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Post by BlackSpiral on May 1, 2005 18:43:12 GMT -5
Firefox - making the web nicer.Okay, so most people have already heard about Firefox. And, I'm sure, plenty of people have either picked it up and been duly impressed (including myself, and a good number of technical reviewers) while others have looked suspiciously at the new Mozilla product, and decided to stick to their tried and trusted Internet Explorer product. Well, I'm going to wave my Firefox flag now. In fact, I'm going to stick it on a large, shiny flagpole, and say Hooray for Firefox! And, to all those who're wondering about how they can keep their web just a little bit nicer, I'm going to say - go to the Firefox website, and download and install Firefox!But why, I hear you cry? Well, you've probably all heard the basics by now, of course. It's more robust. It's better protected from spyware and adware - it won't allow pop-ups except from sites you've told it to allow them from, and it does the same for installing programs. No more programs suddenly installing themselves from an IE popup without your say-so! And all that's really nice. But it doesn't stop there. You know those really annoying banners that pop up on other websites? Well, some of them can be blocked through third party programs. But with Firefox, just right-click on the image, and at the bottom of your list of choices, it'll offer the option to block all images from that website. Make a mistake, and you can just go to the Tools drop-down, go to Web features within the Options menu and then unblock it. Simple, and easy. Better yet (though probably a little more confusing), if you go to that Web features place, there's an optional setting there, which allows you to ONLY load up images from the originating website! (That means, if you're on a website where users can specify a URL to their "personal image", then those images won't show up. Not just won't show up, either - Firefox won't even try to load them.) Sometimes, websites will legitimately use images from their own image server, but again, there's a list option in there that lets you set up allowed websites, too. For example, this forum uses images from 4d5.net and www.no-porn.com - if you put those in the allowed list, though, then the website will automatically load those images, even if you've set the flag to only allow images from the originating website. By far the majority of websites, however, only use images from their own URL, except for banner ads - and that means, 98% of the time, all that gets blocked is third-party banners and user images (which can be a suspect barrel o' fish at the best of times). It's an impressive piece of software, very user-friendly, and I really hope that some of you who haven't installed it on your PC yet will get around to it soon. It's 100% free, and as a step forward from IE, it is both innovative, and significantly better balanced towards a user who wants more control over what they see when they're browsing the internet. At first I thought it was good; then I thought it was great. And now, I think it's wonderful. I hope you will too.
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Post by gerry on May 1, 2005 19:40:53 GMT -5
intersting! I am going to see that firefox site... thanks
gerry
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Post by BlackSpiral on May 24, 2005 0:00:43 GMT -5
Change, Loss and Gains I think that one of the strangest effects of recovery is to do with change. Although I was always ready to make changes in my life, and prepared to change to become the kind of person that I hoped I would be, I wasn't prepared for just how profound the sense of distance between my present self and my old self would seem to be.
The distance has sometimes been unsettling for me. Memories of the person that I used to be, of the things I did before, of the ways I acted, thought, believed and behaved had led me at times to question the path I had chosen. Not in terms of its virtue; I never had doubts on that count. But I wondered if the newer me was the product of trying to force myself into a mold I had somehow idealised; and if the old version of me better represented my true self, or the person I was perhaps supposed to be.
Part of it, I think, is driven by the perspective on losses, and gains. When we start on the path to sobriety, the most vivid element of which we are aware is the thing we are giving up. We are giving up our substance of abuse. In my own case, I was so intertwined with my addiction at first that the very idea of giving it up permanently seemed somehow bizarre. Not even dreadful, or terrible, or painful - simply as though, it really couldn't be true. I wanted to give it up. I was trying to give it up. But on some level, I just couldn't believe that I would really never be going back to my old patterns of behaviour, my old online haunts.
This is part of the perspective of loss. The loss is heightened, because we see it in a highly idealised, unrealistic way. The perspective that drives us to return to our old behaviours is one that is unbalanced; recalling all of the pleasures and positives, and few of the pains, losses and things damaged through its use. And I know, some will think that their positive view of porn is entirely realistic; but it isn't. So long as you see only one part of the picture, your view is biased and false - just like someone looking at a chocolate coated cyanide pill, and seeing only the sweet flavour.
The first thing that allowed me to start to resolve this sense of distance was focusing on a more realistic view of what it was that I had given up. Bringing all the pain I had caused and felt into the picture - and realising, often for the first time, things I had lost or given up without even REALISING that I had been giving them up, back before I realised I had a problem - I came to see my old behaviours in a quite different light. The key, I realised, wasn't simply to remember the things I did, when, how I felt, or how much I enjoyed them. It was also to realise and remember the whole of what was going on in my life at the time. What DIDN'T I do at the same time as all of this? What holes were there in my life that I had wanted to fill? What kind of situations, feelings, emotions had driven me toward this kind of behaviour in the first place? And beyond that, to recall - when I was older - the pain that I had gone through in my attempts to recover, and the feelings and events that had driven me to WANT to recover, before my addiction had ever been known by anyone other than myself.
This sense of balance allowed me to view the loss in another light; not a loss, so much, as a trade, or even a gain. I hadn't thrown away old, pleasurable behaviours, views, attitudes, beliefs. I'd simply traded them for newer, better ones.
And that, in the end, brought me full-circle, to the realisation of change. The changes I had made weren't losses, but simply changes. I had never thrown out parts of my personality; I had changed some, twisted some. I had reworked some, rebuilt some. I had thrown out some of the old traits and beliefs I had leaned on, and replaced them with those that I believed in more fundamentally, building myself up into the kind of person that I would respect. I had grown.
Growth is, in the end, a product more of gain, than of loss. We start out built weak, and have to constantly build ourselves up more strongly; and for every new, strong brick we wish to place, we find ourselves covering an older, weaker one. To rebuild a wall, sometimes, we may have to first tear down that old wall, from top to bottom; then, we can start to place our new bricks and build ourselves up taller again. Other times, though, we may simply strengthen and bolster the walls we already have. It's the same throughout life - in the first ten to twelve years of their life, a child will start to sacrifice his or her naivete, in order that they can earn the wisdom that they need to live their life - but for some, that child-like excitement with life will carry on, despite their growth.
It is rarely simply a case of the old being torn down, and new built completely fresh. We are always built on the ruins and walls of our old selves; and our old selves are always a part of who we are. And many times, though our old behaviours may be repugnant or disgusting, and though we may choose to look down on them and despise them, they were a necessary part of the people we became. We are a product of all the choices, beliefs, attitudes and actions we ever held or took. We may not be proud of them all; but they were all necessary for us to find our way to this place, to be the people we are today.
That, in the end, is the truth that I came to. There really is no great distance between an old me, and a new me - the old me is a foundation of who I am today. I have not thrown away myself; all that has happened is, I have grown. And I have grown into someone, finally, who I can be proud of.
Someone, in fact, that I dreamed of being - back when I was still that old me.
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Post by BlackSpiral on May 24, 2005 19:21:55 GMT -5
Breaking the Myth This ties into what I said above, I think, but it's been triggered mostly by reading the posts on the general board, where gbridges and others were discussing the nature of phone-sex, and the truth at the other end of the line. In this addiction, one of the biggest enemies of the recovering addict is the myth.
The myth is part of the essence of this addiction. The whole myth - that this woman wants you, or that this woman is who she says, does this because she wants to, and that there isn't a production crew involved in the whole thing - is bound up in it all. They don't want you to think of it as being a product. They don't want you to realise what's really going on. Just like Hollywood, they want you to buy into the story, hook, line and sinker. In Hollywood, they may want you to buy into the noble hero, who fights for truth and justice. But here, they want you to buy into the notion of a wh0re, who only wants you, and who doesn't exist beyond being a sexual object.
It's all smoke and mirrors, but they want you to buy into it. And we do. Not just into the product in what we see; but into the myth that the product is a true representation of the world outside of it. We buy into the idea that women act this way, think this way, look this way and want men to act and be a certain way. We buy into the idea that the virtues represented by the men in porn are somehow things to be aimed for, and that they represent how men really are, or even, how men are really supposed to be. Our whole world becomes shaped into a myth, built up around the ideals and values put forward by pornography.
They're careful about it, too. Some may not have direct experience of it, but when you buy something as supposedly low-down on the chain of pornographic habit as a flat, plain, ordinary porn mag, the pictures are not the worst thing in it. Far, far from it. Sure, the pictures are why guys buy it; but thrown in with all those pictures are "stories", "interviews" and the occasional "comments" that help paint a picture of the world, too. The way people act and live. You get sold a view of women, beyond just the way they look - you get sold a carefully-constructed idea of how they think.
You get sold an idea of what they want. What they want you to think, or do. Who they think you should be. How they think you should look. And they are painted carefully; for every possible noble virtue assigned, they are thrown another, crude attitude, to balance it. No woman is loyal to her partner, unless he is a sexual stud. No matter about a family, a husband or another partner - no woman cannot be seduced, if the man has enough sexual magnetism going on. And better yet, no woman doesn't actually want to be seduced. Almost without exception, the stories written are from the perspective of a woman. It never says "Women like this, so blahdy blah" - it almost universally says "He did this - I love it when a guy does that!"
I read these stories as a teenager, having worked up the courage to buy the magazine over the counter myself - but I was naive, and didn't have any clue that they didn't really represent reality. I read the stories, and tried to learn from them; as if somehow, they would help me to be more attractive, to help understand "what women really want in a man", or how I was supposed to act.
Quotes are assigned to the women pictured, too. They "talk" about what they like to do (or have done to them) and how they feel about all these guys looking at them in the magazine. A great irony of this is the fact that, for one model, I saw her give two different accounts - one in a porn mag, and one in a candid interview. In the porn mag, she said it excited her. In the other interview, she said that the only way she could do her job was to not think about it.
Something of a contrast, don't you think?
But this is one of the things we struggle against as addicts. Not just an array of images and memories, but also a culture of myth, of false knowledge and a carefully-constructed set of beliefs and ideals that didn't really exist in the first place. And men, like myself, grew up reading stories that sold these beliefs - and bought them as being the truth.
Breaking down this myth; learning to see the reality behind the carefully-woven curtain of lies; is something that really is necessary to recovery. Porn goes deeper than just its use; it brought with it a whole world of lies that shaped our beliefs, attitudes and understanding of the world.
Simply removing the porn use from our lives won't undo the damage that has been done here - we need to go deeper, and really question and challenge the validity of our beliefs and attitudes. Otherwise, all we do is stitch the wound, and leave the poison unaddressed - and eventually, it'll be the death of us.
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Post by presciousself on May 25, 2005 8:26:22 GMT -5
This thread should be required reading.
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Post by BlackSpiral on Jun 1, 2005 22:47:22 GMT -5
Detachment Not much to say, really, save that I find myself feeling more and more detached from the board and its members of late. Paradox has slipped, then vanished for a day and a half so far; I never expected that at all. He was one of those who really seemed to have his life in order, to really have clicked all the pieces together and made them stick.
LeopoldMozart, too, from what I gathered last, fell after an encounter with old, lost porn on his hard drive. The elders that I first followed seem to be falling all around, and it's an incredibly uncomfortable feeling to see it happening - rather like being in a regiment of soldiers and watching them all drop. I'm starting to feel all alone up here.
I know there are others whose sobriety is still intact - W2BG was still solid when he left, and Tom's sobriety I think is still as solid as ever; but all those who helped me and gave me guidance when I first joined the board have now either fallen, or left the board entirely.
I watch it happen, and I always find myself wondering - what did I do that they didn't? The most unnerving idea of all is that maybe there's nothing - that maybe, this is just sitting around the corner for me too. That perhaps, I'm just overconfident, and that falls or slips are inevitable. But I don't really believe that - I never bought the idea of the inevitable slip or the unavoidable fall. Sure, temptation may be around the corner - but the corners seem much fewer and further between lately, and I've become adept at whacking it on the head with a rubber mallet.
Still, seeing all this makes me wonder if I shouldn't trade up to an iron one.
Someone on the partner's side asked, if the consequences were worse, would they have still slipped? But to me, it's not quite that question that needs to be answered. It isn't what the consequences of your actions are - it's how aware you are of the consequences, how threatening they are to you. A gun pressed to the temple is more threatening to you than a man hiding behind a box with an automatic rifle aimed at you. They'll both kill you. But you're aware of the gun to your head. You're aware of the potential of death. The gunman behind the box will kill you just as much - but you don't know it.
Oh well. Enough said, and enough gloom for one evening I think.
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Post by choselife on Jun 1, 2005 23:53:18 GMT -5
There will always be new regimens of soldiers to join you. I hope to be one of them, and I can name a couple of others who I think will join you too.
And you play a major role as a leader of these soldiers who will be joining you. Not that its your obligation to stay on the board to serve this role, but the reality is you do serve that role.
When I hear about Paradox slipping, it tells me about the power of the addiction. But because Paradox and some other elders may have fallen has nothing to do with you falling, in my humble opinion. Anything is of course possible, but each one of us are unique individuals.
The other thing I don't quite get, and I am curious of your opinion, is if somebody (like Paradox) is sober for over a year, and then use internet P for one day, as disappointing as it must be, does it really have to be thought of as a disaster? I think that treating it like disaster is BS black and white thinking, which just feeds into the addiction, as if you feel its a disaster, and wiped out all that you accomplished, you're likely to turn it into a binge. The healthy, rational and on some level, very obvious thing to do is to stop acting out, and non-critically, examine what feelings led to acting out, so next time those feelings can be handled without acting out. I think this is where the necessary supports are needed, whether it be a support group or therapist. Without good supports, I think that is where it gets real tough.
I think that for Paradox the year of not acting out and working so hard on recovery is 100 times more significant than acting out that one day. I hope that he realizes that. To not realize that is being unduly harsh on yourself and is self-sabotaging.
CL
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Post by BlackSpiral on Jun 2, 2005 0:44:49 GMT -5
CL - thanks for your reply. The new soldiers, so to speak, are a large part of why I stay here. As has been posted here before - a slip doesn't wipe out a year's sobriety, but nor does a year's sobriety justify or excuse the slip. From the perspective of my own sobriety...it would be difficult to explain how a single slip would affect me. In terms of action, and days, one small act wouldn't take away from the year and a half that I had been sober. But it's not just the act. It's everything that went before it; all the small changes that took place that allowed the act to occur at all. After so much progress in my own life, now, it would be a tremendous step backwards in my personal growth, and would represent a tremendous loss for me, that - while perhaps neither disastrous, nor devastating - would certainly feel like both. I'm certain I would find it easier to pick up from that vantage than I did from the vantage of years caught up in active addiction. But it would be a severe blow to me. Sobriety is part of who I am, now - it is an active representation of my morals and beliefs, and of my commitment to my partner. To violate that would be to violate myself, and her, in a pretty fundamental way. It would be to have surrendered the control I worked so hard to recover - to have given up the presence of mind that allowed me to choose how I act, based on my morals, values and my own beliefs, rather than on an immediate perceived need for gratification. For me - the loss of a slip outweighs any immediate gains so utterly that even the idea of a slip seems somehow bizarre, almost unbelievable - as ridiculous as the idea that someone might cut off their arm to show a weight loss on the scales. So when I see others falling around me, it's unnerving; I feel, inside, as though slips are no longer a part of my life, and that my recovery has been built deeply and strongly enough to hold. These falls sometimes make me question that - because, in many ways, I was as certain of their sobriety as I was of my own. These are people I look up to myself, and are people whose advice helped me to get to where I am today. My post is more to do with that, than anything else - not that others should see their own actions as devastating, but rather, that it makes me question the possibility of something occurring in my own life that would be devastating to me, and to my wife. Suffice to say, it's an unnerving feeling. Fortunately enough, I suppose, it doesn't last long in the face of my own confidence and belief about sobriety. Quite simply, I won't allow it to be a possibility - and that fact pushes the concern out of my mind. I worked hard to establish control of myself, and exerting it is the privilege I have to show for it. With examining things, critically or non - it's a tricky question. However, it boils down to this - a single day's acting out seems insignificant, when levelled against a hundred days' of sobriety. What is more significant, though, is firstly everything under it - what led to the event, what changes allowed it to occur, and why you returned to it when you had been sober - and secondly, what could follow it if it remains unchecked. Sober days can never be lost; but sobriety's gains can be undone.
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iamai
New Member
My new life begins June 7, 2005 and everyday thereafter, God willing
Posts: 12
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Post by iamai on Jun 7, 2005 4:10:59 GMT -5
Black Spiral- I have read every shining word in this thread and want to sincerely thank you for sharing your struggle with SA. One of my best friends is a recovering alcoholic (under amazingly miraculous circumstances) and the one thing he always says is, "I'll never be sober, but I won't drink today." Reading these journals is both a comfort and a source of terror, in a way. I too find it unnerving that so many others are in the grip of this cunning addiction. SA has no prejudice and afflicts the clever and the naive, equally. I'm amazed how many times I find myself too proud to realize how ignorant I am about my addiction. Wherever I go, there I am (and it)....an no matter how successful I become at any aspect of my life, the addiction is right there to remind me who's boss (when of course, I'm not telling it where to go ) I look forward to reading your journal and wish you the very best in your spiritual journey to slay your demons.
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Post by Brad7 on Jun 8, 2005 20:49:12 GMT -5
My post is more to do with that, than anything else - not that others should see their own actions as devastating, but rather, that it makes me question the possibility of something occurring in my own life that would be devastating to me, and to my wife. Suffice to say, it's an unnerving feeling. can be undone. So you are getting nervous about some of the long-standing members slipping and you fear that it will happen to you. Remember these people, including myself, deliberately used p*rn, or did some other non-sober act. You used to do that. You no longer do it as far as I can tell. One big mistake is to through caution to the wind and just give it a try again. I get the impression you might go down that path at present. Best wishes Brad
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Post by BlackSpiral on Jun 9, 2005 0:42:26 GMT -5
Brad7 - no fear of that. I would not have gone down that path at the time of posting, nor would I do so now. I have control of the choice, and that simply isn't the choice I'll make, or the choice I would have made.
That's really the point of what follows on immediately after what you quoted - I won't allow it to happen, and I have done the work to give myself the self-control to be able to make that choice. Though it might not be obvious from the way I was writing in those posts, I wasn't really fearing a slip; I was simply questioning whether or not my cast-iron belief in the fact that I wouldn't slip was as solid as I had thought.
Pretty much, though, I concluded that it was - and that was that.
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Post by BlackSpiral on Jun 9, 2005 13:13:21 GMT -5
Hope, versus Fear This is something that I wrote about recently to a friend on the board, and I wanted to post about it here in my journal. I think I've touched on it before, but I wanted to add something to it.
When I was first working through Robbins, around four or five months into my recovery, I started to learn about the application of negative and positive consequences to help influence behaviour. At first, I was intrigued most by the negative consequences - it was the first area touched on in depth, discussing (I believe) dieters, and their use of eating a can of (partially horse-meat) dog food as a consequence should they slip. I actually posted about it on the board, and received quite mixed responses to it. Some thought it was good - others thought that a system of rewards was better. I don't remember much more of the discussion than that today, though.
Later, I began to be more intrigued by the use of more positive consequences - the gains, the things that can be achieved - rather than the negative consequences. To some extent, that included the 'reward' schemes, such as an iPod for 100 days sobriety, or the dollar-a-day in a jar. But ultimately, those gains are shallow, and once passed, can be written off - with an iPod for 100 days, that weakens the strength of the commitment on day 101. Much more important are the deeper gains - the things that can be achieved in the long term, permanent gains, that must be maintained to be preserved. Notably, this doesn't mean that the negative consequences shouldn't play a role, though - an effective balance between the two is probably best of all. But in my experience, the most effective balance is tilted heavily towards the positive consequences, not the negative ones.
Largely, this ties into things I've said before, on focus, and motive. When you're focusing on the mountain path that you want to follow, it's much easier to keep your footing than when you're focusing on the edge you don't want to fall off of. It keeps your focus very well - you know where to place your next step, because you're looking at where it should be. Focus too hard on the edge, though, and a small rock may trip you - even though it was in plain sight all the time.
Beyond this, there's an issue of attitude, of mental state, that is massively different between these two approaches, and which boils down largely to what I posted before about motive. Broadly speaking, the two attitudes can be grouped as Hope, and Fear - and Hope is the more powerful of the two, when it comes to this. It is far more important to have solid, powerful motives to be clean than it is to have motives to not be dirty. That way, you're not trying to avoid something you don't want - instead, you're working towards something you do.
The difference is significant. Language, too, comes into play here - and the distinction between positive language and negative language is important. The more positive your focus is, the more positive your language is, the more positive your actions will be to achieve that focus. People will fight to win $10,000 in a competition with eagerness, enthusiasm, and hope. In contrast, though, people will fight not to lose $10,000 with a sense of dread and desperation.
The distinction seems small, at first sight; but inside, the impact on attitude, emotional state and confidence is quite different. The difference between looking forward, and looking back, is clear.
As I said, though, there's a role for both of these here. The idea isn't to dump all your awareness of negative consequences and rely on the positives; you have both tools available, and you should use both. By all means, be aware of the possible consequences of failure; be aware of what it will cost you, how hard it will hurt, who will be hurt. You shouldn't hide from those consequences; you should rather embrace them.
But when it comes time to really focus on your recovery, the most effective focus is a positive one - so make sure that, for every stone you pile up for negative consequences, you've piled two for positive rewards that you can achieve through your recovery.
Recovery can be many things. It can be a desperate struggle; it can be a fight for survival. But it is at its best when it is a crusade and quest for life; a chance at growth and rebirth that can vitalise the spirit, galvanise determination and leave you craving the next day of sobriety as something you truly desire in your life.
Not simply a day without feeling dirty; but a day of feeling clean and bright. Not a day of not failing; but a day of growth and success. Not a day where you are relieved; but a day where you are happy. Not a day where you don't have to feel ashamed; but a day where you can be proud of the person you are.
Know who you want to be, know what you want to do, and know why you want both of these things.
Then go and claim them.
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Post by BlackSpiral on Jun 10, 2005 23:38:04 GMT -5
The Book of Affirmations and Reminders I've mentioned this before, but until today, I don't think I've really gone into it in very much detail. Below, I've added a slightly edited version of a reply to a question someone asked me on the board earlier today.
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The book was actually very small - roughly three inches tall, denim blue cover, and bound with a small piece of blue elastic. It was the best and neatest notebook I could find, on the day I looked for it, that would fit easily into any pocket. In the front, I wrote 'Book of Affirmations and Reminders', and a short reminder to myself to take fifteen seconds to think about each point, when I was reading through it. (I found, by doing that, the book became almost a meditative focus for me when I was struggling.)
The book was always intended as an aid for me when I was in my most troublesome times - and so I knew I couldn't waste my time writing out the long, rambling sentences I'm otherwise inclined to use. In the book, no point was longer than around ten words at most - many were shorter than that. That way, each one could be read quickly, easily understood, and then focused on and considered for the time I had set aside. Each page had around three points on it, in total (small pages), so the book was always direct and to the point, and never felt overwhelming. There was always an empty line between each point, so each was always clear and separate.
The points were reminders to myself. I wrote to myself about the damage I had done, to myself, and to others. I wrote about the worst times I had gone through. I wrote about the truth of what I really wanted to achieve, and what I had in my life. I focused all of my energy and determination down into as few words as possible, then wrote it down.
It was a developing project, too. At first, when I sat down, I had quite a few points to make - and I wrote them all down. But later, when I would be working through my recovery, another would strike me - so I'd pick up the book, and add the new point to a page.
The points included these points, amongst many others -
You don't want to go back to it. You love your wife. Your wife loves you. You don't want to hurt her. Porn will hurt her. She deserves more than that. Porn will hurt you. You deserve more than this. You want to be clean. Porn will lie to you. Porn will not fix anything. Porn only makes things worse. You are strong enough. You can make it through. You will be glad you did.
Remember - for each sentence, I was sitting back, and taking fifteen seconds to think it through. There were more; unfortunately, I don't have my little book with me anymore (it's still somewhere, but probably buried in storage boxes from before my move), so I can't go through and pick out the exact words that I had chosen. However, one page I do recall clearly; it related to possibly the lowest point in my addiction, when I broke down crying after acting out one time. It was, essentially :
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Remember the worst time, back in the bathroom.
Remember how it all felt.
You don't want to go back there.
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That passage helped me a lot. It helped me to take the focus away from the pleasure I remembered, and made me remember all the rotten pain I had gone through as a result of this god-damned addiction. More than once, it was like throwing ice-water onto my addiction.
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In the post in question, the poster mentioned that he didn't like to carry physical things, in case they were to end up in the wrong hands - a sentiment I could easily relate to, and which I'm sure many other people can too. When I first thought of the book, I considered this fact myself, but ended up deciding to get it anyway. Firstly, I was going to carry the book everywhere - so nobody was probably going to get their hands on it anyway. But secondly, my recovery was simply far more important to me than any potential embarrassment or discomfort that might have arisen, should anyone have actually gotten their hands on that book.
For over six months, if you were to have met me as I wandered around, that book would have been in my pocket, come hell or high water. It was actually very reassuring to have something in my pocket that would always be there to help support me, no matter how hard times became.
In the back of the book, I also listed alternative behaviours - things like going for a walk, or going to the grocery store. Doing crosswords, reading a book, and so on. That, in the end, was pretty much it - the entire book, from cover to cover.
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Post by Scott on Jun 11, 2005 14:12:50 GMT -5
thanks for posting this Black Spiral. It's great to separate out and isolate all those things you mention below. I can see how that could bring clarity to a battle against the periodic waves of temptation. If you don't mind I think I may add some to my own mental book. There are now 13 items in my own and they are, as you mention, things I've built up over time. It's really amazing how recovery evolves relatively quickly.
I was going to ask why you don't carry the book now, but i suspect your journal answers this question so I'll look forward to going over it.
cheers Scott.
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Post by BlackSpiral on Jun 26, 2005 1:02:37 GMT -5
Frustration Argh. I suppose I should have known it would happen again sometime soon - more and more, I seem to find more reasons to be frustrated by, and less reasons to be encouraged by, the interactions on this forum. This time, it all boils down to the child porn discussion. I understand all the emotions that go into it - all the frustration, disgust, fear and protective instincts. But the fighting frustrates me, all the same.
The fighting is never helpful to this board, and unfortunately, neither is it as rare as I would like. It always seems to start off with the idea that every single question has a universal, perfect answer - and then people set out to prove why their answer is the one. It makes no sense. Every problem needs to have its specifics looked at before it can be properly solved; every situation needs to be considered in detail before it can really be fully understood, and therefore, effectively addressed. But people seem to always be looking for it - and also, to somehow try and justify their own stance in their own lives, by saying everyone else should adopt it too. World wide, it seems a problem in so many ways; religions try to force their own beliefs in where others already exist. Technology and marketing tries to move in on tribal cultures who they feel are 'uncivilised' (though, to my mind, this lack of civilisation is blissfully free of all the blights that our so-called civilisation has brought, both for ourselves, and for the world around us). Nobody seems happy to sit back, and accept that what works in one situation, for one person, one culture and one situation, may not be a global, universal solution to help save the world. Everyone seems determined to believe in the magic bullet; even though nobody seems willing to agree on what that bullet might be.
Sigh.
It makes me question my own position here, I guess. I no longer feel as happy here as I did. I used to feel a sense of pride as a member of this community; but today, I feel frustrated (again!) and, in fact, actually uncomfortable about posting. That's a first for me. And although people have told me before that they want me to stay here, that my wisdom is needed and that my advice is always welcome and helpful, I have to weigh things up - at what point does the frustration and discomfort I would avoid by leaving outweigh the help I can offer by staying?
I'm not sure of the answer, but I'm asking it of myself again today. In the end, I have to put my wife, myself and my recovery first; and if I feel that this board has become too detrimental to any of those three, then I will leave, regardless of my contribution here. I'm not sure if it is, though; I'm not one to make snap decisions. Especially with weighty choices, I always give myself time to consider my options, to think them through before acting. Flash, quick decisions, I've found, are rarely made from good motives or to good effect. But for the next week or so, I'm going to seriously consider what I should do next.
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