Why have I bothered trying to "fix" this?

[megan11]

Well, i gave my H my list of boundaries and to be honest i didnt ask for much at all.
He must attend all his therapy appt.
Take his meds
Go to his SAA meetings
read the books
write in his feeling journal as his therapist instructed
I gave him the boundaries on Tuesday. Wed night He skipped the SAA meeting, Didnt read his books, Friday night went to work WITHOUT his books, and Now he is all about fixing his relationship with his father who he hasnt spoken too (not his fault) in over 2 years, and his brother who he hasnt spoken too in almost 14 years, again, his brother is the one who pushed H away. H says he misses having a family and will call them and open the door for them again. He has one right in front of him and he doesnt try to fix this family? He has ME who he has hurt so bad (where i have done nothing but try to understand all of this mess and fix it) and two little girls and his focus is always somewhere else.
I am tired, very tired. With all the hurtfull things and the lack of care, I wonder if he has ever cared about me at all. I dont think i will be able to hang on after this one. How many times will i have dirt kicked in my face?
Not to mention i helped him make his choice and was understanding once again, and helped him through with this, i am left feeling worthless. He doesnt know and i dont care to explain it again to him. I have told him a million times that he needs to do what he can do for himself to help me but me and the kids are never enough for him to think about.
I guess he wants them now because he knows hes about to lose us. Instead of TRYING to fight for us, he just gives us up.

[breakingfree]

Megan,

Some feedback from the "other side". HE has to work his recovery. Don't try and work it for him. You can't and it won't work. Are your bondaries, really boundaries?
Cammy started a thread last week about SO's and what part do they play in my recovery plan? IMO,none, especially in the first 90 days My wife have NO part in my plan. I can't have her accountable for my recovery-she has already given enough. Mrs. BF sets boundaries that I respect and the rest iis up to me.

We are actively working on rebuilding and renewing our relationship and intimacy, but I consider this to be an outgrowth, an extension of my recovery. If my recovery fails, our relationship will fall apart again. I HAVE to put my recovery first.

IMO, examine your role with your husband's recovery.

An enabler, is a person who by their actions make it easier for an addict to continue their self-destructive behavior by criticizing or rescuing

(my emphasis).

He drilled the holes in the ship of your relationship. Let HIM fix it, don't bail the water out for him

bf

[megan11]

Thanks BF, If only he felt the same as you. I appreciate your post.

[megan11]

Can this post be deleted please.
It doesnt apply to me anymore.
Thank you, Megan11

[tiger1m]

I understand now. Explanation on partner board. Addicts should not go there unless they can be respectful. I find value in this thread. This is what we addicts risk for our behaviors and unwillingness to work recovery.

lightwave.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=Partners&action=display&thread=1197314223&page=1

locked to avoid confusion.

tiger