determined1
New Member
July 4 - MY Independence Day!
Posts: 42
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Post by determined1 on Jul 5, 2005 1:12:22 GMT -5
I don't even know where to begin....I'm new to this - by about 10 minutes....I am at point of self disgust I didn't think possible. Now I don't know what to do....I'm making the comitment again. I guess I wonder in what way/timing do you reveal such a thing to your spouse? Years ago, when I was caught, she told me she would leave me if this ever happened again. I just don't know now. I have reached the point where all I can do is cry to God...but I've cried so many times, and fallen...I don't know if I've exhausted His patience. So many times, I hear that God will not be mocked...which is just what I've done. I don't know if I can still be saved or not...but I know I don't want my family to be hurt. It may be too late for me, but I pray it isn't for them.
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Post by strongwill on Jul 5, 2005 1:35:07 GMT -5
This is my first time posting as well. I have reached the absolute threshold for this addiction. I have battled this for 12 years and finally tonight I say it STOPS. IMO, Determined1, God knows your heart and knows if you honestly want to quit this addiction. God will never leave you nor forsake you and it is never too late. You are God's creation and he LOVES you no matter what, he just despises the SIN (in this case, ADDICTION).
I've prayed so many times about my addiction with P that I kinda imagined God saying "Here we go again, for the millionth time. I'm tired of listening". But I've realized that that is just the Devil sticking that in my mind. He wants me to think that God doesn't care anymore or he won't listen. When you pray sincerely, GOD LISTENS.
I prayed earnestly and sincerely at work the other day that God would help me with this addiction because I just couldn't seem to find a source of help for this. I thought I was the only one that was cursed with this horrible obcession. I got in my car and accidentally hit a button on the radio and a self-help channel came on and they were talking about PA. I just smiled because I realized God had heard my prayer.
You and I have the same affliction but we will both overcome this problem. I will pray for you Determined1 and I hope you do the same for me. I begin my journey now and refuse to give in now that I know I am not the only one and I have support. Thank you for this board.
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Post by tobedetermined on Jul 5, 2005 2:13:13 GMT -5
It may be too late for me, but I pray it isn't for them.
Nonsense. If your desire to end these patterns are true, then set out to end them. Make it your purpose for the next few months of your life to permanently change the way that you approach your life. Make real changes. God will know your remorse, and your ability to stand up and account for your life will demonstrate your sincerity. Don't think of your life as being over (eg too late for me); think of it as just the beginning. Which in many ways, it will be if you pursue things in the right way.
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determined1
New Member
July 4 - MY Independence Day!
Posts: 42
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Post by determined1 on Jul 5, 2005 11:23:47 GMT -5
Thanks guys....I spent a lot of time in prayer last night...for the first time in a long time I feel hope. Strongwill - I will definately be praying for you.
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Post by ThisLittleLight on Jul 5, 2005 12:04:15 GMT -5
Dear Determined1 and Strongwill, You have already answered your question: 'What to do first'. The first thing to do is to admit that you have a problem, that you are a porn addict (pa) and that you need help from others and God. You've both done that. Right on! Way to go! Like both of you, I am also desperate to beat this addiction. I am tired of feeling ashamed, guilty, fearful, angry, hopeless. I joined this board last week. I have 12.5 days free from porn today. My background story is at lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=addicts&action=display&thread=1119910890Now that you have both taken the first step, the next step is to learn more about this disease of addiction that we suffer from. In my opinion, it is a disease of the mind and spirit that results from obsessive thought patterns, poor spiritual health, and a lack of balance in our daily lives. This disease is something quantifiable that has symptoms and cures. In our case, lust and sexually compulsive behaviour are the symptoms. But it can be treated. There is hope. The best place to start to figure out your next step is the posting for newcomers which has many useful links: lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1084396654In short, however, you can beat this addiction with the help of others and God. It sounds like you are both men of faith. Trust God, let go and let God lead you on this path of recovery. This isn't voodoo. You pray for God's help and it will be given. Maybe just not in the pre-packaged way that we expect. However you choose to imagine God, (whether that's a Christian God, the mass of energy and love that connects all living things, the psychic field, Mother Nature, etc.) doesn't matter. God will reach out to help but you've got to be open to it. How do you know God's will? I am not a 100% sure myself and 100's of books have been written about this over time. For myself, God speaks to me through other people, through subtle signs (like the radio program that Strongwill 'accidently' tuned it to), and, most simply, through the 'path of least resistence', those healthy options and opportunities that present themselves effortlessly in my day-to-day routine. Sorry...now I am going into a rant about God's will. I can hear the atheist and agnostics groan. This is obviously something that I needed to get out for myself as well. I have recovered from other addictions (alcohol, drugs, cigarretes) and I am reminding myself here how I accomplished that, namely: 1. Admit that I am powerless over my addiction and that I need help 2. Trust others and God to provide that help 3. Suck it up and work my butt off to be vigilant, honest, open and willing to do what it whatever it takes... This addiction is not something I can ignore. If I don't address it and treat it, it will consume me, my loved ones and all the things that I hold precious. Good luck Determined1 and Strongwill. As a fellow new member to this board I look forward to sharing this journey with you. ThisLittleLight
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Post by dan1983buddhist on Jul 5, 2005 14:39:49 GMT -5
Hi determined1 just want you to know ive had exactly the same feelings as you are describing the last few days. In all other areas of my life whether its giving up alcohol becoming a vegetarian, whatever i feel as if i have strong will power but when it comes to this I just become weak, irrational. And that is because I am an addict I have an irrational way of behaving when it comes to p we all do. It may sound corny but the point is we are all trying so we have already made progress in the fact that we aware we have a problem we just need to make the right changes to deal with it. I think all religions preach that people do things wrong the important thing is to acknowledge that and stop doing them dan
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Post by abel on Jul 5, 2005 16:44:24 GMT -5
determined1, a standard opening in the battle with sexual addiction is to destroy the stash. Burn the magazines and DVDs so that some kid does not find them in the trash. Erase all pornographic files from your computer including cookies and bookmarks. Then think about a plan. The recovery from sexual addiction will take a long time. How long have you been addicted? Take this time and multiply it by eight--this is how long it will take for you to recover. In my case the lower bound on recovery is about forty years but really I am preparing to spend the rest of my life fighting this thing and leading a sober lifestyle. For sure, all of us need a plan of some kind. In the beginning stages your recovery will be day to day so think short-term for now. What are you going to do the next time you feel tempted to view pornography? Since you are religious you already have plan A: you can turn to your higher power for help. And yet you mentioned in your post that plan A does not always work for you. Do you have a plan B? I personally do sports--this helps me better than anything. Other people on this board play music, paint in the park, go to a nearby beach, etc. Find an outlet, a healthy escape which you can resort to when things spin out of control. You may also want to think about joining SLAA or going into therapy: many on this board have found these things to be very effective tools in recovery. Educate yourself about your addiction: find the root of the problem. You are not addicted because pornography is so darn enjoyable--you are using pornography to medicate certain issues which need to be addressed. Address the issues and then recovery will become more or less straightforward. Good luck and best wishes. Keep coming to the board: we are here to help.
Abel
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determined1
New Member
July 4 - MY Independence Day!
Posts: 42
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Post by determined1 on Jul 5, 2005 22:27:45 GMT -5
Thanks to everyone for all the tips and advice - I've gotten rid of the stash (I only had problems with internet stuff due to availability.) I've spent most of the day absorbing information....I guess the next step now is to figure out the golden question ....Why? The more I read, the more it seems this addiction is like an onion...you keep having to peel through multiple layers in order to reach the core of the problem.
But in the words of JFK, "We choose to do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win..."
And as Paul said "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
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mr
Full Member
Posts: 113
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Post by mr on Jul 6, 2005 17:37:53 GMT -5
Years ago, when I was caught, she told me she would leave me if this ever happened again. I just don't know now. Well, your choices are to stop again now, or just keep going on in it. Obviously you want to stop. Perhaps now is not the time to tell your spouse. Maybe you can earn some trust by building a track record. So when the time comes, you can go to her and say something like: I had a problem with this, but I have a) installed filtering software, b) taken an online course about beating the problem, c) kept a journal, d) gotten an accountability partner, d) joined a 12-step program, f) regularly went to this forum, etc. and I have been clean of it for x months now. I'm telling you because I want to be honest with you. I have a problem, I need help, and I've gotten a lot of help already. I don't want to lose you over this.
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determined1
New Member
July 4 - MY Independence Day!
Posts: 42
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Post by determined1 on Jul 7, 2005 15:12:19 GMT -5
mr
Thank you so much for the insight - this will be a sensitive issue and I'm going to have to figure out exactly how to approach this. I think your ideas are dead on though - appraoch it as a problem being corrected permanently rather than as a "Sorry 'bout that I'll try to do better" thing.
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