new member--introduction

[david42]

Hello--just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 42 year old male. Although I read pornographic magazines when quite young, I mostly grew out of that until the Internet age. My current porn addiction really began with the Internet age. The details may be triggering so I will tag them to be safe as follows:

[trigger]Up to early 1999, when I was 33 years old, I had not really been interested in Internet porn. This changed when a female friend, Lisa, who was 28 years old went back to school to pursue an MBA with a specialty in technology. This was in the peak of the dot-com era. Lisa had been a former coworker and an extremely intelligent and attractive woman.

At one point I did a web search on Lisa's phone number, looking to find her website--a regular, non-porn, website or so I thought. I was very surprised to find a soft core website run by Lisa which clearly contained nude photos of Lisa and other women to which I was invited to subscribe for $10 or so. Until I found this site by accident, I had not been aware of Lisa's involvement in porn nor had I ever participated in online porn myself.

It appeared that one of Lisa's projects in her MBA program had been to build a prototype e-commerce site, and Lisa decided, with the approval of her professors, to do a soft core site in which she herself posed nude.

I had mixed feelings on seeing this. On the one hand I had considerable admiration for Lisa's apparent courage in posing nude; but on the other hand I was saddened that this was where she seemed inspired to devote her considerable talents. It is important to remember that Lisa was only a platonic friend and not someone I had any romantic interest in.

In seeing Lisa's site, however, I noticed my penis was becoming very hard. I realized that I wanted to see Lisa nude and I found myself reaching for my credit card. With my penis harder than it had ever been before, I subscribed to Lisa's site and saw her nude, masturbating to her photos. I then emailed Lisa and congratulated her on doing the site.

This was really the beginning of my online porn addiction. Although I have subsequently subscribed to many sites, I do not think I would have gotten started had it not been for Lisa's site. That gave it a sense of "normalcy" since I knew Lisa and knew it was for a "legitimate" MBA project which has caused me to continue to subscribe to such sites.
[/trigger]

Yet for all that it may be "normal" it is also very expensive. I have spent far too much money on such sites and also far too much time. And, in the end, it doesn't really make me feel very good--so I'm trying at long last to stop utilizing such sites. My addiction to porn these days seems limited to its online form--magazines and movies no longer seem to interest me.

Anyways just wanted to introduce myself at this time.

[kyle]

David42,

To start things off I want to say this. Like all my other initial posts, the words here are completely heartfelt. I have written several to new folks and I have the same intent behind each of them, but it is sometimes hard for me to get the words right. I have made this one that I send to the newcomers and want you to know that I mean everything written. I think John has a similar thing and I agree with him that These are sincere words to you and each new person here.

I first want to welcome you to the first day of your new life. I, and many others, will tell you that you have taken a HUGE first step in your goal of recovery. You have opened yourself up and allowed others to see and for many, that is the Hardest part of all. Truly admitting that you have a problem is big in starting your recovery.

I am glad that you have chosen to seek out help. I waited much too long, 20+ years, and it nearly destroyed my family. Congratulations on seeing this as a problem and taking the appropriate steps to break free.

As for me, I follow God. I know others here do not have the same beliefs as I, and they will be sharing with you as well. I follow my faith very closely now and have grown a lot because of that. I have begun a free on line course at www.settingcaptivesfree.com called the way of purity. This is a biblically based course that I have found extremely helpful with my recovery. there are several of us on this forum who I have seen are committed to this course and have been helped by it.

Secondly, there are several book that are very good reading and have excellent advise to follow. I am currently reading The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott . I have a couple more waiting in the wings to read; Facing your Giants by Max Lucado and a couple that are also marriage related. The seven principles for making Marriage work by John Gottman and The war Within by Robert Daniel. I have found these very helpful so far and look forward to picking up th next book to continue in the right direction.

Third I would suggest coming here often. I come here daily and read what others are going through and it helps me to see where I was, where I am and most importantly, where I am going. Focus is a key and maintaining that focus will carry me through.

Again I welcome you and wish you great successes in your recovery from this horrible sin that has plagued our lives.

God bless you and yours. Keep the faith my Brother,

[breakingfree]

David,

Welcome to the board.Your story is all too familiar to most of us in our 40's and 50's. With the growth of the INTERNET, my P use went from occasional, to out of control.

You will find the forum a sound foundation for any recovery plan. Be active in your recovery, post, ask questions, start a daily journal.

Thanks for joining us in the walk down recovery road.

bf

BTW, I DON'T read the stuff under the triggers ( I AM FRICKIN ADCICT, I SHOULD STILL BE TURNING ROCKS OVER TO SEE WHAT IS UNDERNEATH? I DONT THINK SO).

[deliverance]

explain to me how god could create men with penises and the human brain and give the gift of imagination and not expect us to become victims of all that. he must have known where it would lead. if some of us weak ones are damned he just doesnt care. christ gave us the lords prayer where we ask not to be lead into temptation, well god wont even answer jesus's prayers. i love porn. i hate god.

[nrobinson]

deliverance said:

explain to me how god could create men with penises and the human brain and give the gift of imagination and not expect us to become victims of all that. he must have known where it would lead. if some of us weak ones are damned he just doesnt care. christ gave us the lords prayer where we ask not to be lead into temptation, well god wont even answer jesus's prayers. i love porn. i hate god.

God gave us the equipment that we have and the ability to resist porn, we just didn't. He does care; he gave us Christ to atone for our weaknesses. But we can't abuse his gift. Excuse me: we rational people try not to abuse his gift and slip on occasion. You seem like a heathen and you'll face judgement for it later.

[addict70]

deliverance said:

explain to me how god could create men with penises and the human brain and give the gift of imagination and not expect us to become victims of all that. he must have known where it would lead. if some of us weak ones are damned he just doesnt care. christ gave us the lords prayer where we ask not to be lead into temptation, well god wont even answer jesus's prayers. i love porn. i hate god.

You use the word "victim" "weak" and "damned" to describe a P addict. Then turn around and say you love P? Do you really?

Who's all this anger directed against? God or yourself?

[jamie86]

Hi all im also new, try and keep this quick. 21yo male. not quite sure if this is the right place but seems the most appropriate place ive found. I wouldnt say i am totally addicted to p tho i have looked at almost everyday for years. i would like to stop using p and have tried in the past tho failed. my problem is i think p has messed with my head. i feel that it has to an extent made me somewhat almost perverted and sadistic in a way. dont want to go into great detail right now but maybe ill post again soon if i feel i can tell you more. p is dangerous.

[kyle]

deliverance said:

explain to me how god could create men with penises and the human brain and give the gift of imagination and not expect us to become victims of all that. he must have known where it would lead. if some of us weak ones are damned he just doesn't care. Christ gave us the lords prayer where we ask not to be lead into temptation, well god wont even answer Jess's prayers. i love porn. i hate god.

Since you are obviously pointing this toward me then I will answer. As someone already stated, God gave us the ability to make choices and I would venture to say that 99.999999% of us on this board believe it is wrong. We believe its wrong because it has ruined our lives and many relationships along the way. Whether or not you believe in God is irrelevant to as to whether it is wrong. I am a Christan who screwed up royally and allowed my choices to come pretty close to ruining my life and I now look toward God to help me through this. That is my choice and mine alone to make.

I suspect you are nothing more than a troll looking to start a issue that will not be started. Seeing as you have only made 1 post and state that "You love Porn, and you hate God". I suggest that you re-read the name of this board and then take your remarks elsewhere. We are here to rid our lives of Porn and the damage it does cause, not revel in it.

And now to get this back on track with the original poster. Continue to come here and read often. There are people here who do care and are willing to help you in any way they can. There is a lot of information here to digest so take your time and see where others have been and where they are at now.

God bless you and yours,