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Post by freedom on Nov 29, 2007 5:28:57 GMT -5
Day 9. No porn.
I dont want it.
I gotta eat something, Im hungry.
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Post by freedom on Nov 30, 2007 4:02:57 GMT -5
Day 10 - no porn.
Still Going. Staying strong, focused and healthy.
"Do I really need this?" - No I do NOT.
Id rather be in touch with REAL women in REAL life and have REAL experiences with them than watching them on screen and living in a dream.
Where does all this P come from?, well it can stay there as far as Im concerned.
Could I have lived my life to this point without P? - Easily.
What has it given me? - Nothing.
Where does it take me? - Nowhere.
It only has repressed me, made me passive, alienated me from myself and reality.
Nothing positive.
I DONT need that.
I DONT want that.
Theres whole lotta so much other stuff out there that I havent done, that Ive wanted to do and what could give me so much more. So lets see what I can do with that.
Ill keep on going, Ill keep on plowing.
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Post by seekinghealing on Dec 1, 2007 2:07:43 GMT -5
Hi Freedom, I was reading your journal and you are my hero for today. You have a great skill at articulating your feelings and it helped me. Today I have gone two evenings without p. I'm feeling that I have a start now, once again. I have the urge, but I remember that it is not fulfilling at all anymore. I end up looking and looking for just the right pictures and when I do, then it gets old real fast and I need another picture or video.
I am older than you, 47, and I wish I had not wasted so much of my life looking at p. I want a girlfriend so much and I'm sad that I've been alone in that respect for most of my life.
You inspire me and remind me that its possible to get out of the trap once again and find a girlfriend when the time is right. Thank you! ;D -sh
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Post by freedom on Dec 1, 2007 5:20:27 GMT -5
Hi Freedom, I was reading your journal and you are my hero for today. You have a great skill at articulating your feelings and it helped me. Today I have gone two evenings without p. I'm feeling that I have a start now, once again. I have the urge, but I remember that it is not fulfilling at all anymore. I end up looking and looking for just the right pictures and when I do, then it gets old real fast and I need another picture or video. I am older than you, 47, and I wish I had not wasted so much of my life looking at p. I want a girlfriend so much and I'm sad that I've been alone in that respect for most of my life. You inspire me and remind me that its possible to get out of the trap once again and find a girlfriend when the time is right. Thank you! ;D -sh Day - 11. Still plowing, and getting inspiration. Seekingheeling, Thank you for this post, you got me feeling admired and good for being a hero, even for a day. Nice to hear that my journal helped you today. Its funny, you say I gave you inspiration today and guess what, now you give me INSPIRATION with your words. Your my inspiration for today. This is what this site is for. Appreciated. Congratulations for going on for two evenings, you can do it. Yeah and whats a better time to start than NOW. It is very important and CRUCIAL to remind yourself about the fact that eventhough at the moment it feels tempting it is not at all what it seems to be. Knowing the fact that when its over it is NOT fulfilling, it actually leaves you empty. The urge tricks you into the illusion of fulfillment. And it is very easy to believe it and give up to it. But its only a trick. And you should always remember that eventhough at the moment its just information in your head and the feeling of temptation easily overrides it, that you just have to believe what the information tells you and have faith. SELF-DISCIPLINE. Its the Feeling VS. Information. During last week from time to time Ive had the temptation but I have just reminded myself with the information and kept myself strong. I have just DECIDED that im NOT going to do it. This site has helped me a lot. Whenever feeling the thought, I have just redirected myself to this forum and separated myself from the thought with determination. Im 23 now, and only this year was the very first time i dated a girl. I lost my virginity at the age of 21, while being drunk and all my experiences with women prior this year has been under the influence of alcohol and they are not many. I guess first time i kissed a girl was when i was 19, and man was I REALLY drunk. Ive had some intimacy issues and expressing my feelings especially with girls, who bring up the more sensitive and vulnerable side of me and I remember always been kind of afraid of girls. They have this power of approval on me and I have always felt too vulnerable to expose myself and risking getting rejected. Which is one of the reasons why porn is so appealing. I can do it myself and no-one can hurt me or reject me. No-one else but me. And during the summer I was again drunk, yes, and managed to get this girls number at a club. Then the next week i went on the first date of my life with her and managed to handle it very well. Well, prior to this from the beginning of this year Ive got some costfree help, tips and knowledge on women and dating generally from internet community (not going to mention what, but you can ask me privately if you want to know - if youre out of touch with women, or never really succeeded with them, or want to find that one girl, this is maybe the best thing that will ever happen to you, this community has changed my life, the knowledge it has offered me). After the first part of the date she asked me to come over and we slept together that night (no sex) . Yes and you can still find a girlfriend in your life, its NEVER too late. Maybe the time is right just now. Through that community i mentioned, ive found that many guys your age who have never even had a girlfriend in their lives, after finding the community, have finally managed to find a one. Lets keep on plowing, and showing, that we can truly make a difference in our lives.
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Post by freedom on Dec 1, 2007 22:35:16 GMT -5
AUTHOR: ulysses
"Re: What does recovery mean? « Reply #2 on Today at 4:53 »
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One of the better pieces of advice that I have heard is that to focus on resisting something is to just make the offending issue more intensely irresistable. You give it more power with every ounce of resistance you apply. It is better to focus on the OPPOSITE. Give your full attention to the place you desire to be. Focus on the healthy version of you and your relationship."
It is better to focus on the OPPOSITE.
Give your full attention to where you wanna be.
Focus on the healthy version of you.
I think this is very good advice, which I should keep in mind. To NOT give too much of a thought for RESISTING the porn. When the tempation arises, you have to RESIST but only so long that you can REDIRECT your thoughts and focus on other things, other things that are IMPORTANT to you. Thats the way to REPLACE the old pattern.
As soon as the thought/urge/temptation arises just REMEMBER this. RESIST. REDIRECT your focus with discipline. And forget the urge as soon as possible and replace the situation with other things that can trigger you in a healthy way. Get your focus out of the P and forget it by giving yourself something else to think about.
I should not think about it any longer than I have to.
SELF-DISCIPLINE.
DETERMINATION.
I will NOT focus on RESISTING but something else that is POSITIVE and HEALTHY for ME.
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Post by seekinghealing on Dec 2, 2007 1:11:11 GMT -5
Excellent! You have a lot of wisdom - Thanks! I just sent you a PM (private message). sh
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Post by freedom on Dec 2, 2007 4:36:02 GMT -5
Day 12. Two weeks. Half of a month.
Whenever I get bored usually the first thought that comes to me is internet porn.
So I should focus on making my days so that I wont have time to be bored cause I have something healthy to do like:
-exercizing -something for the mind: creative or educative -Socializing -relaxing
My problem is that when there is nothing to do I get bored, so I need to make sure that I wont have the time to get bored cause I have something to do.
I know I can be pretty lazy person often and that easily leads me being bored cause Im too lazy to do anything, so I need to change the habit by taking ACTION. By taking action I can make sure that I wont get bored, cause I am doing something.
Its time to take ACTION.
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Post by freedom on Dec 4, 2007 1:52:58 GMT -5
Day 14.
Today Im maybe going to rent a couple of movies. Theres an offer today.
POSITIVE ACTION.
Ive been doing a little physical exercise everyday for a while now and I I feel overall a little better because of it and it gets me a bit more into the state of being active as opposed to being passive.
And I still MB, but I dont watch P.
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Post by seekinghealing on Dec 4, 2007 2:23:47 GMT -5
WAY-TO-GO BUD!! I hope you feel good. sh
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Post by MrOuch on Dec 4, 2007 3:13:37 GMT -5
Not to be one to point out the obvious, but that's not a good thing.
Now those are good things.
2 weeks clean is a good run so far. What is your plan to continue this streak?
Becasue you asked for it, here is my answer to your question on whether or not porn is evil.
IMO it is. I don't see any redeeming qualities in porn. I don't buy the misguided notion that opposing porn is tantamount to censorship. Porn teaches us to objectify women and the sexual act. There is no "love" in porn. It is strictly about satisfying a basal need without any regard for consequences. Where are the social ramifications of unprotected sex? casual sex? venereal disease? unwanted pregnancies? rape? etc. Not to mention the very nature of the porn industry's use 'em up and spit 'em out mentality toward the "actresses." Who takes care of these discarded souls? In porn, none of these topics are portrayed. In the world of the porn industry, these don't exist. According to the porn industry acting on an instinctive level is good. This mindset isn't just irresponsible, it's evil. It's not censorship to oppose the idea of porn, it's social responsibility. End of Rant.
Be well today. Stay clean today.
MrOuch
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Post by freedom on Dec 4, 2007 8:00:29 GMT -5
My plan is to continue this streak, day by day, by taking action. Filling up my life with activities and not let the lazy side of me take control. Cause when I allow myself to be too lazy, then Its more likely that Ill get bored and when I get bored porn seems more appealing and less a bad option. I also need to NOT focus on resisting porn. Not any more than is needed to. I should not be focusing on anything related to porn, no more than what is necessary. I should be on focusing on all the other things in life that I also want to do. I am going to be more social and Im gonna take as many as possible changes to meet people as I can. One part is meeting REAL women in real life and filling the void I have with a possible relationship. That is something that Ive always dreamed of and wanted to have but for a reason or another have not been able to really have before. Maybe if I dare to participate in some sort form of charity and build a part of my life around that. Its good thing to do and its POSITIVE action and I could feel that I really do something worth doing and feel more a purpose for my life for it. Ive always from time to time contemplated it, but not done yet anything about it. This is something that I have always thought relating to porn which makes me doubtful and cautious about it and its motives, and the people whos got something to do with it. They have no respect towards for humanity. Theres no honor in it. Ive always been bothered about the fact that it seems to be OK to think that some people are bad and some are good, some inferior and some superior, and all this talk of like "shes just a slut who has no human dignity." Its not right to think that people are bad or worse than another and Ive always felt sorry for these porn actresses and the situation theyve ended with. But Ive always wondered am I the only one who thinks its evil, it seems like a lot of people around me do not think so. Like its ok and theres nothing bad to it. What am I seeing and feeling differently than all these other people? Where does it come from? Is it because Im just more sensitive to these kinds of things??
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Post by freedom on Dec 4, 2007 8:04:45 GMT -5
WAY-TO-GO BUD!! I hope you feel good. sh Thanks man. Im feeling ok. Nothing to complain about, at least nothing relating to P.
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Post by freedom on Dec 5, 2007 7:50:23 GMT -5
Day 15.
Eat well. Exercise. Get out of the house. Enjoy peoples company. Dont stay on your own.
Dont just sit all day at home. Do something. See your friends.
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To tell the truth, writing this journal is starting to get boring. Maybe I have focused too much on writing this journal and not actually living a life and taking real action.
I should focus more on other things than hanging around the computer. Then after a while get back again here when I got something to tell about.
I need some balance, and im too much focusing on this journal.
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Post by seekinghealing on Dec 6, 2007 1:57:23 GMT -5
I hear ya Freedom - it can get kind of compulsive to come here and write. But its way better of an addiction than some others. sh
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Post by freedom on Dec 10, 2007 13:25:14 GMT -5
Well, back again here, writing the journal.
Still no porn.
Im too tired to think of anything to write now so later.
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