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Post by Stillhopeful on Apr 21, 2005 19:22:10 GMT -5
Hi Choselife, That is a simple error on your part, and not deliberate. Can you sincerely apologise for the lapse and assure the father that you are prepared to put in extra hours (eg five-ten hours) for free, to make up for this mistake? Maybe the father has been burnt in his childhood and is busy paying the world back. Maybe he feels angry having a child with health issues. Is it possible to change your view of him from fear to compassion? Try not to be fearful of him but see him as a man in pain who needs some comfort. Your offer of free (or additional) services may be just what will help. I have a seminar to attend (given by someone I cannot stand - so I had best muster my own compassion ). I will check back in a few hours' time. Your problem is certainly solvable. Great minds here as a community can find a solution. Hang in there. All will be well! Still
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Post by choselife on Apr 21, 2005 19:27:23 GMT -5
Thanks for the response. Can't work the extra hours, because I work for an agency, so it just doesn't work that way.
But what you said made me think a bit more in terms of addressing the future with the parents, letting them know honestly (and hopefully diplomatic) that in working with the child, sometimes hard to keep track of the data, and the key point is absolutely guaranteeing and living up to the guarantee that going forward, the data would be there and would be shared daily if requested with the parents. I know those are good things for me to do, but the really messed up thing is this guy is a bit of a nut and ultimately I have zero control if he would try to screw me.
CL
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Post by choselife on Apr 21, 2005 19:27:47 GMT -5
Thanks for the response. Can't work the extra hours, because I work for an agency, so it just doesn't work that way.
But what you said made me think a bit more in terms of addressing the future with the parents, letting them know honestly (and hopefully diplomatic) that in working with the child, sometimes hard to keep track of the data, and the key point is absolutely guaranteeing and living up to the guarantee that going forward, the data would be there and would be shared daily if requested with the parents. I know those are good things for me to do, but the really messed up thing is this guy is a bit of a nut and ultimately I have zero control if he would try to screw me.
CL
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Post by choselife on Apr 21, 2005 21:36:41 GMT -5
Well, closing out day number 44 of sobriety, a substantial number if I do say so myself. I will always keep in mind that regardless of anxiety about challenges I have in my life, my sobriety is a great source of self-pride. Kind of like a beacon in the storminess of life! Sometimes (like now), it doesn't feel quite so important, but it still is just as important or perhaps more important than ever when I feel like I am struggling to feel good about myself regarding issues in life I am dealing with. A nice analogy would be to think of sobriety as a life preserver. And how self-destructive it would be to throw away my life preserver when in reality I need it the most. CL
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Post by Stillhopeful on Apr 21, 2005 22:45:41 GMT -5
Your sobriety is very important, CL. You were able to think clearly about what can be done about the issue you are facing, without the cloud of guilt and sadness associated with porn use. I like your idea of working with the parents in an assurance capacity, as you suggested. As soon as the father sees that you are keen to address the situation and how sincere you are in your regret and apology, he will soften. Work with him, not against him, and it will all work out. It is also a great learning experience re maintaining the finicky data reporting requirements, which should now be bumped up the priority list. I had best return to my own work, so bye for now. I am cheering you on. You are doing great! Still
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Post by dj2005 on Apr 21, 2005 23:52:25 GMT -5
hey CL- day 44 is wonderful! and it's great that, even with frustrations and days that aren't perfect, you are cruising through and maintaining your sobriety. be kind to yourself! treat yourself the same way that you treat me. if i deserve it, you do too dj
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Post by BeHereNow on Apr 22, 2005 5:04:20 GMT -5
Keep it up, CL! Just had chance to check back now. Sorry for not posting earlier. You continue to be an encouragement to me, and the fact that you've ridden this most recent wave despite all the issues at work just shows that your recovery is really taking root. It also seems to have given you the space and clear headedness to come up with the way to deal with it. I'm always a believer that honesty is the best policy.
As far as that old Mb thread was concerned, you remember correctly. You're also right that there is no sense in bringing the issue up again here. What that thread did help me with was finding a much clearer expression of, and reinforcing my own recovery plan. In fact it was invaluable in that respect.
Anyway, just wanted to wish you a happy passover. I'm off to the city to spend it with my folks. May not get chance to log on for a week, but I'll check the board when I get back.
Peace,
BHN
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Post by choselife on Apr 22, 2005 5:32:50 GMT -5
Still, DJ and BHN,
After reading your kind and caring replies, I realized that I consider all three of you true friends in the fullest sense. You care enough to truly listen and be there for me. It is helpful beyond words.
I always marvel how you manage to say so many of the exact things that I would say to you. I guess we all come from the same genetic tree, but maybe our genetic tree is far more recent than I might have thought.
BHN, really appreciate the Passover wishes. I forgot you knew I was Jewish, and I didnt know (or remember) that you were too. Have a happy Passover.
Last night, I reviewed the data. Not as bad as I thought. Its good to be honest and bad to be defensive, so I will explain the data, indicate was consistently reviewed by the clinical supervisor, and that now that the parents have indicated they want to follow their childs progress on a daily basis in more details, I will organize the data sheets on such a basis that it will be easy for them to follow. If they are all reasonable, it should be ok (I hope)
Seems obvious, but sometimes the reminder is necessary.
I can't overemphasize the importance of sobriety in this respect. That insight is a major incentive to stay sober, especially since it is such a solid long-term stress minimizer and is so empowering.
I truly love you guys. It is so terrific to have you guys out there at the farthest end from me in the US and England and Australia, feeling you right by my side, your voices actually inside my head. Your voices help me tremendously push out the addictive self-destructive voice in my own head.
CL
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Post by Stillhopeful on Apr 22, 2005 5:56:25 GMT -5
Good morning, CL. Your plan to revise the format of the data sheets so that they will be easier for the parents to follow is a great idea. Maybe you can show them a couple of alternative formats and let them choose a preferred one? By giving them a choice, they will feel more included and more in control of their son's progress. Just a thought. You know, while I am happy to cheer you on and help as best I can, I really appreciate your friendship as well. You have given me some great advice and support, particularly on the procrastination issue, which I have made a lot of headway with recently. I must also take this opportunity to wish you Hag Sameah for the coming Passover. Do not drink too much wine at the Seder! BeHereNow: If you read this, Happy Passover to you as well! Still
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Post by BeHereNow on Apr 22, 2005 6:27:25 GMT -5
Ditto. Thats what its all about. Thanks StillHopeful for the wishes too. Also wrote a little on the main thread about what it means to me. G-d bless, BHN
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Post by Padraig on Apr 22, 2005 7:10:08 GMT -5
CL,
Truly hope you get things worked out with your present situation. I've found this statement to be true throughout my life - Things always seem worse than how they actually turn out.
Anyway, just wanted to check in this morning and give you my support. Nothing more to add than what has already been said.
It's Friday, enjoy the weekend!
Stay Strong,
Paddy
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Post by choselife on Apr 22, 2005 7:20:01 GMT -5
Padraig,
A simple thanks never seems quite enough, so how about a simple very heartfelt thanks.
CL
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Post by dj2005 on Apr 22, 2005 10:44:58 GMT -5
you said: " I guess we all come from the same genetic tree, but maybe our genetic tree is far more recent than I might have thought." i had a similar thought-, that the relationships we've developed here are much deeper than they appear. we found each other because of our common past, but it's our common future of hope, possibilty, and peace that binds us. i'm happy to hear that your work issue is being successully resolved. nice job! have a great pasover peace, dj
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Post by applecar on Apr 22, 2005 13:12:54 GMT -5
Great job on day 44 CL!
Looks like the last couple of days have been tough, though, but you made it through. Your sobriety insight is right on. It's amazing how simply being sober changes your whole being, how it removes so much stress.
We needed the acting out before to relieve the stress that is often caused by the acting out in the first place.
It's great that you are able to recognize that work-related stress for what it is, and find the strength inside to get through it without acting out.
From reading your posts here and to others, it amazes me how gentle and thoughtful you are to others, but how much harder you are on yourself. I see those same patterns in myself and a lot of people in the SA/PA boat, but like dj said, just remember to treat yourself as well and as kindly as you treat others.
Not exactly sure what your profession is, but I know that any kind of social work/health work with kids can be very rewarding but also very stressful. It's hard not to take on their pain/stress/hurt. Keep your objectivity with work when you can. Use your empathy. And remember to give yourself the same.
Take care and see you on day 45!
applecar
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Post by choselife on Apr 22, 2005 20:42:30 GMT -5
Thanks again for your support, guys. Looks like what I thought might be a problem wont.
I will be away through Monday, so won't be posting at all. Which means that when you hear from me next, I will be sober for 48 days.
Again, your support is invaluable. Or as they say in the MasterCard commercial "priceless."
Be well all. DJ, BHN, Paddy and AppleCar, you all are doing great. Still, can't possibly thank you enough. So glad that I can also be helpful to you.
CL
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