Discussion of Triggers

[facingit]

So, I would like to start a discussion about triggers and how to avoid them. One thing I have found, as I have said in a couple of threads, is that I need to be REALLY careful when watching TV! MTV and VH1 (which used to be my two favorite channels) are completely out. Besides that, there are a slew of programs from most sit-coms to pro-wrestling to E! that can trigger lustful thoughts for me.

The way I have learned to become more sensitive to the content of my thoughts is something I took from Wes's e-book. I imagine my life as three concentric circles. The outside ring is where I am functioning normally and happily without lustful thoughts interfering. The inside (bull's eye) is when I am in the midst of a P binge. What is really important for me is to be aware of that middle ring where a lustful thought interupts my ordinary functioning and tempts me to indulge further in it. I find that if I make a good faith effort to not indulge in lustful thoughts in this "grey area" the voice of the P beast is significently weakened when I am in a vulnerable situation (say alone on a computer like I am now). However, if I don't pour cold water on those lustful thoughts in the middle ground they smolder and when I get in a vulnerable situation the temptation to act out is 1,000 more intense.

What have you found to be triggering stimuli and vulnerable situations and what is your plan for dealing with them?

[sandpaper]

Hi FI,

Thanks for the post. It raises an important topic.

I would say that, for me, the triggers fall into two basic categories. The first category involves the visual experiences I have during the day; that is, the things I see around me, either intentionally or unintentionally. So, this includes people on the street, pictures I encounter on billboards, on the front cover of magazines at a newsstand, images on TV or in a movie, etc. Any of these things may contain the potential to be a trigger. But, in general, most of that potential is never realized, for I do my best to actively avoid those visual experiences that pose a serious triggering risk (e.g., P movies or images, strip clubs, etc.), and most of what is thrust upon me is not sufficiently strong to provoke a triggering response.

The second category is more complex and delicate, as it does not involve specific and tangible triggering events. Rather, it involves situational factors, such as the prevailing stressors in my life, my sense of physical or emotional well being, and my attitude toward myself, others, and the world. These factors can drastically increase or decrease the possibility that I will act out or consider acting out, regardless of whether I happen to encounter something that would traditionally trigger the addictive behavior.

For instance, if I'm feeling sad, depressed, angry, or irritated to any degree of significance, I tend to withdraw from others and isolate myself. This sense of isolation usually heightens whatever negative feelings I'm having at the time. I have traditionally had a tendency to act out under such circumstances, simply because, if I let the negative thoughts run their course, I eventually reach a point where life seems worthless and I figure: if I'm going to miserable anyway, I might as well have some fun along the way. As you might imagine, the key for me in such situations is to take immediate and aggressive action to break the cycle of negative thinking. I usually do this with some form of rigorous physical activity, such as going for a long, hard run.

On the flip side of the coin, if I'm feeling content, balanced, and satisfied -- or at least neutral about things -- I am usually well positioned to stay above the fray. I try my best to take full advantage of these times, not only by using the strength to stay clean, but also by taking some time to consider why I feel the way I do. Just as it's useful to consider the factors that may have brought on a depressive episode to learn how to avert such experiences in the future, it is useful to consider the factors that may have influenced a period of calm and contentedness so as to increase the frequency of those experiences. At bottom, I think one's attitude shapes the bulk of the recovery experience (as well as most other experiences). And the more positive it is, the more successful the process will be.

Thanks again for the post.

Sandpaper

[addict70]

I'm not even 24 hours clean yet so I wont pretend to know how to deal with my triggers, but I can say what they are. Just being bored and lonely mainly. I dont find that seeing something on TV or in a magazine triggers me to use P, but then again I've dulled myself so much it takes alot more than just a pretty girl to get my blood pumping.

[billbuckner]

sandpaper is right about triggers. And for me, after the trigger comes the justification. It's quiet at first.

"I'll only look for a minute"

or

"Just curious"

And then it will get louder and louder as I get more and more hooked.

"This is the last time."

or

"You deserve this/need this"

See, triggers are often unavoidable. They're on the street, in pop-up ads, everywhere.
But the justifications are not only avoidable, but also very flawed.

Last time? Where have I heard that before. Just a peek? It's never just a peek.

When I can realize these justifications for what they are (lies), then it's a lot easier to walk away.

[chad32]

For me the main triggers are:

1. Being on the computer when my wife is either:
a. Out of the house
b. In the bath
c. Asleep in bed because I am going to sleep in the lounge after we've fallen out!
2. Going into a shop and looking at the covers of the mens magazines on the top shelf.
3. Going into a newsagents and seeing the newspapers which have a front cover of a woman without many clothes. I don't generally find these cheap pictures attractive, but it makes me think of other pictures.
4. Having a nice hot shower, and thinking about MB and images of P which are ingrained in my mind.

I don't really suffer from the other kind of emotional triggers - maybe it's just not my thing.

I guess the main thing was that I thought that P was fun and wanted to look at it at every opportunity. How wrong I was - P is vindictive and destructive to my mind, and I want to flee from everything that triggers it.

Keep fighting the triggers...

Chad

[facingit]

Hey guys - thank you for the responses. Sandpaper brought up a really interesting point that I think is true and important - whatever your triggers are it is your emotional state that determines how suseptable you will be to them. It think for all PA's feeling "bad" in one way or another makes us much more vulnerable to our triggers, because after all, P is our drug - we use it to escape and feel high. Conversely, I also feel that when I am feeling good about something I will be tempted to use P to celebrate, once again, just like drug use. However, these temptations are generally not as dire.

Chad, I bet if you start paying attention to it you may find that your emotional states have more to do with whether or not you act out than you think...

Bill, you are so right about those lines - I've said them all a thousand times. Another one I use all the time - especially if I have been being "good" for awhile is, "Just a few erotic pictures... just some artful nudes... the human body is beautiful..." and the next think I know there is nothing even remotely "artful" about the images I am searching out and using to get myself high.