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Post by dante376 on Dec 7, 2007 13:25:16 GMT -5
I apologize in advance if this question has already been raised or even answered. Does anybodies addiction hurt their relationship? It seems that I get along better with my s/o whenever I'm on vacation with her and away from the house. I've been trying to quit for a while now, but I always seem to end up right back where I started.
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Post by mo4wo1 on Dec 7, 2007 14:37:24 GMT -5
Hello & welcome. Is this addiction hurtful to relationships? Absolutely! It's devastating & a killer. Do you a/o (act out) primarily at home? Maybe that's why you two get along better when away. Here's a list of my preferred sites for info & some books on the subject: www.sexhelp.com/www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Sex/sexual_addiction/partners.aspwww.recoverynation.com/* One note of caution about this site: It makes lots of noises & sounds when you navigate through it. www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/article.htm"Don't Call It Love" by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli * A member here with an amazing book list of her own recently recommended this. I read it several months ago but not fully. But what I did get from it was helpful & the recent recommendation of it has stirred my interest again. I found mine at my local library. You may have it available to you at yours. Best wishes, Mo
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Post by dante376 on Dec 9, 2007 2:18:22 GMT -5
Thanks for all the reads Mo. I haven't checked my library yet, but everything else I've read has been interesting. Anyways, thanks again for answering my question.
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Post by BlackSpiral on Dec 9, 2007 3:25:52 GMT -5
I'd chime in on this myself, just to say that yes, it can be devastatingly damaging to relationships. Here alone, I've seen a good number of relationships either badly damaged or ruined beyond repair by this addiction; any addiction can break a relationship or a family, but this one comes with unique baggage that can make it one of the worst with regard to a relationship's health while it is present.
On the up side, there are also those - myself included - who have overcome the addiction and gone on to have their relationships recover, often to become much more than they had been before. So if you're willing to do the work, and if you want to make your relationship better, then it's all open to you to accomplish.
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Post by hugs4u002 on Dec 9, 2007 17:39:44 GMT -5
I was going to just read the latest posts today and ended up having to log in so I could reply to your question.......but first I'd like to say welcome and I appreciate that you have identified at least the possibility of this affecting your relationship. This question infuriates me (not you, the question) as the pain I have felt from the affects of this have almost completely destroyed my relationship with a man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.. I so completely adored and cherished him. I felt so very fortunate to find someone I loved being with in so many ways . We had known each other 3 years when this broke loose and we had never fought about anything, well, before this..... Now a year later I am looking at the 'real' situation and faced with a man I don't recognize. My life as I knew it destroyed and facing very hard decisions I never thought I would have to make. Although our situation is different from yours I will share with you some of the ways this has all but completely torn us apart (he feels no differently toward me, it is I who feels completely different toward him) I thought this catholic school boy was completely honest, then I found out the truth.....he is able to look me in the eye and lie. I thought this man respected women he opens doors for me, pulls out the chair for me to sit at the table, puts my coat on, I thought he was a gentle man. But then I found out he is participates daily in a world where women are hurt and degraded in the most god awful ways. How can you love and respect women AND participate in this ? It is completely contradictory...but that women isn't your sister, daughter, wife so it doesn't matter... would the real man please step up...I am confused who he really is. He made all kinds of excuses for our painfully sparse sexual intimacy.........stress, age, smoking but all the while able to have erections daily.... If you are able......... read the partner's forum, read the raw emotion from s/os dealing with this in their relationship. I feel like ranting on but I will stop, I think you will find excuses or you will see the truth.......good luck
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Post by breakingfree on Dec 9, 2007 18:17:26 GMT -5
Dante,
Welcome to the board. Please come back and use this forum a resource for your recovery and hopefully to rebuild your relationship.
Let me rephrase your question, "Does P DESTROY a relationship. Absolutely. If it is an established relationship, it can destroy it. If it is an new relationship it will NEVER develop.
IMO, the word P and relationship in the same sentence is a contradiction. You can have P OR you can have a relationship.
Hugs of all the really bad behavior of my addiction that I regret with all my heart I think this is the worst . I have been married a long time and Mrs. BF almost always knew when I was lying, but the fact that I did it, to the mother of my children, the person with whom I have spent almost half my life, serves as a daily reminder that I can never go back to P, denial and lying again. WE both made vows, she kept hers I didn't. I will NOT BREAK them again.
bf
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