Viewing Porn Alone??

[sunstone]

I was just wondering if anyone out there could help me with this question. I have slowly discovered over the past few years of marriage that my husband likes to watch porn videos when I am out of town and he is alone. I caught him again the other day. His excuse to me was "that most men would rather look at porn videos alone than with their partner." Is that true?!? I always tell him if he wants to watch a video I would rather it be with me than by himself. He lies and tells me he isn't interested in watching porn videos and then I find hidden vidoes that he admits to looking at when I am gone! Is he telling the truth? Would most men with PA rather look at videos without thier SO?
Any help on this would be greatly appriciated. I have filed for a divorce and feel bad for doing it but I don't trust him anymore.....

[Benderson]

So explain to me how watching porn WITH him makes it better.

That's like saying, "I don't want you smoking crack alone, dear; so pass the pipe."

[wamu]

it's true we like to watch porn alone....mostly b/c we are ashamed of the act. it's a private shame for us all. kind of like picking your nose. u don't want to do it w/your partner cuz u r embarassed. that's simplified but true. the prob is that porn really isn't about sex. he has a partner so he can obviously have sex as needed. yes it's cheating on your wife, yes it is a sexual habit, but it is really just chasing the high, chasing the feelings that the brain gives u when it releases the chemicals that accompany sexual arrousal. why doesn't your H seek those same feelings with you??? i don't know. in my own experience i have always been able to get aroused for porn even after an 8 hr binge and several several several orgasms. but when u put a beautiful naked women in front of me, have NOT been able to achieve arousal on multiple occasions...so i don't believe it is about the sex, it is akin to chasing any other high...crack, pot, alcohol, skydiving, what have u. i've never had the desire to get together w/a bunch of my friends and masturbate or even view porn...it's really not a social drug. i don't even want to watch it w/my girlfriend...especially if i really care for her b/c i don't want to bring her clean body into this dirty dirty shameful world. Of course it starts out being about the sex, but slowly and gradually over several years morphs into an addiction to the high. So to answer your question probably most men would rather look at porn alone in the dark and then go face the real world after having spent a little time in their fantasy land.

I wish u wouldn't feel bad about filing for divorce...remember that u r the healthy one. Maybe it will help the guy out in the end. Anyway if my wife was cheating on me on a daily basis (virtual or otherwise) i would probably file for divorce as well.

I'm almost 11 days clean and soon to have closed this door on my life. It's good to be free!!!