I cannot stop

[breakingdachains]

I just can't... it's gone too far, I can't stop myself from viewing porn, it's everywhere, I tried disconnecting my internet and then there was softcore porn on my direct tv. I cannot stop masturbating, I've been trying to quit ever since a year after I began.

that was 8 years ago and now i'm 20, I've quit smoking,drugs,alcohol but I can't stop doing this.. It just gets me down so much everytime I go back, it's like a blanket of guilt that just beats up my ego and my ego makes 40 excuses and says tomorrow no more but then again I return to my old habits.

I don't know what to do anymore, The perversion has progressed to a whole new thing then when I started... There is something definitely messed up with porn and mb because if I go a week without doing it then I feel very good about life and life is great but when I go back It takes me down to a dark hole.

This has gone too far, I cannot emphasize that enough. I am like a slave to this porno, It's like substituting for any possible relationship I could have. But back to the subject, the urge is too strong, If I say tomorrow i'm gonna stop, I'm only bull(expletive)ting myself... I'm not gonna stop tomorrow.. the discipline is not there.

I really want to stop, I genuinely do so don't doubt me there but when I get the urge, the feeling to stop gets overshadowed by the pleasure of the experience. It's also because I have depression and I just don't have the pleasure of life that a person without depression has so I look for the orgasm and pornography as the fuel to the orgasm to satisfy my need for life's pleasure.

[gimmeshelter]

I'm sorry that you're feeling so pulled by this stuff. Start by just trying to make it through 1 day. I have had the life sucked out of me for more than 20 years. My best advice besides try to get through 1 day is for you to start removing all possible sources of P from your house. I ended up getting rid of the Internet, movie channels, all movies, etc. Although DirectTV is nice, wouldn't it be nicer not to feel like crap?

[breakingdachains]

my goal is too stop looking at porn even though it's going to be present, even if i turn off my direct tv, I'll only be avoiding one obstacle and I will eventually find a new way to view porn.

I want to porn to be non effective for me.

[zerotolerance]

I look for the orgasm and pornography as the fuel to the orgasm to satisfy my need for life's pleasure.

Life's pleasures can't be satisfied with o & p. So what are you really satisfying? A habit? Your False need for a repetative fix? You need to change your defination about what "life's pleasures" really mean. Get your mind more in line with the truth about what you getting.

[wamu]

Yo breakingdachains. YOU CAN STOP. YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN. Don't ever underestimate yourself and don't ever say can't. Get rid of that word. I bet there was a time when you believed you couldn't quit smoking, or drugs, or alcohol, but you kicked the crap out of those. You are stronger than you think. You can do it bro. You can doooooo IT! Choose to win. Choose to no longer be a slave. Choose to be free. STop beating yourself up bro. Look man you are a 20 yr old healthy male. You are naturally hardwired to want to have sex. We all get those urges. I'm 30 and still dealing w/the same urges. Every man on this board, whether they are 1 day clean or 5 yrs clean gets the urge to have sex. It's natural man. I feel your pain, and I know how the monster can progress. I've been there too from softcore to tooooo young, to animals....hey I'm just as jacked as anyone else on this thing and the millions more throughout the world who are still walking around in darkness as a freaking slave. Here's the diff b/w you & them. You've stepped into the arena. You've decided to fight this thing. You registered in a public forum and you have decided enough is enough. That takes some serious courage. You are a champion. Most addicts will never beat one addiction, you've already whipped 3 and about to make it four.

My problem was never really the porn or the sexual urges. It was that I was depressed or lonely or sad. These are 3 very natural and very legitimate problems to have. However I lacked the discipline to confront these problems head on. Instead of coping w/them in a healthy way, instead of dealing with the pain...i logged on and buried myself in the drug of porn and mb. For the last 9 days I have chosen to deal w/these problems in a more healthy way. I am not a slave. I CHOOSE to do something else...something else besides pissing my life away in front of a computer alone in the dark ashamed and enslaved. Look man we all have these urges. Probably everyone in the entire world does. I want to have sex right now. But I choose to deal w/that urge in a positive way. I'm lonely right now. But I choose to deal w/that urge in a positive way.

You can do it bro. Just make it through the next minute. THen make it through the next 59 minutes then make it through the next hour then make it through the next 24 hours. Before you know it you'll be clean and free. FFFFFFRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[johnb1aze]

breaking chains you need to commit to making this change in your life. I can tell you this you are young and I wish that when I was your age I could have been committed to making the change. Acknowledging that porn is a problem in your life is the first step. The second step is develop a structured plan to ween yourself off of porn. Many on this site will refer you to recoverynation.com. The sexualization of women in our society may make it difficult to escape porn. Porn can be very tempting, it's free on the internet, there are hints of it in television programming and at the moment it may seem like an impossible task to break the addiction. You realize it's life damaging effects and that's the first step. Seek help and remove the triggers that tempt you to watch porn or to mb. I would remove porn and mb together in the early stages of your recovery. I wish you the best of luck. Seek help, you can't do this alone.

[breakingdachains]

I was about to log on to a porn site and look at some sex but then I thought about this thread came to it, read your replies and decided to not look at porn.

zero tolerance, You make good sense when you say life's pleasures are not about p and o, It's just so hard because thats the only pleasure I can get whenever I want.

I never get pleasure out of everyday life and that is my problem as wamu stated. A lot of you seem to have been in the same position as me. I just feel it's exceptionally difficult for me because I have no friends, family hates me and is separated, no girfriend, depression and I cannot for the life of me talk to a girl that I like.

I guess I created myself from years and years of my habits and environment. johnb1aze I understand what you're saying, it is a very difficult challenge.

Thanks for the replies, I'll try resist

[ethanm]

I think the P may be a coping mechanism for alot of your life and yourself you may be unhappy with. Is there someone you can talk to beyond this board to help? I have noticed in my time here that it couples with depression or other problems, a qualified therapist of some kind might be able to help. Don't give up until youhave exhausted every tool available. You are not alone, don't fight alone. I am headed back to my therapist after 3-4 sessions that I dropped, I never felt so liberated when I was in that chair spilling my guts. Help is out there, go get it.

[C2M]

Just like to repeat Wamu YOU CAN STOP

[breakingdachains]

Ethan there is just no one else I can talk to about this problem except people on these boards even on other forums if I mention this they automatically label me as an idiot and flood me with sentences like "masturbation is completely normal" or "there is nothing wrong with porn". They are like little sheep that believe everything they are told and follow the rest of the herd.

Face to face I can't tell anyone about this because it is too embarrassing for me, I don't have a therapist so I always have to go at it alone.

I've been at lower points in life because I have allowed myself too, right now it's a pretty low point in life and I have been down this road many many times before and I'm sick of it. This is probably the point that makes the difference in my life.

now or never you know, there is no tomorrow or next time for me because I will only end up the same.

Yesterday I was able to resist and I will follow wamu's steps and try to resist the next 10 minutes and then the next 1 hour and so on.

[tac]

breakingdachains, I'm only about a week since I felt the same way you do, so I'm not going to give advice. I think there are many others here that have a long track record of recovery to do that. But I will say this. Wamu, and others are right. You can do it. You can change. We all can. Yes, it is and will be difficult but I know that it can be done because I have read many testimonies on this board of those who have done it. I hope to be one of those one year from now, who can say that I have not slipped all year. I believe that I can do that, and I plan to do it. You can too. Again, the only advice that i will give, is to read all of the advice that is on this message board from those who have learned the discipline that you and I both seek. Don't give up, hang in there. tac

[zerotolerance]

P robs you of your self esteem, making men weak and embarassed around women, imo.
It grows soul holes, and I think those are what make real communication practically impossible with women/objects. The objective is to get your heart/mind/body & soul all functioning on the same page, at the same time, ALL the time. Your mind, and body, is running amok sometimes, and your heart and soul are hurting because of it. P is something you shove into your soul hole, as a temp fix to ward off thinking about the depressing state of your life. But the problem is that just grows bigger soul holes and more to be depressed about. And then you need more p or stuff to shove into the holes. Cycle repeats. A far better approach is to fix the holes from the inside out. Fill yourself up with the truth about p, and make a choice to not use it for those reasons. YOU are in control of your heart/mind/body/and soul. But you're letting parts control you instead, at times. Take ALL your control back. You've put soo much garbage in, that all you get back is garbage. So you need to put in a LOT of good info to counteract that, and to start turning yourself back around. Guard your thoughts, they are the gateway that allows p back in. Reprogram you body, but not feeding it more p/mb. You won't ever be able to fix yourself if you keep engaging the behaviors that created these soul hole problems to begin with. No amounts of wrong ever made anything right. We don't get to understand all the hows and whys until we first choose not to use. Just keep going forward, the fog in your head will clear eventually. Feed it some light. Feed it the truth. Don't lie to yourself anymore. And don't listen to those "friends" who promote it. They don't know what they are talking about. Your heart/mind/body/and soul knows what it's done to you, that's all the validation you need. The question now is what are you going to do about it? And how are you going to go about doing that?

[thepride724]

breakingdachains,

I'm sure everyone on this board wants to stop (would we be on this board if they didn't?), but for some reason goes right back to doing it. And as far as feeling good after a week and then falling back into that dark hole, I totally feel you on that one.

I think what we have to do is evaluate how we feel in that moment when we feel like looking at porn. For me, at least recently, I have felt lonely and disappointed. Being a single man on dating websites, I get that feeling of wanting to be with someone and the sense of satisfaction escalates. Before I know it I'm doing something I am not supposed to do.

I do desire a healthy relationship with a woman. I'm not looking for a "sex toy," just a regular relationship. The thing for me lately was to just be satisfied with what you have and not get obsessed with the desire to have someone, because that is idolatry in and of itself.

Let's just take it one day at a time and see how we can go from there. Set a reachable goal as far as going without porn. If the longest you've gone is 7 days, then shoot for a goal of ten.

Hope my two cents helps.

[robert10]

"my goal is too stop looking at porn even though it's going to be present, even if i turn off my direct tv, I'll only be avoiding one obstacle and I will eventually find a new way to view porn.

I want to porn to be non effective for me."

I think you have to realize that might only be possible after years and years of serious recovery. It's like an alcoholic saying "I want to quit drinking forever but I'm still going to hang out at bars with friends" Yes it's possible you may one day be able to have the discipline to resist strong temptations, but why are you putting yourself at risk now when as an recovering addict you're very weak? Now is the time to throw all temptation away so that you can get some recovery time under your belt. You need to get out and away from the computer, you need to install covenant eyes on your pc, you need to lock the tempting channels on your direct tv and make sure a good friend enters the password and you don't know it.

If you're trying to "take it like a man" and "wrestle" with temptation you're going to lose. Take it from me, I only started seriously recovering when I realized how absolutely weak I am. Porn is, and may be for a very long time, a very serious temptation for me and as a result I have to treat it like it's my Achilles heel and protect myself in all ways possible to really give myself a fighting chance. Maybe you'll still find other ways to watch it, but when you do you'll slip and then come back even stronger with the knowledge of how to prevent yourself from slipping like that again.

It's such a struggle, but I guess everyone has a cross to bear.