Post by abouttime on Jun 29, 2005 6:20:14 GMT -5
Newbie here. Its about time I take control over this stupid addiction. I am on day 13 and I feel very good about it, but I know that I cannot get over confident. I have been married for a few years to a wonderful woman. She knows about this addiction and has been very understanding, although she has had a few outbursts, which is understandable. I know that I cannot abuse her understanding, so I am making a real effort to rid myself of my PA. I am keeping a journal that I have asked her to look at from time to time. This seems to really help me. If I get the urge, I stop and think, "Do I want my wife to read about this?". This short pause allows me to collect myself and push the thoughts out of my head. I will be honest in my journal, otherwise there is no point in keeping it. Yesterday was a good day. My wife was out of town and I was home by myself for hours. In the past, this would have been an automatic p/mb binge, but yesterday I won.
The addiction itself is evil, like any addiction. It feels like someone else is in control. I have started treating this as a separate entity and I will not let it beat me. When I sit back and think about it, I cannot believe that I have this addiction. It just seems so stupid. I cannot believe that I have disappointed my wife for so long. I may have this addiction, but I will not lie to her about it. She deserves that much. In the end I have to do this for me and I have just recently realized that. I do not want this stupid addiction and I am going to do everything in my power to make it happen.
The addiction itself is evil, like any addiction. It feels like someone else is in control. I have started treating this as a separate entity and I will not let it beat me. When I sit back and think about it, I cannot believe that I have this addiction. It just seems so stupid. I cannot believe that I have disappointed my wife for so long. I may have this addiction, but I will not lie to her about it. She deserves that much. In the end I have to do this for me and I have just recently realized that. I do not want this stupid addiction and I am going to do everything in my power to make it happen.