Third time's a charm...

[domorewithmylife]

Today is day one without P and M for me. I've been here before and I'm humbly back for the third time in 2 years. I don't have a lot to say right now - I'm a little discouraged after my past failures but I know I need to stop. I need to stop for my sake and to be a better husband and father. Reading about other's successes is encouraging to me. Wish me luck.

[reconstituting]

You can do it. My thoughts are with you.

Recon

[tomlincolnsixecho]

Precisely, family values are far more important than the selfish nature of obsessions, and the addictions. This is why I dont have a family.

[domorewithmylife]

Day 0 - 12/17/2007

I've been spending a lot of time here over the past week trying to find the courage to stop by reading posts others have written. I wish I could say I've been successful in being P free for the last week. I have so many thoughts in my head about what to write. The short of it is that I understand that breaking this addiction is very difficult. I find strength in the people who have been successful, but I also become afraid of failure when I see the people who have struggled like I have.

One thing I see in people who have been successful is that they update their journal regularly. I'm making a promise to myself that I will be P free and update this journal every day for the next 30 days (until January 16th). No excuses - if I fail I will admit it. December 18 is day one for me. The longest I have ever gone with P has been about 7 days, so wish me luck.

Please note that my thoughts are very disorganized now. Forgive me if I jump around and ramble. I think over time my posts will be more structured, but having a forum to unload these scattered thoughts feels like a positive thing.

I want to give a little history about myself. I'm 35, married, and I have a perfect 1 year old child. The P and M in my life is my deepest, darkest secret. I've tried to stop in the past (see my 2 other journal entries), but I failed quickly. I know I'm addicted and I simply don't know why I can't stop. The helpless feeling over this addiction confuses me. I want to stop for the following reasons:

1. I want to be the man I pretend to be to my wife
2. I want to be a better father
3. I want to make better use of the time I waste on P
4. I want to stop wasting money on P
5. I want to be in control of my deception-free life

I'll expand on all of these goals in future posts.

It is now midnight on December 18th, 2007. The "one day at a time" approach seems cliche, but I see the value in it. I will make it through the day today. I will update this journal less than 24 hours from now. I will not use P or M on December 18, 2007.

Any advice is welcome - wish me luck.

[domorewithmylife]

Day 1 - 12/18/2007

I happy to say I made it through day 1. I have along way to go, but I know to set daily goals and to be humble in any early success. The thing I'm proud of is I was alone at home for some time this morning before work and I wasn't tempted at all. Usually I leave for work before my wife, but today she left before me. Without my promise to myself I definitely would have wasted the time with P. I made good use of the hour of so I would have wasted before work. (goal 3 for me)

I'm going to bed now which is another positive thing. I would usually stay up until 1 or so and been tired at work. Day 2 tomorrow - I'm going to do it.

[domorewithmylife]

Day 2 - 12/19/2007

I'm happy to say I made it through day 2. I still have a lot of demons to get rid of in my thoughts, but I do feel like I'm off to a good start. I'm feeling strong and cautious at the same time. I'm concerned about this Sunday because my wife and daughter will be gone all day. I need to make sure I have something to do to keep me away from temptation, but for now I'm focused on making it through day 3.

[maplestaple]

You're doing well pal. Keep with it and good luck!

[domorewithmylife]

Day 3 - 12/20/2007

Day 3 all is well - 100% clean.

I'm tired but I wanted to check in to keep my promise. I'll have a lot more to say soon. You're a great group of people - thanks for being here.

[domorewithmylife]

Day 4 - 12/21/2007

I just about made it through day 4. I'm able to resist any urges I had, but I recognize I'm in a danger zone. Wife asleep, bad mood, etc. I'm going to turn the PC off and go watch a non tempting movie. On to day 5!

[domorewithmylife]

Day 5 - 12/22/07

Something great happened today. I've been completely P and M free for 4+ days, and my wife and I were intimate this morning without any of the usual "problems" I usually have. Without going in to too much detail, it's clear that my frequent M simply reduced my ability to be close with her. I always suspected the two might be related, but I think I was hesitant to admit it because I was making excuses to keep using P and M. How sad is that? Anyway, I'm happy and very encouraged by what happened. The rest of day 5 will be easy. Life is too short to waste it on being selfish.

[ingodwetrust]

I recommend you www.recoverynation.com
You will NOT succeed by just counting the days and not going deep into the issue. Your body doesn't need P/MB but your brain does, so there is the problem and you need to resolve it.

[backstabber]

Doing good. I'm on day 6, so we are close. Lets do this! Are we man or are we mice!? Whats a temptation!?

Good luck!