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Post by suedehead on Aug 21, 2007 13:39:19 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of the slips, FS. I really empathize with your difficulty in finding the line between A) not beating yourself up over a slip and B) abandoning yourself and your recovery to the addiction.
Glad you had a strong 13 days though. Congrats on that and the good, healthy physical activity you did.
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Incidentally, I slipped today as well. Let's agree not to regret today any more than we already have to. Let's get to work.
suedehead
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Post by freshstart on Aug 22, 2007 8:34:14 GMT -5
Suedehead, Thanks for your support.
Today i am sober. It feels good, but i know it could be gone very easily. i guess in a way, everyday is a day 0. I just need to keep looking for what i can do. There is always something constructive i can do with my life, and there is always something destructive. In any instant.
I aim to search for the constructive things.
Best wishes, FS
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Post by freshstart on Aug 22, 2007 8:39:50 GMT -5
Problems worthy of attack, Prove their worth by hitting back
Piet Hein
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Post by freshstart on Aug 22, 2007 11:12:41 GMT -5
Fallen again.
I lack commitment this week. Part of this is because i had good relations with my g/f last night, even though i was not clean. My Pornomind now tells me that not only is it OK to look, but that it actually helps relations. I know this is not the case. The period when things were worst between us in bed co-incided with a lot of P usage, The period when things were best between us co-incided with a period of almost 40 days of sobriety.
Do the maths......................
I must recommit to my sobriety. It is the most important thing in my life, as without it, i can not have anything else.
For today, FS
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Post by freshstart on Aug 23, 2007 8:56:04 GMT -5
Problems worthy of attack, prove their worth by hitting back.
This is a difficult day, not because i am really busy, but because i have been really lazy. I have wasted most of the day, not on P, but on other rubbish, which is almost as bad. Anyway, this kind of day usually leads to P anyway.
I must get back on track. The only way i can get anywhere is by starting off and facing all those itsy bitsy things i need to do.
Well here goes. I'll report back in two hours. FS
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Andy
Full Member
Posts: 233
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Post by Andy on Aug 24, 2007 4:43:49 GMT -5
Hi FS, hows it going? Procarastination leads to MB (and P)! I have known this for a long time and recently I have been seeing it in action a lot.
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Post by freshstart on Aug 24, 2007 11:21:33 GMT -5
Hi Andy, Of course you are right. Procrastination is a huge trigger for P. I once heard someone define Procrasturbation as the excessive, often joyless use of MB to avoid doing work, rather than for any actual pleasure.
I am sober today, but i wasn't yesterday. Today was easy, as i was very busy, and i enjoyed the work. Yesterday was more difficult. Next week will be difficult. I will use the weekend to pray for guidance from God.
Take care,
FS
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Post by freshstart on Aug 29, 2007 4:11:46 GMT -5
I am here today. I am starting new. I cannot give up hope.
This will be Day 1 if i make it through the day clean. I am having a tough time at the moment. Things are not going well with my g/f. She is giving me the cold shoulder at the moment, and it is made all the more pointed by the fact that she is normally so warm.
Oh well. It is my own fault. To quote a cliche, this is my chicken's coming home to roost.
Feeling sorry for myself will not get me anywhere. I will work hard, and maybe i will be able to extricate myself from this situation.
Problems worthy of attack, prove their worth by hitting back.
I am addicted to P and MB, but today i am doing something about my problem.
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Post by freshstart on Aug 29, 2007 10:48:34 GMT -5
I feel wretched. This is day 0, again. I feel hollow inside. I feel as if there is no hope for me. But i must go on. I must pick myself up and start again. There are always inches to be made up. There is always a better place than this.
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Post by suedehead on Aug 29, 2007 14:31:58 GMT -5
Sometimes this is the only comfort.
I empathize completely. Let's pray for each other.
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Post by freshstart on Aug 30, 2007 3:07:01 GMT -5
I am here again. I have an urge to look at P. My g/f and I made up, and i have an urge to celebrate. I use it to comfort myself when i am down, I use it to celebrate, I use it to procrastinate. Its an all-purpose addiction! Except that the only purpose it serves is to destroy my life. It makes me miserable, thereby creating a need for itself. It is parasitic, and it is brilliantly successful.
But today, just today, i plan to resist temptation. Not only that, but i will plan a day that will hopefully limit temptation.
FS
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Post by freshstart on Aug 30, 2007 3:16:02 GMT -5
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Andy
Full Member
Posts: 233
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Post by Andy on Aug 30, 2007 9:13:48 GMT -5
I use it to comfort myself when i am down, I use it to celebrate, I use it to procrastinate. Its an all-purpose addiction! Except that the only purpose it serves is to destroy my life. It makes me miserable, thereby creating a need for itself. It is parasitic, and it is brilliantly successful. You have a way of saying it how it is! This is so right!
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Andy
Full Member
Posts: 233
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Post by Andy on Aug 30, 2007 9:14:27 GMT -5
Deffinatly is a parasite.
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Post by freshstart on Aug 30, 2007 9:33:51 GMT -5
Andy, Thanks for dropping by.
I have fallen again. I would like to wallow in self pity, but that will get me nowhere. I must get up again. There is 2 hours of this day left. I will be productive for those 2 hours.
FS
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