Post by raisinbran on Dec 7, 2007 13:35:43 GMT -5
It seems like he very surprised that, although you used to always approve and sometimes participate in the porning, you now show him your tacit disapproval of it, now that it seems to have gotten worse.
Indeed, his reaction shows that, at the very least, he wants you to ignore this habit and continue to accept it and be happy. Of course, the nature of what he does can never make that possible, namely googling specific girls just to get off.
Your view of "that's what real guys do" is, unfortunately, true if you replace "real" with "many", or possibly even "most". And that's not a surprise given the blatant mass promotion of sex and instant-gratification that seems to be in nearly all of advertisement, media, and attitudes. Porn can be compared to smoking. Smoking was, and continues to be, prevalent. That doesn't mean that it is a natural thing and that "all guys (or girls) do it". Likewise, porn, although it involves a natural human function (sex) doesn't make it something that "all guys do". The truth is, and you can attest to it in your experience that, just like smoking, it is self-destructive, hurtful, and all around just disgusting.
Smoking is not the issue here, so if either of you smoke already, I'm not attacking that; I'm just making a point. Unfortunately, there are many views, like this one you mentioned, that are mass-promoted and generally accepted. When you think about it, addiction, when left unchecked, forces one to adopt certain attitudes that are completely in favor of their addiction but overtly work against the most noble of values, like good relationships. So don't feel bad that your mate lashes out when you bring up the addiction. It is the expected reaction if he does have a problem.
Apparently, he likes porn enough to defend it by attacking you.
[Edited to add]: I am also impressed that you were able to keep your composure when you did confront your mate! It can be a very touchy subject, and like lookingup mentioned in another thread, most PAs will react without composure. But you did the right thing by keeping yours, and it did make a difference because even your mate pointed out (and was probably amazed) that you were calm.
RB
Indeed, his reaction shows that, at the very least, he wants you to ignore this habit and continue to accept it and be happy. Of course, the nature of what he does can never make that possible, namely googling specific girls just to get off.
I always used to when I thought it was occasional, like I said the other day, I used to think it was cool that he checked it out, cause thats what real guys do
Your view of "that's what real guys do" is, unfortunately, true if you replace "real" with "many", or possibly even "most". And that's not a surprise given the blatant mass promotion of sex and instant-gratification that seems to be in nearly all of advertisement, media, and attitudes. Porn can be compared to smoking. Smoking was, and continues to be, prevalent. That doesn't mean that it is a natural thing and that "all guys (or girls) do it". Likewise, porn, although it involves a natural human function (sex) doesn't make it something that "all guys do". The truth is, and you can attest to it in your experience that, just like smoking, it is self-destructive, hurtful, and all around just disgusting.
Smoking is not the issue here, so if either of you smoke already, I'm not attacking that; I'm just making a point. Unfortunately, there are many views, like this one you mentioned, that are mass-promoted and generally accepted. When you think about it, addiction, when left unchecked, forces one to adopt certain attitudes that are completely in favor of their addiction but overtly work against the most noble of values, like good relationships. So don't feel bad that your mate lashes out when you bring up the addiction. It is the expected reaction if he does have a problem.
Apparently, he likes porn enough to defend it by attacking you.
[Edited to add]: I am also impressed that you were able to keep your composure when you did confront your mate! It can be a very touchy subject, and like lookingup mentioned in another thread, most PAs will react without composure. But you did the right thing by keeping yours, and it did make a difference because even your mate pointed out (and was probably amazed) that you were calm.
RB