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Post by breakfree53 on May 28, 2007 11:40:03 GMT -5
Thanks Focused
I'll play around with the filter.
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Focused
Full Member
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it- Goethe
Posts: 149
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Post by Focused on May 31, 2007 21:44:52 GMT -5
Thanks Sawyer! I'm stoked to read about all the changes you are making to break out. It is very cool to know there are guys like you out there rooting for me also.... it does help!
Keep mining for those gold nuggets it seems like it is helping. Let's all figure out how to beat this addiction together.
For me, a busy week, so not many temptations. Nights like tonight when my wife has gone to sleep early and I'm tired with a stack of stuff to do used to be an easy trigger for me to escape for a while. At least I've found a productive "escape" with this site but I've also gotten other things done and feel like, after MANY years of struggle, I may actually have some suggestions that can help some others out.... Got a busy weekend out of town so shouldn't have too many issues in the next few days.... at least I keep telling myself that I won't.
Stay positive everyone!
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Post by sawyer on May 31, 2007 22:31:04 GMT -5
I was going to say (picture sawyer waving pom poms in the air while yelling "Yeah Home Team") but that is a little disturbing. So I will just say - keep at it man! proud of you (place manly thump on the back here)
Don't know if you have thought about it, but I just attended my first SA meeting tonight - will journal tomorrow about it at work. But what a tool to be used, and the support, wow.
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Post by gimmeshelter on Jun 2, 2007 11:48:58 GMT -5
Focused, thanks for stopping by. I read the link you posted. I'm definitely pulling for you guys, although I don't feel like I'm in much of a position to give advice-must clean my own house first. When I get to the dangerous spots again I'll probably be looking for some help on how to avoid the abyss...
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Focused
Full Member
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it- Goethe
Posts: 149
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Post by Focused on Jun 5, 2007 17:50:11 GMT -5
Thanks guys- I appreciate ya'll keeping an eye on me.... may need someone to call BS on me every now and then!
Sawyer- I read the post you had a link to about your SA experience- that took some big ones and I would think is a great step in getting you life back. I have considered getting into a local group and that will be my next step if what I'm working through now doesn't work. I feel like I've got some good momentum going and the many changes I've made in my life seem to be helping. The "White Knuckle" issue you mentioned was a good explanation to an idea I've read about on this forum but didn't really get until reading your post. It actually makes me feel a bit better that it has been very rare for me lately that it gets to that (for others- it is worth checking Sawyer's link above to his journal).... so maybe a bit of progress.
Gimmeshelter: at least on my page, don't hesitate to give advice, even if you aren't where you want to be.... I've been told I'm very good at ignoring both good and bad advice :-) In all seriousness though, I've gotten a lot out of reading what other's think, so blast away when you feel like.
Hope things are going well for all of you!
A night alone at work for me and that used to normally mean a "P break" at some point. It crossed my mind earlier but instead of falling into the fantasizing of what P I could find, I moved on to something else with a little effort. Thank God good habits can also be learned!
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Post by lemontea74 on Jun 7, 2007 11:35:50 GMT -5
Hey focused,
Thanks for leaving the comments in my journal. It is great to know there are others out there checking up on me.
I read your journal and think its great you are staying clean. I've been clean for two months but with a recent slip. Although i am not beating myself up about it. Whats done is done.
I have a councilor and even though he is a wack-job, some of what he says is helpful plus its great to be completely honest with some one without any recriminations. I have also read Sawyer's journal and his description about his first SA meeting, but it is only the first meeting thats scary, even though I don't enjoy going I'm no longer intimidated by it. My SO knows of my condition, it was pretty crap discussing it with her, but it is easier with her than without. Plus she finds the fact that I'm in therapy and seeking help fantastic. Have you considered going to a councilor and then telling your SO, that way when she goes nuclear you can tell her that you already have a recovery plan.
Anyway best of luck
Stay clean.
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Post by DoubleA on Jun 10, 2007 14:34:41 GMT -5
Yes, good habits CAN be learned as well.
A routine is not always a bad thing. A productive one can make one hell of a difference.
I'm glad to see that you are considering going to a group after reading about Sawyer's experience. I'm thinking about the same thing, but don't know how long it might be until I actually make the step.
If you do go, be sure and let us know about your experience. I would be interested.
Anyway I'm hoping that you have a productive, P free week.
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Focused
Full Member
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it- Goethe
Posts: 149
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Post by Focused on Jun 10, 2007 15:27:42 GMT -5
Thanks DoubleA and Lemontea
Things are still going well on my side- although a good busy weekend spending lots of time with my kids and wife, so easier to stay on track. Alone at work this afternoon to get some things caught up today. Not even any urges to look at any P which is unusual (this too shall pass). I feel like the things I've done and keeping up with everyone here has been the key for me and, at the moment won't be pursuing SA counseling but that will be my next step if things don't continue to go well.
Waiting for a good time to talk to my wife, we've had other issues lately and haven't been getting along well the last few days so waiting until things are going a bit more positively and will not rush. We have worked out most of our short-term issues as of last night so hopefully that will continue. I'm sure it will be a nice relief for her to know that she doesn't have to worry about me looking at P when she isn't around. I'm not planning on making a big deal of it (and am open to suggestions)... my goal is to mention to her that I'm not looking at P anymore (she saw pages I was looking at a couple times and we talked about it some but I hadn't admitted to myself at that point that I was addicted), and see how she reacts, to gauge if it is something important enough to her to really dig into or if we can just let that chapter of our lives fall behind us and move on.
Feeling great to be free of P for yet another day. Thanks to you all for the help- I couldn't have done it without you.
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Post by gimmeshelter on Jun 11, 2007 8:13:45 GMT -5
Focused, Good luck with the wife! I think her reaction will probably be proportional to how she reacted when you were caught before. My wife's reaction when I was caught was a sad frustration and concern, but no outright anger. That's about the response I got by telling her, although less on the sad and more hopeful. She now is very pleased with me, although I've been less than truthful about the slip-don't have the heart to let her down. Great to see you're doing well.
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Focused
Full Member
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it- Goethe
Posts: 149
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Post by Focused on Jun 11, 2007 8:27:56 GMT -5
Thanks Gimmeshelter- looks like we're on the same page this AM!
Working from home today and, now that I've made some progress with the P issues, I feel like I can start concentrating more on just staying focused on my work which has been a struggle and used to be the reason I'd turn to P since it was my escape and I wouldn't feel as stressed about procrastinating since I was so caught up in it.... it is nice to just get some space away from it so I can start seeing these things. My stress-level will be much lower if I can keep rolling and have a good productive day. Had a great weekend and my wife and I are back on track so will try to keep it going.
Pura Vida
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Focused
Full Member
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it- Goethe
Posts: 149
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Post by Focused on Jun 11, 2007 9:16:00 GMT -5
I just took a minute to look at my older posts to see how long it has been since I started this and it's about 45 days (I haven't been counting days after the first 10 or so) and I realized that many of the personal details I thought were in my journal are actually in other people's journals that I had posted to.... I thought many of them were here when I suggested others look at my journal and will put a couple here just FYI for others checking where I've been in my journey:
I told my friend about my addiction and he was greatly appreciative of me telling him b/c he said I'm the guy who a lot of people look at and think I've got my sh-- together. I think partly b/c I've usually tried to help others and keep my crap to myself which has given the illusion that I don't suffer the problems many of my friends have dealt with.... I've been pretty good at not letting on abut the bouts of depression I would suffer, the lack of confidence sometimes, my P addiction etc....
I've been fairly successful in business and am part owner of a decent sized company which, as I moved up the ladder to where I am, the stress increased and my tendency to procrastinate did not get much better.... this of course helped trigger the P binges. There have been a couple times after starting our business that I was almost completely unable to concentrate when I would have to, and it jeopardized our success in a very real way. Through a lot of hard work and very long hours to catch up during the times I could concentrate people didn't notice the full extent of how incapable I was at times. The long hours and 7 day work weeks has stretched my marriage thin and has really limited the time I've been able to spend with my kids (which causes more pain when I really think about it than I can express).
I mention all this b/c I've read several people's posts that describe themselves as a pretty normal person and have been surprised that there are many other "normal" people on these forums. So to all of us "normal" folks, here's to finding our path to not only success in breaking the patterns of P addiction, but to keep working to become who we want to be in all of our relationships!
The good news is that, as bad as things were, I've now got a much better balance between work and family and have really been able to make some progress on my relationship with my family. I wish the same joy of seeing progress to you also.... so I'll ask you the same question I ask myself daily.... what are you going to do DIFFERENTLY to become the person you want to be?
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Post by sawyer on Jun 11, 2007 10:18:56 GMT -5
I think that is the biggest thing that scares me the most when it comes time to tell certain people - that they view me as "normal" or the one "that has his (expletive) together" too. How will they react, what ripple effect will it cause, and how will their view of me change? But at this point in time during my recovery, I don't care, I just want to get better.
Although I have to admit this has been a rough couple days.
Keep at it! Keep making progress!
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startingggnow
Junior Member
MB free since June 11, 2007
Posts: 62
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Post by startingggnow on Jun 11, 2007 15:44:50 GMT -5
Hey, thanks for your comment. Reading your last post, I have to say I really liked the question you posed at the end. "What are we going to do DIFFERENTLY to become the person we want to be?" Such a good attitude to live by. I'm also impressed by your not counting days. That is the best way to do it. Instead of living a certain lifestyle for a certain number of days, just make the decision to live that lifestyle and go with it. By not counting days it accents the point that this is not a temporary decision, but a permanent one.
Keep fighting the good fight!
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Focused
Full Member
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it- Goethe
Posts: 149
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Post by Focused on Jun 16, 2007 13:35:01 GMT -5
Thanks guys- It's alway nice to log in and get an at-a-boy every now and then Startinggnow- the quote about looking at what we can do differently has been a bit of a mantra for me lately and some may be tired of seeing it, but it has been the reason I'm still clean. I don't feel like I'm really in a position to give a lot of advice when I post in other people's journals (although that rarely stops me from doing it anyway) and this is the one piece of advice that I've found myself saying over and over since I see so many people who seem to be struggling so much but never seem to mention anything they are trying to do differently to make their journey more successful. Granted everyone on these posts wants to give up P but we've all got to take steps, as small as these may be each day, to make changes in our lives so we can actually be successful with breaking the addiction and not having all the frustration/stress/escape/etc just get transferred to another negative behavior.... I think posting here has greatly helped me think through things like this and be able to express it and apply it to my life more consistently.... Things still going OK here. Been too busy to be tempted too much but I did go to a function where there were lots of good looking young women where I was the "official" photographer... there was some temptation to snap a shot or two that would be inappropriate. I found myself in auto-mode at one point and took a fairly innocent shot that I wished I hadn't and deleted it later. It was a good night since it reminded me I've still got a long way to go to not objectifying women... but it is getting better. Pura Vida!
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Post by DoubleA on Jun 16, 2007 13:46:12 GMT -5
I know what you mean about posting advice, even though it is the early recovery stages.
What I told Sawyer about that was that sometimes outsiders can provide a better perspective about our situations. It is so hard to examine ourselves in an objective manner, that anyone's advice helps, regardless of how "experienced" in recovery they are. I'm sure that we all have a little something to offer everyone else, no matter how trivial
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