Tell SO or don't tell SO

[itsmeagol]

Please give each option due consideration. I need input, please!

itsmeagol

[k2]

Well, my answer wasn't one of the choices... so I'll try to explain.

I think it is important to tell your spouse about the sexual addiction and in general what types of acting out were involved. As for specific details... not really necessary unless your partner wants to know, and asks to further discuss precisely who, what, where, when.

What I wanted to add, however, is that *when to tell your spouse* is an important consideration. There is a tendency for the recovering addict to want to tell asap, but you need to consider whether or not you are ready to deal with the potential consequences. Sometimes it really is better to wait until you reach a point in recovery where you are strong enough to be able to effectively deal with your spouse's reaction. Also, knowing that you are currently committed to the process of recovery and have been for some time, may ease the blow to your partner a bit, and should provide some reassurance once they move beyond that initial shock.

You know your partner is going to be hurt and angry and upset... basically emotionally reactive at first, and not necessarily able to think things through clearly. They are going to need time and support to sort it all out. It may help to be able to provide your partner with information regarding how to seek their own personal healing; you might want to point them towards a partner's workshop/support group, such as the one over at understandingsexualaddiction.org, for example.

Just some thoughts on the subject. It's not as simple as just saying tell, or don't tell.

K

[nasa]

Had K not said it first, I would have said exactly the same thing.

Try to get some decent sobriety behind you first, before you talk to your spouse. But you gotta tell her eventually. She deserves to know.