R U glad to be PA

[shogun]

hi guys,

I just wanted to share a thought.

I heard a recovering SA "25 years sober" saying once that "I thank God for making me a PA, because it made me the grateful man that I am today!!"

what's your interpretation of this statement?

I personally don't appreciate being one, because it destroyed me in every aspect of life! I envy non PA people, because they seem to be doing well with their lives!

[breakingfree]

IMHO, at this stage in my recovery (very early) I think he take his opinion and put in where the sun dont shine.

bf

[iwanttoquit]

I will be 25 years sober at one stage, and right now I can't imagine myself ever being grateful for being a PA.

I'd be grateful about ceasing to be a PA.

[nrobinson]

I see where the logic in the statement is. Since my recovery has begun, it has been pointed out to me how much I take things for granted (my job, my family, my wife, etc.) Aside for kicking my P addiction, I'm trying to learn to praise God for the gifts I've been given and not be so self-serving.

[Healing Rain]

I can see the wisdom in his statement.

There's no point in wishing for the impossible... not being a Pa... So why not take what life has handed you and find the positive?

What lessons have you learned from being a PA, that you probably... most likely... would not have learned otherwise?

I know there are alot of lessons I've learned about myself, life, love, understanding, and so much more through this walk, that I would not have learned if I had not loved a PA.

~Rain~

[facingit]

I think God uses tests to strengthen us. I think He allows us to have faults so we don't become too prideful. I think he allows us to experience our own weakness so we become aware of our need for Him. Also, I have found that admitting my addiction has made me more compassionate and less judgemental (sometimes). I can seen the wisdom in that statement. It sort of reminds me of a quote I like, although I don't know why -

"A young man who has not yet learned to cry is a savage; and old man who has not learned to laugh is a fool."

PA has kind of "taught me to cry" in a sense.

[ethanm]

Its like thinking, "I miss the old carefree me.."

...But that guy was a terrible lover, could not "preform", spent hours searching, nearly lost a job from P at work, shirked responsibility, couldn't balance a checkbook, I mean, I didn't like the "package deal" I once was when I could self-medicate all my problems away.

I'm not glad to be a PA, but I'm glad I could find my problem, thankful and humble for the strength in me to cope with it and change, and forever grateful to recovery.

[mo4wo1]

Not a PA... but as a SA, without a doubt...

NO!

I get the point that man was probably making about himself. Maybe that he realizes this was his path he had to take to get to where he is now, that maybe he believes there would be no other path that could have done this for him or had.

But for me, I don't see my SA as what helped me to get where I am now. I would love to be able to honestly say I don't have the history I have. It shames me. It disgusts me. It's an old reminder of a pathetic reflection of a former form of myself.

But my breaking free from it, my learning despite it, I am glad for that. And those lessons, however misguided my original reason for stopping were, are ones I still value & appreciate.

[breakingfree]

I guess I should clarify my position, although it doesn't change my response.

I am a PA in 25 year relationship with three kids. Whatever learning I did was at the expense of my wife and children. I can't see any position where the hurt I inflicted on them is going to be offset by me learning things about myself. IMO, that is tantamount to saying my life experience is more valuable than my family's well being. This is actually exactly what I did, ALWAYS PUT MYSELF FIRST AND MY WIFE AND FAMILY SECOND. Did I learn from this? Yes.

I don't think I am going to ask Mrs. BF if she feels there is equity in her 15 years of pain as a sacrifice for me learning I was an a****le.(The garage is very cold today).


bf

[mo4wo1]

BF,

Well said & thank you.

[manic]

The statement above is incorrect because it wasn't God who made this guy a PA, that was all his own doing. I am grateful to God (and to this board) for turning my life around and showing me a better way to live. But that doesn't mean that I have any positive appreciation for being a recovering PA - I just accept it as fact of life.

[mo4wo1]

Awe! Excelent point!

[gimmeshelter]

I think all growth comes from humility and reminds us of the dangers of pride. How proud do we feel now? Not very. Being put in your place in life allows you to be more human.

[addict70]

shogun said:

hi guys,

I just wanted to share a thought.

I heard a recovering SA "25 years sober" saying once that "I thank God for making me a PA, because it made me the grateful man that I am today!!"

what's your interpretation of this statement?

Gee lets see, hmm I'm smoking like a chimney, I have to spend practically every waking moment thinking about not thinking about P, I'm terrified of relapse, I'd pretty much be considered a deviant by most people, My self esteem hangs by a thread, I'm divorced, I have E dysfunction, I hardly sleep, I'm terrified my family will find out, I have nightmares, I cant watch rock videos anymore, I've been caught and humiliated numerous times, I have to be celibate for god knows how long, almost all my online time is spent on a recovering addicts forum (though you guys do rock), and I've hardly taken any steps to realize my dreams in life. Yeah, thank god I decided to become a P addict!

I'd tell him to shove it. I think I understand he's trying to put a positive spin on something very negative, but I'd still tell him to shove it.

[chasmjumper]

I appreciate that PA has led to me making strides in gaining self-knowledge. It has been kind of a disaster, but at least it wasn't alcohol or heavy drugs.
It really made me sit down and think, "What do I want in life? Do I want this? No. So what do I really want?"