure girl. You'll be in my prayers.

[pauljay]

Well, it's so nice to meet you! I hope you're doing better like I am. I want to get completely beyond this and really feel and KNOW that I'm a pure girl. You'll be in my prayers.

Thanks NoMore86,

I am doing better. Prayer is appreciated and I'll pray for you too. I feel like crap this morning, but I know it will pass. I think I'm in what other's I've seen call "detox". My emotions are a bit raw, but now that I can see the long view it's just a step in the journey.

I keep encouraging myself with ... I've been pure and I'm walking pure today, I can be very happy about that! And I know that each today becomes my history.

Yeah, I want to be beyond this too. I hate that I've been tripped up, likely held back. Hmm...

This morning I was asking God for sobering scripture. There's one right there! When Paul's talking about sin that trips us up... it might be pretty encouraging to read that again.

Anyway, thanks for the note. Nice to meet you as well.

(things I'm reminded of by God)

"Be careful of pride that you've suceeded thus far by any of your effort, because it's not by might, strength or willpower but by my Spirit", says the Lord.

Before I ramble on and on and on...

Be blessed and walk in purity. Much Love in Christ.

Your friend,
Paul:)

[nomore86]

Paul, I'm so proud of you! You're doing such a good job. I hope it doesn't sound like bragging but the past few days I've been feeling great. I haven't felt this good in a really long time. My faith is stronger than it's been in years. I was reminded of John 10:10 today: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy."

This verse tells us how Satan attacks us and LOVES doing it. In response to this Jesus said: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I hope this encourages you as you continue your walk. Again: I'm so proud of you!

Love, NO MORE

[pauljay]

Hey NoMore86,

Thanks for letting me know you're proud of me, it helps and I appreciate it. I've been having some rough days and I'm glad I found you on here. What I need is a friend who understands who can encourage me, so thanks for that. I hope I can be the same for you, God willing.

I've been reminded lately to rest, be content and take joy in walking purely. My faith has been enhanced as well lately and I've begun to seek the Lord very earnestly. As earnest as I have before, but not for a long time.

Keep walking pure... I believe we are already victorious. If we weren't we'd both still be saying, "I did it again. I'm so ashamed." There's still a matter of learning ourselves and learning the lies of the enemy so we can side step them, but we are walking in freedom now. For this reason we can be very happy with ourselves and what He is doing in us.

(I think I repeated myself about being content and all that and some other stuff hehe, oh well.)

I really appreciate your friendship. Thanks.

Pray and be on the look out and keep trusting in the Lord as your strength, wisdom and salvation in this. (verse poped into my head) "If the Lord doesn't protect a city the watchmen watch in vain." This says to me that we need to both be watchfull (and pray like Jesus told his deciples) and trust in God who by his Spirit guides us around every trap set, he opens our eyes and is the one who will teach us and keep us in His way. Satan comes to steal kill and destroy, but can't harm those God makes wise to his tactics (among other ways God protects us).

I was also thinking lately about the Lord's prayer. "Lead us not into temptation."

I could go on and on with thoughts that pop into my head, things I believe God is stirring in my heart. I don't want to write to big an entry though.

But, to end I'm happy to report I am walking rightly and will continue with conviction and in the strength of His Spirit.

Be blessed.

Paul:)

[pauljay]

Hey NoMore86,

I'm enjoying such a peace and fellowship now, like times before but also a bit richer! I still have grief, but I feel God's favour on me again. I'm so glad that he's brought me this far and given me all I need to stand in him. (by his HS we have everything we need for life and godliness)

I've been praying towards this end for quite a while. And not addiction type stuff, but my whole life and walk. I've been crying out for some time and I'm glad to be seeing my prayers being answered now.

Oh! And I'm writing music again. I haven't been able to do that much since 4 years ago (tragety struck). But now I feel life coming back and God's strength. He was always there and his grace as well, but now my heart is healed enough and still healing, but enough now to hold his praise and joy.

I was beginning to wonder if there was a God at one point, just barely hanging on through the grief. Now I know and have hope that not only will things be as they were before between me and God, but abundantly more! Which is what I (in a nutshell) have prayed for for so long now. A return to him with the fullness of my heart (broken and battered though God was fully there I wasn't fully able to hold him... too many holes in the bucket?)

Oh, I could yet go on and on. Short and sweet, I'm doing wonderfully tonight and have much joy today and much hope for tomorrow.

I hope you are doing blessedly as well?

Much love in Christ Jesus our Lord,
Paul:)

[nomore86]

Paul,

You obviously have even more progress to be proud of. You're doing so well and I'm beyond happy for you. I've been doing really well ever since I came on here. I think it's mainly because I have support now and in the back of my head I kinda feel likd I'd be letting you down if I screwed up. With how my head works, that's a good way for me to look at it though.

I've been reading my Bible and praying more in the last week than I have in a super long time. I feel like God is looking down at me and smiling. Not just because HE'S happy with me, but because I'm finally happy with myself now, too. I'm feeling better about myself and I feel so much purer. So much cleaner. All the guilt and bitterness I'd been carrying around with me is slowly being lifted off my shoulders. And all I can say is: It's about time.

Have you ever read John 10:10? The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. Well, I refuse to allow Satan to have that power over me anymore. He wil no longer steal my innocence. He will not kill my future and he will not destroy my life!

At the end of that same verse Jesus goes on to say: I have come that you might have life, and have it to the full. What an amazing promise! It gives me such hope. I hope we both continue running this race and I hope we both win.

Lots of love! -NoMore

[Mountain]

Welcome. I will pray for you.

Mountain