|
40 days
Aug 20, 2007 21:23:44 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Aug 20, 2007 21:23:44 GMT -5
Checking in clean today - Day 4 for me.
Keep it going fellas. Good to hear your staying strong!
cleantoday - Sept. 18th - 28 days left. capillarion - Sept. 14th - 24 days left. brighterside - Sept. 25th - 36 days left.
The days we have left are nothing compared to the lives we'll lead as sexually pure men. Peace
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 20, 2007 21:43:06 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Aug 20, 2007 21:43:06 GMT -5
I know what your saying cap - and I don't know how long you've been trying to beat this addiction so if you know this then I'm preaching to the choir, but entertaining those thoughts of girls and fantasizing will get you. It's happened to me many a times I'll see something I like out in public and then I'm entertaining that thought of her, and when I get home a lot of times, it was over before it started. I was back in the porn. So I'm sure your aware of that but I thought I would reiterate it. Here is some great advise that I found on a post from another board. I forget who posted it but it's good.
"If a fantasy thought appears I have to immediately squash it. I cannot entertain that type of thought.
Regarding looking at women sexually, I must make sure I look away immediately. No staring, no lusting. A quick awknowledgement that I'm tempted, a quick prayer for her and for me, and I move on. If i were to dwell beyond that, that would be violating my sexual purity."
keep it going capillarion and cleantoday - we will make it!
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 20, 2007 23:51:38 GMT -5
Post by Al on Aug 20, 2007 23:51:38 GMT -5
2 days sober, a new definition, a new start. 40 is not too far away.
Be well, Al
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 21, 2007 0:33:40 GMT -5
Post by cleantoday34 on Aug 21, 2007 0:33:40 GMT -5
Welcome Al. Just checking in at the start of day 13. It's great to feel you all with me in support of recovery. Today I am P and MB free. Just for today.
Good luck everyone. Stay strong and true. Togeather we can do this.
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 21, 2007 7:22:12 GMT -5
Post by capillarian on Aug 21, 2007 7:22:12 GMT -5
Good luck Al.
You're absolutely right Brighterside. I don't think I realized the extent of the damage gazing inappropriately can do to your recovery until I was addicted to MB for a couple of years. And even then, I may not have gazed, but I could have fantasized without realizing I was being tempted. Such a complex affair, really.
On day 17.. we'll make it guys!
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 21, 2007 14:35:46 GMT -5
Post by cleantoday34 on Aug 21, 2007 14:35:46 GMT -5
Just coming to the end of day 13. It has been a challenging day for me but I'm here and I'm clean and I'm darn well going to make it. I'm not going to let myself or you guys down. Keeping it real. Keeping clean.
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 21, 2007 22:44:41 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Aug 21, 2007 22:44:41 GMT -5
Clean another day. Thanks in no small part to you guys. There is a storm ahead, but if we keep committed to this accountability, we will make it through.
Welcome Al. We set some graduation dates if you would like to do that. Or you can just keep reporting your clean days it's cool. I think I speak for all of us when I say we are with you.
It's funny I'm looking at the times you guys report the end of the day and I'm like 'what?' Then I realize I'm on central time US, cleantoday is in Switzerland and capillarian is in the UK. Pretty funny but also very cool that we can be accountable to each other from all parts of the world. The internet has much value - not just trashy images.
Peace of mind
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 22, 2007 3:02:39 GMT -5
Post by cleantoday34 on Aug 22, 2007 3:02:39 GMT -5
Well said Brighterside. I'm very grateful for this forum and how we can all use the internet as a tool for recovery. Lets keep up the good work.
I'm reporting in for the start of day 14. Lets all stay strong and stay clean. Just for today.
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 22, 2007 3:48:23 GMT -5
Post by capillarian on Aug 22, 2007 3:48:23 GMT -5
Actually Brighterside, I'm in the Middle East at the moment, visiting family. So we're even more spread out than you think!
Day 18 man, nearly halfway already...
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 22, 2007 21:18:27 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Aug 22, 2007 21:18:27 GMT -5
You guys rock - your well on your ways! Checking in clean. Day 6. Tonight I've been having some rough urges to deal with but I knew to expect it. The last 3-4 days were somewhat of a breeze for me. Thanks for keeping me in check guys!
Peace of mind
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 23, 2007 0:52:19 GMT -5
Post by cleantoday34 on Aug 23, 2007 0:52:19 GMT -5
It's the start of day 15 for me. Had allot of stress and tension last night and there was a mild desire to act out. I'm glad I've got you guys going through this with me. It would be so much harder to do it alone. Stay true guys. We can all stay clean. We can be free men today.
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 23, 2007 23:36:05 GMT -5
Post by Brighterside on Aug 23, 2007 23:36:05 GMT -5
clean today - that makes 1 week. cleantoday - hang in there. Just a warning - that desire to act out will most likely get stronger. But that's almost good in a sense - if you can practice resistance. It will, in turn, make you stronger in what you want outta life. We need to reprogram our brains and the only way to go about it - is the hard way!
Peace of Mind!
Bright
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 24, 2007 0:58:35 GMT -5
Post by cleantoday34 on Aug 24, 2007 0:58:35 GMT -5
Day 16. Checking in for another day of sobriety. Yep Brighterside, the desire gets stronger and yet there is an unwillingness to follow it here. That doesn't mean I can take it in the least bit casually but there is an inner strengh and resolve this time that feels much stronger than before. It realy helps to be part of this thread though and I feel a strong determination from you guys which strenghens me.
So here's to another day as free men. Togeather we can do it.
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 24, 2007 3:27:38 GMT -5
Post by capillarian on Aug 24, 2007 3:27:38 GMT -5
Well said cleantoday. I'm on Day 20 - woohoo! Just two more days, and this is the longest I've ever been sober in my entire life!
I've got a problem though, and seeing as you guys are like accountability partners to me, I might as well say it. In fact, it's more like two problems..
1) The first time I went sober this long, women stopped appearing like sex objects to me, and I think that enabled me to be much more confident in life. I was treating people much more fairly, I wasn't acting strangely around women, and I didn't have any fears in being myself - because I knew I was stronger than the temptation.
However, because of this, I think I was successful in attracting a particular lady (lady M, let's say), and it seemed like we were getting on fantastically as friends.. but I knew in my heart that I didn't want it to go any further, as I was in the midst of fighting off a terrible affliction, and to have a lady in my life that I thought of in a "sexual" way wouldn't have helped me at all.
Unfortunately, I did get a little attached to her, although only because I really enjoyed talking to her (nothing more than that). Then, about a month ago, she just stopped contact with me. Just like that. Didn't respond to messages left online, nor text messages on her phone, nothing. So for one week, I was in the dumps.. just like that. And of course, when I'm in pain, I tend to fill my life with.. something you guys know all too well. It would have been OK if she had just left me in that state for a while, as I would have built myself back up eventually.. but then she messaged me a week ago, out of the blue! At that point, I was coming to this forum more often, and I was, oh, 13 days into sobriety. I was feeling alright, but that message totally threw me off, and got me to thinking about her again.. I'm only JUST starting to forget about her now, but I need some advice. Anyway, that's problem 1.
2) This is much more serious than 1. I've been in an intense internship for the past 7 weeks, and I'm in a task group with one other guy, and two girls. One of the girls (let's call her lady Y)is, no doubt about it, attractive. But during my first attempt at sobriety, I never expressly admitted this to myself. I just thought, "She is a handsome woman. But think about this way: she is someone's daughter, someone's sister. What would you think about her if she was your sister?" And most times, that did the trick. I just treated her as if she was a sister, and we got along just fine.
But ever since the one-week incident with porn (where I was trying to get over lady M) I've been tending towards a more sexual view of lady Y. What didn't help at all is when I used to stay late at my job after the others had left, and get the old-timers coming over to me and commenting on "that fine piece of (expletive)". I usually didn't have a choice other than to agree with them. They also said it must be difficult to concentrate on my work with her dressed like she usually is, and saying things like she ought to be more careful in her attire, and I wanted to rebutt against them with "she's only dressed as sexually as you want her to be". Meaning that, it doesn't matter if a naked woman walks into the room; how much you ogle her and how much you let in your temptation is entirely in YOUR control.
But recently, that doesn't seem to be the case. Sure, there are times when she could be more careful in what she's wearing, but I'll be honest; 90% of the time she's wearing perfectly modest clothing. I really hate having to think about her in this way; it's degrading for her, and it's degrading for me. Is there any way you guys recommend to stop trying to "sexualize" a woman that you have to see almost everyday?
|
|
|
40 days
Aug 24, 2007 15:16:33 GMT -5
Post by cleantoday34 on Aug 24, 2007 15:16:33 GMT -5
Hey Capillarian. I work as a Hairstylist in a very trendy salon. I work woman who are very attractive all day, every day. It's a razors edge. I feel that you and me are both early in our recovery process and it is important to be gentle with ourselves. I see all kinds of thoughts entering my head about these woman and I don't have to touch any of them. I know what happens if I start to follow those lust thoughts and it's just a slippery slope that I've gone down enough times to know better. As for the other guys coming in with the comments about lady Y. Those projections belong to them and you don't need to touch them either. I often feel compassion for guys like this who I meet alot in my work. I was like them. I saw woman as lust objects. I know there pain and I know the gratitude of breaking free. I don't need to tell them that there projections are wrong but I also don't have to agree with them. It sometimes feels uncomfortable but I've taken a stand here and I'm not going back. I still have tendencys to follow those thoughts. 15 days ago I went cold turkey and just as a ceiling fan takes time to stop. Just as it spins slower and slower for a few moments after the power is switched off. So too does the tendency towards habit. Be patient and gentle with yourself. It sounds like you are doing just great. I feel your resolve and commitment. We're in this togeather and togeather we can go all the way.
|
|