orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Oct 9, 2007 13:05:51 GMT -5
well its simple, i just had a binge, before my girlfriend comes around! unbelivable, i do disgust myself, but i am determined now, i am a strong person, and when i set myself a goal i will make it, as i mentioned in my previous thread i am a film-maker, well have just set up my company anyway, so i am working my way up, and there are always failures, but its the will to carry on that makes it worth while, i hope this is the same, nobody knows, and this is truly my first confession, i have a strong reputation and good image to everyone around me, but i feel like im crumbling a little! but i will make it through, just need to have somewere to write this stuff down.
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Oct 18, 2007 6:51:14 GMT -5
damn it i failed.
it has been around 2 weeks, which is nothing! but it the first time i have really tried,but i failed, im finding it so hard! i dont know how to stop this, i just keep failing, and i hate failing. its so hard to stop, i never realised.
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Post by LookingUp on Oct 18, 2007 9:19:52 GMT -5
Congratulations on the 2 week sobriety. That's really very good.
It seems that about 2 weeks of sobriety is when PAs often start the physical/emotional withdrawal symptoms. What will you change about your sobriety plan to help you over the 2 week limit?
LookingUp
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Oct 24, 2007 9:18:09 GMT -5
i have no idea at all, im just over 2 weeks now, and its so tough! i dont really know what to do, im just trying to work even harder, keep my mind of it
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Post by LookingUp on Oct 24, 2007 10:32:12 GMT -5
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Oct 24, 2007 12:11:56 GMT -5
i nearly lost it today, so close, i just opened up a site on the net and then i decided to check this thread, and saw the link, thank you, it stopped me this time, and the things i have learnt will stop it again, i just managed to pull myself back, but my god it was hard
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Nov 14, 2007 12:18:20 GMT -5
i made 3 weeks, but then i gave it, nothing triggered it, i just cracked, plain and simple, so now it starts here.
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Dec 12, 2007 7:02:17 GMT -5
1 MONTH this friday! cant belive it, nearly a month, thats the longest since i was 14!!!!
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Dec 17, 2007 9:04:34 GMT -5
1month and three days, its very very tough, feel like im giving up smoking again, except the niccotene is 10000000% more potent, man its a trial, but im getting there, i think
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Dec 27, 2007 19:08:57 GMT -5
1month 2 weeks, its not as tough as it has been, maby im over the hill, i feel cleansed somehow, i feel free, its like its been eating away at me, but now im chopping it out, and its painful, but not i can heal, because the air can get to the wound
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Jan 17, 2008 12:14:12 GMT -5
im not over the hill, i broke twice this week, twice, damn it, i just opened a door of sin and the (expletive) hit the fan, and just broke again, a real relapse, and now im terrified of what might happen, bad things follow this addiction around, this week i broke, i had a real relapse, i broke, and i am disgusted, i feel like im running out of time, before the scars in my head become permenant, iv thought of replasive addiction, start smoking again, at least my body can repair itself, my mind wont be able too, not if i carry on like this much longer, 19 years old and buggered by this, who would have thought it, in todays society,
Im getting up again, im standing and im gonna be taller, stronger and im not breaking this time, im not breaking for as long as is humanly possible, im gonna find new strength, and im going to find new hope and im going to slay my demons.
game on
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Jan 22, 2008 12:33:16 GMT -5
well that was 5 days, FIVE tiny days, they meant nothing, pathetic, i feel low right now, i feel like a failure, iv always had such strong will power, put my mind to anything then i can do it, but for some reason i cant break this, maby its because im alone in this, apart from God, but its something i have to do myself, got to break it, its all gotten a bit much for me, and im left wondering, were did i start? and were did i loose it? when did it become a problem, and how did i manage to let it get this far, what the hell happened
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Jan 23, 2008 11:31:49 GMT -5
its the 23rd, 1 day into what i have dedicated myself too, this time there wont be a surrender, i will surpass my one and a half month that i managed previously, im gonna smash that (expletive) into the ground, im rocking and rolling, know what i mean? corse you do
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orion
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by orion on Jan 28, 2008 11:55:05 GMT -5
well my rock and roll came to a hasty end 5 days in, mainly because i gave myself an escuse, i asked my girlfriend if we could abstain for 40 days and 40nights, she agreed, after i explained that i felt that it had become a crutch to lean on, so she agreed, which is a big step for me, its halfway to admitting to her that i have a problem, but it starts on valentines day, fairly appropriate, thats the day, so i thought i owed myself one last hit before the drought, and after the 40 days and nights are up, we will see, who knows what it will be like, who knows how i will feel, and who knows how she will feel, should be interesting.
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