Gaslighting and Reality

[zerotolerance]

Actually we're soo objectified they do think they can lie, and lie, and lie, and still get sex and love. That's how brainwashed they are when it comes to their view of women imo. We are suppose to just "okay then" "you stud man" "whatever you say". My h can still not imagine the idea that I a not a object like he projects. He thinks he thinks for me. And when I show him that he doesn't, he just goes deeper into denial. Despite having a loveless, sexless, hate filled marriage, he is STILL in denial. He won't get it until he is sitting alone in his crappy apartment. There were a couple of times where I *thought* I taught him I was not an object, but it didn't really register as if I am a person. It's more like we become bad, errant, objects, like when the car breaks down and needs repair. We need repair in their minds because we aren't acting like madonnas nor whrs. They don't know what to think when we insist on being neither because "we aren't suppose to do that". When all they know about women comes from p what do we expect them to know otherwise? I know we rightfully expect them to know we are not objects, but they reject that idea because it doesn't come from p.

[NGA]

I have been gaslighted since I was born. My father didn't love me, and every-time he picked me up I would scream, we have that recorded on old fashion tape. He left when I was three. My mom kept telling me all my life that I was his little princess and he loved me deeply. He never reached out to me, and when mom on force started sending me to him for summers, I did everything to avoid him, hung out with his new wife instead. As a child I just knew they were all wrong and the words coming out of daddy's mouth, didn't fit his eyes or actions. I knew everyone lied, but I was so sure of myself I never doubted myself, I never thought I was crazy. I was a child, and my instinct was right.

Then I married dads friend and neighbor. Bob tells me he married me for love and life. He doesn't understand why I am upset. The fact that he said he was happy I left him, was because he was angry. The love letters to his x girlfriend, the phone calls and the money he sends her, I am being overly jealous, she is just a friend. He cheated on me because he was so lonely and angry at me. He uses p because of an old habit. He let me spend coupe of nights outside in flipflop in march in New York on our honey moon, calling his x girlfriend, because I was being bad, and he was upset with me. He did try to call me but I would not pick up. Its all my fault. I am the crazy one. He is now trying to work it out, will I ever forgive him and get passed the passed? Or will I be hard hearted and hold grudges forever?

I have posted a thread about gas lighting yesterday. My council calls this short circuit. You get a short circuit in your head when you see someones body language, phone bills, emails, eyes, bodily distance, but hear him speak of love. Thats when your head goes on strike. Its called a short circuit. This is the most sophisticated level of manipulation.

OMG, the post about an abuser brainwashing his victim was amazing ZT! I have experienced every single thing on there, and then some.

My H didn't want me to work, I was supposed to spend all my time with him dependent on money and freedom. He went outside to call his mistresses while I was locked in his cage, I had no right to ask for nothing. For Sundays he would pick my clothes and wake me up for church. Before he woke me up, he would download hardcore p movies, then he would pick out proper clothes for me. On the way to church he would check out women and say stuff like "all Mexicans should be killed why do they exist". Then he would talk on the phone. The moment we pulled up to the church his eyes would water and he would say "God bless" and shake everyones hand. He would put the attention on "his beautiful wife" how I "recently found God" and "we are being tired". He cried sometimes in church.

This is one of the incidents. I was never upset when I was with him, I was feeling crazy, and that I really really needed a drink. I was obsessed with getting a drink. Things were way beyond wrong. They were so wrong, I didnt know what was up anymore. He had me for about two years and brain washed me. I am trying to recover from that now. I dont even remember how it all started, surely it wasent like that from the begining.

Inga

[zerotolerance]

Yeah me too, not exactly, but the same thing. It took a lot of concious effort for me to unbrainwash myself. I couldn't believe how many things I was "conditioned" into doing while trying to keep the peace that never came. I now examine everything I do. If it's a habit that I mindless repeat because that's the way HE likes it, I've eliminated it. It was hard but I managed to do it. We have to start examining every thought and every behavior we engage in, and determine if we are doing it for us, or because we were conditioned to do it? Where does the though originate? Who taught us to be this way? Do we think they are healthy people? Is there truth in what we are telling ourselves, or not? When we get the lies out, we stop doing a whole bunch of mindless habit things, or people pleasing things. We we'ren't put here to please other people who are self indulgent. We aren't their trophy wives. My h would do that crap, act all affection in pubic, then totally ignore me at home. It's confusing! It's fake! And the devils spawns love to fake out Christians the most imo so church is a good place to practice their deception. It's all about "image" not substanance to these guys. So they never have nothing. Just a fantasy view of themselves! We're looking for REAL, not FAKES. Fakes fk us up. But when we recognize it for what is, we can side step the fakes with ease. You've been taught that fake is real, but it's not. You know you weren't your dads lil princess, or he would have been there for you! And the worst emotional abuse is telling us we aren't hurt when we are! We shouldn't be taught to suck up pain and lies, we should be taught to reject them.

[unico]

I see terms like Gaslighting, Addict Speak etc etc and my brain just switches off. The only word/concept I concern myself with in relation to my addiction is Never. If more people were prepared to use it here at no-porn, there would be less 'gas' all round.

Unico

[lyssalanai]

Bump. Also important for newbies.