question about lust

[tac]

I have a question for those who have been in long periods of sobriety. I hope this is not inappropriate, but I don't know where else to ask something like this. It would be helpful to me, and maybe others to hear some discussion about it.

I have noticed that after MB and binges of P and MB, that later the next day, and days to follow, everywhere I go, every beautiful woman I see, my eyes seem to be lusting. I am talking about unintentional, not deliberate looking. If fact, for me, I try not to. But I just can't help it. It is like you can't turn off the "searching eyes in your mind" that you only recently were using. As I get further away from the sin, and try to repent and turn back to God, it gets some better, but it never goes away. Sometimes I sense that women can "feel the lust" even though my eyes are not intentionally looking at them in any way. For example at church, someone sitting next to me with a short skirt, or talking to me face to face with a low top. I do not look directly, but I cannot help seeing out of the corner of my eye, and feel like they know I am being tempted. I hate it. It makes me wonder if there is some evil spirit that I've given permission to follow me because of my P and MB and will not go away. I want to completely shut it off, but I can't.

Here's my question. Have others experienced this or is it just me? And, most importantly, does it go away when there is complete recovery. If so, how long does it take? Or, is it just a consequence of the addiction that I must live with and deal with the rest of my lives. Any discussion would be very helpful to me. Tom

[amaninfull]

Hi, Tom

Yes, this is certainly something I've experienced and I've seen a number of others here relate a similar experience. I'd say it's common.

I have been sober now for about five months, and I have experienced a lessening of this effect. I believe that it would eventually go away altogether if I made a more conscious effort to let it go.

I think you'll be free of it someday, if you want it badly enough.

AMIF

[zerotolerance]

Some girls are oblivious to the awareness you describe, but some of us feel it with every fiber of our being. I know it when I see it. It's the p gaze, the p haze, the p fog. It's a demon alright. It's the automatic habit of searching and looking, searching and looking. It's out of the p, and into you everyday life. Yeah, most of us know it. Some women use that awareness against men, so are just doing what we're taught, and some are oblivious, and some of us hurt because of it. You've trained yourself to go on search missions. I would think you have to not even so much as allow the lies, or thoughts of looking, into your concious mind. And when they come intrusively, you need to tell that demon to go away because you know better now, and you aren't interested in his stupid suggestions, and your retraining your body not to react in those p induced ways anymore. Tell him in the name of Jesus, to leave you alone, and keep telling him, until he doesn't come back so quickly anymore, if ever. Make another choice, and honor it.

[wamu]

Hey man it's great to be spiritual but not over spiritual. some peeps think they fat b/c they have a big fat demon but maybe it's just b/c they need to cut down on cupcakes...no demon involved. look bro you are a healthy young man, guess what....we are wired to like and love women...God made us that way. if i walked around w/one testicle hanging out every woman in the world would be tempted almost beyond control to look. now you got women walking around w/they stuff hanging out and i bet even your pastor is tempted to look. if a lady is walking around with indecent or tempting clothing it don't matter if you haven't ever seen porn in your entire life....you going to be tempted to look. i don't believe it's a demon or the auto habit of searching and looking...it's not like u out there w/a magnifying glass trying to uncover some mystery...today the way women dress there aint no mystery to uncover...it's in your freaking face. Maybe u have trained yourself to go on search missions...but i seriously doubt it...maybe that's just your dang instinct. look man i like fruit roll ups, especially the strawberry kind, i could eat those things all day, i like to wrap them around my finger and eat them and i also like to ball them up and throw the whole thing in my mouth and eat them. i didn't have to train myself to like them i just do like them i'm hard wired to like and want to eat stuff that tastes really freaking good. and i make enough $$ to where i could literally drown myself in strawberry fruit rollups. but i have learned to control this impulse & to choose to deal w/it in a constructive manner. now i know some peeps who want to blame everything on a demon, but sometimes that is just an excuse, to take the blame off of ourselves. Jesus said in this life u will have trouble but do not worry for i have overcome the world. look man it really sux that we are hard wired to feel a certain way about women....but i wouldn't have it any other way cuz i really like those buggers. now if i can discipline myself and learn to delay gratification so that when the time is right and i am ready i can experience the whole thing in the manner for which it was intended...then that will be awesome. u said it yourself bro the whole thing is unintentional...so now intentionally seek to control the natural urges that u r experiencing. there is probably no demon involved....demons don't make us fat, demons don't make us sex addicts, demons don't make us get speeding tickets. put down the cupcakes, log off, and take your foot off the gas...God in his infinite wisdom has given us the burden of choice. Now if u want to debate choice and predestination that may be better played out on another website. But don't believe i'm unspiritual or what have u, it's just that i don't believe in this particular instance there is a demon forcing u to look at beautiful women who are dressed in an attractive manner...that's just crazy!

NOw i'll even make it more personal. I got nothing to do right now. the gym is closed, my buddy is visiting his grandmother, i'm done w/work and school is out until next month. usually i would log on and be knee deep in porn right about now. not b/c of some demon forcing me to do it, but b/c I'M too dang weak to resist the minor temptation or too weak to deal w/something so easily cured as boredom and take responsibility for MY own legitimate pain and legitimate urge for sexual gratification...how convenient it would be to say look i was helpless in the matter, i had to log on and spend the next 6 hrs mb...the devil made me do it...hey that's bull crap. it's a legitimate and natural urge now I need to be a man and deal w/it. I think i'll read a freaking book.

[tac]

Thanks wamu for your response. I can see your point, and must admit that we can over spiritualize things and blame something on the devil when we just make a wrong choice. I do agree with you on that. But at the same time, I differ with you on the demonic participation in pornography. I just believe that there are in fact demons in the spiritual realm, and we can do things, and participate in certain behavior that invites demonic activity around us. We can't see them, but we can see and feel the effects. At least, I believe that I can. I also feel the absence of them when I abstain from sinful sexual lust, and seek repentance from God. Looking is one thing, But lusting from those images we have looked at is entirely different. When we do that, we open up a door for demonic activity. Yes, it is natural to have sexual feelings when we see beautiful women, especially those who dress in a provocative way. But it is not natural to have the uncontrollable lusting eyes that the women can feel even when you are not looking directly at them. This is a symptom, I believe, of demonic activity. And either way, being natural, doesn't mean it is right, and it doesn't meant it healthy, and it could mean that we are not alone in our actions. I just want to change my thoughts and beliefs so that my actions do not invite an evil presence. And, I want to eliminate any possible participation from demonic activity. I also think this is what the Bible is talking about in...

Eph 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Again, I'm only expressing my opinions, and I admit that I am a very religious person, and if you are not, then you will most likely see things differently. So you may feel entirely different, and that's ok, but some of us religious people see things from a different perspective. Either way, I think we both agree that having lustful thoughts about women that lead to p and MB are thoughts we do not want, regardless of their source.

Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Tac