Building an intimate foundation

[johnb1aze]

Just a general question that I wanted to put out there about intimacy. I would like to start by saying that I have intimacy issues, not only with my wife but also with the people that I feel are close to me outside of my wife - my younger brother and a friend that I have known for most of my life. Today my friend W who now lives in Florida flew home for the holidays. I picked him up at the airport, but before I picked him up at the airport I had a discussion with my wife. Our discussion was about how I shut myself off from being intimate with the people who matter in my life. I have never talked to my friend W about my problem with P. I have never talked to anyone besides my wife and a counselor about my problem with P. My wife was saying that I should tell my friend W about my addiction to P and I told her that I didn't feel comfortable telling him about my addiction to P. My wife would like me to tell him since I consider him a close friend and that I need to build intimacy around the people I count on. She feels as though if I do not tell him that I am somewhat not committed to change. That because I am not intimate with my friend that I cannot sustain an intimate relationship with her. That by omitting this part of my life from my friend that I am not being intimate and not addressing a major contributor to my addiction. I am looking for guidance on intimacy. Should I break out of my comfort zone and tell my friend this secret that I haven't shared with him in all the years that I have known him? If you have a close friend have you told them of your addiction? Did you benefit from the disclosure?

[megan11]

You NEVER benifit from keeping a secret about an addiction. Secrets are what keepps the addictions going IMO. You should attempt to break out of your comfort zone for yourself. I cant see how it would hurt you. If anything you would have someone else to talk too and that could only help, IMO.
Good luck to you!

[LookingUp]

Have you and your counselor came up with a plan for you to regain intimacy in your relationships - such intimacy as reaching to those who love you for support and nurturing as you recover from your PA? Although I think your wife's advice is sound - you might want to run it by your counselor and get his/her insight on the timing, the how-to, the potential reactions to your friend's potential responses that you may have by this big step. Although it's out of your comfort zone, that doesn't mean it isn't getting close to the time to start opening your life to other's healing balm, acceptance and nurturing.

I've talked to a couple friends/relatives of my various addictions and severe family issues and have received support and caring. Often the first response was hurt: "Why didn't you tell me so I could have been there for you while you were struggling?"

LookingUp