Post by tac on Dec 20, 2007 21:44:31 GMT -5
My problem with MB started when I was about 13 or 14 yrs old. Back in those days, lot of kids did not know about sex when they were so young. A friend told me about it. I didn't believe it until I tried it. The feeling was so wonderful, i was hooked from day one. I used to carry around pictures of naked women in my wallet, so that if I went to the bathroom, I was always ready. As I got older, all i thought about was sex, and all i wanted was to have sex with at real girl. But, as is usually the case, my addiction really messed up my ability to have serious relationship with girls. Mostly only one night stands. In my later teens, and early twenties, I started visiting massage parlors for sex when i couldn't pick up a girl at a bar. Then started going to topless bars and nude ones. I would usually go out of town, so no one would know. I was raised in church, but stopped going in my youth. Later, in mid twenties, after much conviction, I went to church with my family. At the end of the service, i went to the alter, cried for almost ten minutes. Believe it or not, my mom was there. I later told her, and others that i had just let a lot of years of being away from the Lord, and needed to repent. But i told no one about the SA.
Very shortly after, at church, I met a wonderful girl, fell in love, and got married. From that time to now, I stopped drinking, smoking, going to any clubs, or any type of inappropriate stores/places. But I continued the MB and P privately. I did not purchase magazines or any material, just free stuff on TV, and then later years, computer. This has continued for 25 years now, and i have served as a deacon, SS teacher, and other positions in church. I have tried many times to stop, and have had some times of abstinence for up to several months. Each time, I thought I had beat it, and I thought my misery was over, but each time, I would fall back, and the shame and guilt would return.
I have finally realized, I think, why i have not been able to beat this addiction. I have never told anyone, and I now realize how that has defeated me. Now, I want to confess it. I am starting with you guys and gals on this board, but i know that very soon, i must move on to others. Please pray for me, that God will give me wisdom, strength, courage, and grace to get this monster behind me. I feel like I have been on a interstate highway for thousands of miles, and have finally gotten off of the exit. Now, i must turn around and start home. Today, I have only been sober for a little over 24 hours, but it is my prayer, I will be sober for the rest of my life.
Tom
Very shortly after, at church, I met a wonderful girl, fell in love, and got married. From that time to now, I stopped drinking, smoking, going to any clubs, or any type of inappropriate stores/places. But I continued the MB and P privately. I did not purchase magazines or any material, just free stuff on TV, and then later years, computer. This has continued for 25 years now, and i have served as a deacon, SS teacher, and other positions in church. I have tried many times to stop, and have had some times of abstinence for up to several months. Each time, I thought I had beat it, and I thought my misery was over, but each time, I would fall back, and the shame and guilt would return.
I have finally realized, I think, why i have not been able to beat this addiction. I have never told anyone, and I now realize how that has defeated me. Now, I want to confess it. I am starting with you guys and gals on this board, but i know that very soon, i must move on to others. Please pray for me, that God will give me wisdom, strength, courage, and grace to get this monster behind me. I feel like I have been on a interstate highway for thousands of miles, and have finally gotten off of the exit. Now, i must turn around and start home. Today, I have only been sober for a little over 24 hours, but it is my prayer, I will be sober for the rest of my life.
Tom
