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Post by minime on Dec 13, 2007 3:17:55 GMT -5
Well I'm not quite sure if I have an addiction, or at least I don't feel as bad about it as described on this board. I don't feel lonely or sad because of it maybe a little bad I guess. I'm soon to be a 22 year old virgin and I recently discovered a free porn site and I visit it in my free, a lot more than I'd like to. I think porn is wrong. And that it objectifies women but I guess I like it since I watch it. And I think I might MB a bit too much (I'm not sure what is a lot) but I'd rather not do it at all. I guess its because I wanted to wait until I was married so I feel a bit less pure than I wanted to.
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 13, 2007 10:12:33 GMT -5
Addiction isn't about frequency always & only. What it's doing to your life, the consequences the behavior is bringing about and your ability to stop is a bigger indicator than "frequency". Here's a list of my preferred sites for info & some books on the subject: www.sexhelp.com/www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Sex/sexual_addiction/partners.aspwww.recoverynation.com/* One note of caution about this site: It makes lots of noises & sounds when you navigate through it. www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/article.htm"Don't Call It Love" by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli * A member here with an amazing book list of her own recently recommended this. I read it several months ago but not fully. But what I did get from it was helpful & the recent recommendation of it has stirred my interest again. I found mine at my local library. You may have it available to you at yours. |
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Post by neverending on Dec 13, 2007 20:33:55 GMT -5
Minime, here is my two cents on the issue:
If you don't like doing it, but can't just stop, then you have a problem.
There are many people who don't have issues with this (some of them come here and boast), that can look or not look, but if you just keep finding yourself there looking, and then feeling guilty and "less pure,". Try it, you're young yet, it sounds more like an obsession right now that you may be able to overcome. If it is just this particular website, block access from your computer.
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 13, 2007 20:38:08 GMT -5
Try making a committment for 30 days no P, no MB and report back on how you did.
bf
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Post by clamstrip on Dec 15, 2007 14:06:13 GMT -5
I feel like minime, I am 34 y/o married for almost 13 years w/3 kids. I have looked @ porn since my mid-teens. Apparently my wife no longer likes me looking at it. We have a large difference of opinions about sex, mostly frequency. I guess I have always used it as a release. I MB more than I would like also. It just seems like I become a different person if I don't "get it". Which is the main reason for MB. By the way, she walked in on me looking @ porn while MB and we have not really talked in four days. I dunno what I am looking for here, but any help or suggestions would be great.  |
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Post by LookingUp on Dec 15, 2007 19:01:28 GMT -5
I feel like minime, I am 34 y/o married for almost 13 years w/3 kids. I have looked @ porn since my mid-teens. Apparently my wife no longer likes me looking at it. We have a large difference of opinions about sex, mostly frequency. I guess I have always used it as a release. Not sure if you mean you use sex (thus use your wife) for release or you use mb as release. Please know that people live decades all their life without a release and have high quality of life. You can't live without air, food and water or shelter - but you can have a terrific life without sex. That could be your inner addict begging for a fix. Please remember that PA is NOT about sex, it's a way the brain makes chemicals and you get addicted to the chemicals. PA may use your sex organs, but it really has more in common with heroin addiction then sex. A 6 to 8 week abstinence period (no sex, no mb and no porn) often helps a PA go through brain-chemical withdrawal and start to recognize the difference of his God-given sex drive and his need-a-fix-before-my-boy-parts-explode drive. As Benderson says, your boy parts will not explode or implode if you don't get release.... nature has a natural way of taking care of that called wet dreams. Plus a couple months sex-free may give your wife time to heal from the devestation of what she saw and start her own healing from your betrayal of the marriage vows - where you promised to forsake all other (all includes photos of others). She's still there - sounds like she's not ready to leave you for your visual adultery yet. That's probably good from your point of view. As a wife of a PA, what would I want? I'd want my husband to repent from a sincere heart and hand me a recovery plan with these as a minimum: That he'd put a filter on the computer so he couldn't view porn, that he's go to counseling and work hard at recovering, that he'd read books about PA, that he'd go to 12-Step, and that he'd never lie again - even if the truth hurt me. Truth hurts - lies kill. LookingUp |
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Post by addict70 on Dec 16, 2007 17:51:49 GMT -5
I feel like minime, I am 34 y/o married for almost 13 years w/3 kids. I have looked @ porn since my mid-teens. Apparently my wife no longer likes me looking at it. We have a large difference of opinions about sex, mostly frequency. I guess I have always used it as a release. I MB more than I would like also. It just seems like I become a different person if I don't "get it". Which is the main reason for MB. By the way, she walked in on me looking @ porn while MB and we have not really talked in four days. I dunno what I am looking for here, but any help or suggestions would be great. It's a simple question. What's more important to you, your P or your wife? Take it from a guy who's already lost his. |
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Post by broonx1 on Dec 16, 2007 21:21:17 GMT -5
Thanks looking up. Every time I vist the forum I walk away with something new to help in my fight.
I have always been faithful to my SO's all the way back even into grade school crushes. I now look at my addiction as CHEATING thanks to your catch phrase... VISUAL ADULTERY. It puts it into a whole different light. It's no longer, "I was just looking".
This thread got away from minime's topic. It sounds to me (a newbie) that the mere fact you are questioning and that you are here that you realize you do have a problem. Read around here awhile minime and I think you'll agree. Get a handle on it now before you get married, or engaged, or even start seriously dating. Being a PA and trying to have a SO will only lead to heartache.
Clamstrip, look at things this way... would you want your kids to be like you ? to feel the hurt over this that you have felt, or are feeling now ? Being here is the first step to fixing what is wrong.
Good luck to both of you.
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