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Support Board :: General :: Recovery Journals :: Freya's recovery Page 1 of 30 » Jump to page   Go     Author Topic: Freya's recovery (Read 6,566 times) Clean2day Tribal Elder member is offline What God has washed Clean; No man can make dirty Joined: May 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,284 Location: Ohio USA Re: Freya's recovery « Thread Started on Mar 22, 2005, 5:13am » I read your post and I can trully feel for you.... Your mother saying that it is your fault your H uses because you are not a good house keeper..... Hay I understand! he comes home looks and the coffee table sees a speck of dust.... "I'll fix her!!! I'll turn on the computer!!!!" Maks since to her anyway.... The guy you are nice enough to call a DR? he is not good... Reminds me of the one my ex an dI had. Said that I must be queer because we didn't have sex when we were in jr. hi..... These people that get everything from a book don't know their a** frome a hole in the ground... { sorry, that's American for "stupid!"} If you feel your SA is doing good then you are the one that would know. Sorry Sandy about being so like I am here you have every right to feel scaried but as a guy I know we don't talk about everything and it is like if we can not fix it then somehow we really arn't a man. Talk to him with out TV and kids and stuff alone hold his hand and tell him how proud of him you are for trying so hard like you said. Tell him how hurt you were when he was useing and how much you love him..... We guys don't know a lot of time how to say those things but when a beautiful woman says them tous it does make us want to try so hard to please her. He is lucky to have someone like you.... Well I am just Clean2day Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged "When you need a victory, Jesus gives it. When you need a friend, Jesus will be there. When you need to talk, Jesus will listen. And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close. Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988 Danielle Guest Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #1 on Mar 22, 2005, 10:34am » I wish I could have been there when you grilled the therapist. Good for you. Rendered him speechless. Haha. Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged cflanders Tribal Elder member is offline Joined: Oct 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 2,453 Location: Pacific Northwest Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #2 on Mar 22, 2005, 6:46pm » The idiot jerk broke a code of professional ethics and expects you to cover for him?? Did you actually PAY this guy your hard-earned money??? Outrageous. How about you print our a few 'qualified' articles, but that I mean from an educated therapist about porn and sex addiction and then wash your hands of this incompetent. (If he's 70, he's not going to change but at least you can say you made an effort to get him into this freakin' century.) Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Clean2day Tribal Elder member is offline What God has washed Clean; No man can make dirty Joined: May 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,284 Location: Ohio USA Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #3 on Apr 1, 2005, 12:22am » frera NOW COME ONE GIRL!!!! You are not back in Jr Hi are you? Well sometimes it would not be that bad.... Gosh all the really crushes that went on and all the times writing note to them when the triangle was there. You know I love her, she love him and he doesn't know she is even in the building..... I guess I got it backwards for you women but I think it still was there. This sounds like he is really with you I know when I started to get clean what a diffence my wife was.... I never changed always the sweet inocent guy that I am ... HEE HEE.... No coming out of that P* fog as it be, I was able to see and maybe even start to understand her. Seeing her as a person again..... You are right fra it is love all over again this time no triangle. Good luck with that kitchen it sounds like you have something going for you now. Frh Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged "When you need a victory, Jesus gives it. When you need a friend, Jesus will be there. When you need to talk, Jesus will listen. And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close. Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988 Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #4 on Apr 1, 2005, 7:04pm » LOL Clean, yeh it is a bit like jr high sometimes, even he is feeling a bit like that at times too.. it's sensational to feel that spark coming back in though. Finally he is affectionate and it is REAL, finally I can show some real affection.. makes a difference and certainly shows on our faces. He is serious this time, he is happy that we are seeing a new therapist, he is happy to see us finally getting back on track. This is the best we have been together for a LONGGG time and I think him feeling the difference will keep him determined. Proud of him.. yet (expletive) scared too SAn Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #5 on Apr 3, 2005, 4:56pm » Weekend been and gone.. kitchen not touched *sigh* What happened? Pot, alcohol. Laziness, lying around, playing need 4 speed UG2... oh how lame IS this addiction really? Does anyone have N4Sug2?? Come on.. tell me it triggers you... I bet it does.. for I have found it is triggering my SA. FFS!!!! Is there NOTHING we can do that won't trigger him? Sad.. but true.. he has his favorite bits on there, ie the startup screen that shows a new seductive shot of the main star of the game.. (in visuals) then of course there are more films of her photo's during the game aswell... and yes.. SA likes to look at them. I commented on how sad I think he is, I commented on a lot of things.... yet.. in my state of mind right now.. I dont' care.. let him fantasize over a drawing.. a computer generated image.. COMPLETELY PRETEND!!! I told him last night... that I am on a mission of self improvement.. I have gained weight because of my meds, I am about to lose it. I am not drinking any alcohol, water now.. trying hard to set a good example.. and pot is out of the question.. yes I have smoked with him.. but never anywhere near like what he smokes. But.. I told him, I am cleaning up.. I am going to have my skin looked at, perhaps go for some dermabrasion and lasar treatment, I am going to get slim again, to feel healthy, I am going to move forward in my life.. and leave him way behind.. because I am dead serious in my recovery. Somehow with those comments, I think I will end up alone in te not too distant future, but then again, I see a new determination in his face.. he doesnt' want to be left behind. Oh, he went to the dr on SAturday to renew his zoloft script.. his dr gave him a number for drug/alcohol rehab.. I wonder if he will take the hint. My guess, probably not.. FFS, a game triggers my SA? Now that is getting purely pathetic! San Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Clean2day Tribal Elder member is offline What God has washed Clean; No man can make dirty Joined: May 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,284 Location: Ohio USA Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #6 on Apr 3, 2005, 11:20pm » san You keep up what is best for you.... Sorry about him I don't know how you feel about the God thing, I am a believer but I will tell you one thing about 'addiction'. Def: Addiction- a God that someone worships when they can not find the real God. This covers everything from love novels shopping gambling or any of the idols we will build for ourselves. Trying not to preach but a God is what we will do anything for no matter what the price. Yes, if you read my thread for Sat you will find that a lot of things can set me off and the lust is my biggest stumbling block. It is not what tempts us it is what we do with that temptation. The "I can use or I can leave it alone". I believe this deals with most of what we fight. Part of his trouble might be the pot. He probly smoked when he was seeking the P*. Like cegerattes and coffee. They go to gether I have always smoked when I drank so one sets off the desire for the other. My HO. But you keep up the work for SANDY here! Frh Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged "When you need a victory, Jesus gives it. When you need a friend, Jesus will be there. When you need to talk, Jesus will listen. And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close. Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988 Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #7 on Apr 4, 2005, 6:42pm » Todays post is on the General board:: http://lightwave.proboards15.com/index.c....2652035&start=0 Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #8 on Apr 19, 2005, 10:10pm » Haven't posted here in a while, I guess because I haven't had a lot to say! Anyway, we have a new counsellor, she is great!! She admitted to me before we saw her that she wasn't up with sex addiction... but she would study it in an attempt to help us. Turns out she has done her homework! She is really helpful, not so much in telling us stuff as the fact that she can extract the 'right' answers from US.... she knows exactly what she's doing. As for my SA and I, her help has been so positive, that we are actually already improving our relationship, after just 2 visits... HOWEVER: We had a couple of major accidents that got way too nasty.. and I want to put them down in writing as a reminder to myself of just how easily things can explode here. As some of you here know, my partners best mate is also an alcoholic and SA. Not the best of friends either, as he is always stirring things up.. sometimes intentionally upsetting us to the extent that we don't get along.. bringing up the past ALL the time, referring to the past as favorable times.. all the (expletive)es in the past were better than the ones they have now and so on... Well.. the mate is moving out of town (silent YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), so my man is helping him move some stuff, plus they had to get some wood for winter etc.. they've been together a lot. What I notice after they are together is the "I AM THE MAN" attitude that comes home with my SA.. and the immediate lack of respect for me. So.. what happened? This is... TOTALLY rediculous ok! SA came home the other night and told me he had to go get my other lounge suite from the mate's place (he had stored it there for my ex), takes off at about 5pm and tells me he will be home soon, just getting the lounge and coming straight back. I normally have dinner ready by 6.30, so was preparing HIS favorite meal to be ready by then (he requests dinner by that time so he is free after that). SA gets home at 7pm.. dinner is just being served because i put it off in the hope he wouldn't be long.. well dinner was pretty well ruined, I wasn't overly impressed. (Corned beef etc) So.. I commented on how a courtesy call wouldn't have hurt, his mate lives 5mins away, it isn't like he was in another suburb.. could he let me know if he is going to be late so I don't keep cooking and I can put it on a plate for him for later. OK, my fault for not serving up dinner at the right time, but this meal was for HIM, my kids don't particularly like it. ..................more........................... Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #9 on Apr 19, 2005, 10:11pm » The response? OH FFS< HERE WE GO AGAIN< rant rave tantrum swear some more tell me how bad I am, don't cook for him any more, don't do anything for him any more blah blah. I'm like.. WTF?? SO I retaliated with some harsh words & asked wasn't he taught manners and the likes.. got nastier.. well hey this went on and on and on.. he wouldn't leave me alone, every time he spoke I asked him to leave me alone and go settle himself down. But no.. he was following me around the house yelling abuse at me etc. I threatened to call the police, he was totally offf the planet and wouldn't let me be. I was screaming, crying, scared, he was confronting me.. nose to nose.. spitting (literally) words at me, my face was wet.. I spat in his face.. twice.. I threw his dinner on the floor, smashed the plate, food everywhere, and threw the leftovers and my meal outside for the dogs so there was nothing left of the meal for SA to eat. He was livid, so was I, be buggered if I'm going to feed an a$$hole like that. All I asked for was a courtesy call. He was home yesterday, sick, lucky for him no work on (bricklayer) so he could lie in bed all day. We didn't speak, only when we had to.. like when his dad dropped in for coffee.. acted normal.. then didn't speak again till about 4.30 last night when I told him it was almost time to leave for our counselling appointment. UH OHHHHH, I had the appt time wrong.. I said it was at 5, he said he thought 6, I went on to say the woman didn't like working after 6, but started to look for the card... I was in huge trouble because.. as I found out.. the appointment was at 6. Thing is.. he went on another rampage, chasing me around the house abusing me.. I ran outside& he was still chasing me and I was begging for him to just leave me the hell alone. This went on.. we got in the car at 5.45 for our 6pm appointment and went and sat in that office and she asked how we had been going - we were supposed to be acting like there were no problems in our relationship. We sat in silence, she got it all out of us.. and offered us some suggestions and we offered our own. Thing is.. in counselling.. he can tell her how he feels about me.. but he can't tell ME? What's with that? He even said stuff about the physical me that I never knew.. proudly telling her that at 41, I still get asked for ID at the local over 28 club to make sure I'm old enough to get in and so on. I was amazed to hear him speak of me like this at all. He also swore he had been clean for months, and told her he has trouble that I won't beleive in it.. that I still doubt him. She told him under the circumstances, I have a right to ask questions.. apparently the way I ask is correct, ie not aggravating to him.. and that he should respond without anger. If anger shows up we are to wear a hat.. that is our time out hat.. ie if I wear the hat it means please do not speak to me right now I am angry. When we simmer down, THEN we talk, without anger and raised voices. .................. and more...................... Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #10 on Apr 19, 2005, 10:11pm » Funnily enough, after 2 days of not getting along, an hour with her, and we were so so close again, very very lovey dovey, we both know we have too much good, and he even said last night to our lady.. that there is so much going for us he isn't going to give up, he wants to do what he has to to keep us together. Also, he admitted to her that it was NOT his mate who had the perving problem, it was him.. that HE was the worst influence in their frienship and that it bothers his mate just how bad his head swinging is, and his mind. That's a MAJOR for us.. he is admitting his downfalls, for I have admitted all of mine and I guess now he see's that it didn't hurt me to be open and honest so he is following suit. My friend/neighbour rang me this morning to see if I was ok.. she had heard us last night and told me this morning that perhaps it was time? I explained everything to her, she had a good laugh with me over his tantrum (which is a major improvement on my usual response which is tears and covering up for him). Nice of her to care enough to call me. I am not well today (losing my voice and all dangit! lol thank goodness I can type still!) so have only just got out of bed, I feel relaxed, I feel calm, I don't feel like we have been arguing. We are at peace, he rang me before and was sweet as he used to be, we remained positive, all rosey. Every week we are to go somewhere for an hour and discuss our relationship.. hopefully this will work. And the hats, we have hats EVERYWHERE, we WILL stick to it.. in order to keep some calm. Oh.. AND... this morning he realised he had missed a zoloft sometime in the last few days.. hmmm!! So that's where we're at. Oh.. the kitchen is looking fantastic, getting some very favorable comments, I'm thrilled to bits with it, it's CLEAN and fresh and ever so inviting.. the extra colour I included really won SA - he wants a feature wall in the lounge room now and possibly our bedroom.. oh he who was scared of colour LOL! Must go and do my chores, loads of washing to do.. I just love doing housework...... NOT! cheers, San Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #11 on Apr 20, 2005, 7:31pm » This disturbs me.. but why is it that my SA partner now tells me.. that if he slips and buys a magazine he isn't going to even fess up.. SO's have no say in anything really, I'm getting fed up with all the BS in part, I have to just hope every day he is being honest with me? HMMM The ups and downs of my emotions are annoying me.. one minute on a high, feeling good about life, thinking my SA is doing something about his addiction, then wondering, day in day out.. if he has lied to me.. how do we get thru the lies? How do we learn to trust again? Sux hey.. and being also from the other side, I know the fears etc that come with being an SA, and the reasons we hide things. I don't.. not any more.. because I take responsibility for everything I do now.. if I stuff up.. so be it.. if I succeed.. I've done good. I won't slip again, because I don't want to be a sleazy old lady.. and I would hate for my kids/friends/family to think I am.. so I choose every day to stay clean and honest.. and I now expect the same in return... how to get it? beats the hell out of me! San Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Clean2day Tribal Elder member is offline What God has washed Clean; No man can make dirty Joined: May 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 1,284 Location: Ohio USA Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #12 on Apr 28, 2005, 5:11am » Sandy You have never nor will be a 'sleezy ol lady'. You might be a lady that did and maybe will make some bad mistakes but that is whathumans do best. Your SO and the lies.... if someone is in recovery the lies have to go. There is no 'I'm not going to hurt her/him thing. The lie if never found out hurts both you and your partner. Now if they don't want to know I can understand but somehow you have to fess up or your headed for a big slip. I do not like that word because it makes it sound so unimportant like Oh heck I just shot my big toe off I just slipped. Well maybe that is a little extream but if I fall I have fallen but of I slip no biggie. I'm out of here for now but I want Sandy to write 1000 times. "I am the best there is and nobody is more beautiful than me" You have your homework now sit down and do it {{{{HUGS}}}} « Last Edit: Apr 28, 2005, 5:11am by Clean2day » Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged "When you need a victory, Jesus gives it. When you need a friend, Jesus will be there. When you need to talk, Jesus will listen. And if you need to cry, Jesus will hold you close. Rev E. O. Hilt 1908 - 1988 Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #13 on Apr 28, 2005, 6:44pm » Me again (duh) thanks for your post C2d. I agree the lies have to go.. and while my partner says they have gone.. I am still finding it hard to beleive. I guess this is because he also says he will stop smoking pot.. then keeps it up.. stop drinking.. keeps it up.. stop ogling? bet he keeps that up too.. just he is in that lovely position where he doesn't have to tell me. why is it.. that men have that right.. that right to secrecy.. or so it seems.. that us women do NOT have? Why is there this unwritten law? Honestly.. do the men here REALLY think that is fair? Sure.. women are the talkers, the emotional ones.. but don't we have the right to security and honesty? Hmm.. in this day and age.. I think not. I think all we have a right to do is cook and clean.. that is.. if we're not the budding young things men seem to prefer.. if we're that budding young thing? We don't need to do anything but act sexy. Life as a woman isn't easy. And LIfe being compared with the likes of the above.. isn't easy.. we don't compare our men.. why should we be put in that place? We don't even compare P's's.. I have NEVER looked at a guy and thought.. gee 'peter's' legs were much better than this.. oh and john's private parts were much bigger, oh and mark doesn't have saggy balls.... do we? No.. I think not.. not in the majority.. but I have been compared like that and it appears to be a bit of a joke among men.. a joke.. to ridicule their own.. while admiring another.. a joke.. to pull the piss out of your own.. while admiring another.. a joke.. to make your mrs feel like crap... while you're out beefing up your manhood... Yes, I know.. I have done the reverse.. that was when my addiction was active.. but I am over it.. and I questioned my own motives.. but now I question the man's side.. because they do seem to have more rights than us women. We are the comforters, the maids, the lover, the hooker, the child, we are everything in one body... and the man just has to be a man. Women have too much pressure on them.. I hate that. I dunno what I'm even writing here, just rambling my thoughts.. letting them out because I've been quiet at home lately and not been social at all. On the homefront.. well we went camping.. as usual it was great fun, we are at our best out in the bush, nothing can ruin our fun, nothing can surpass the beauty of the aussie outback, the aussie animals, the birds, oh it's bliss!! We take our dogs.. the minute they see the bowls go in they know where we're going.. (we drive for over 4hrs), they go nuts. SA drives a navara 4x4 twincab.. perfect vehicle for us.. we take a trailer with motorbikes & boat on it.. have all the comforts of home but camp style LOL.. once we get up there & the dogs are let off.. we feel instant peace. Our dogs? I have 2 toy poodles, and SA has a Great DaneXgreyhound (as big as me LOL) and they're fantastic campers! Got a couple of fish on the weekend which was fun too, I love fishing, all the better if they're on the bite. to be continued.... coz I feel like just rambling Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. Freya Tribal Elder member is offline Lies are distructive, they are killing me..... Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,914 Location: Australia Re: Freya's recovery « Reply #14 on Apr 28, 2005, 7:06pm » See? I'm back... I just wanted to ramble on with my inner feelings I guess.. stuff I dont' let out.. stuff I am dealing with on the inside. firstly there is my relationship with SA.. that always has me somewhat on edge.. although now, he is treating me the way I deserve, he really is being lovely to me.. but I still wonder about his outside activities.. I mean gee.. he's been told by a couple of counsellors hasnt' he.. that all men do it.. he can be shown how to do it wihtout me knowing.. or without me being hurt by it.. or he is just entitled to do as he pleases and not tell me. OK.. fine.. do it that way.. I know I don't need to be told.. it all comes out in the wash eventually.. I'm not overly stressed by his behaviour right now anyway.. just it is in the back of my mind. then there is my beautiful 14yo son... he is so devine... he is a role model for teenagers, good morals (so far), his head really is screwed on the right way, he is lovely to everyone, he is very very personable, smart, he is working his hardest at school and acheiving at last! He cooked dinner last night.. I have had a cold, didn't feel much like cooking.. well my little man did it and it was superb, we worked together (as he is learning of course) and it was great fun! My 9yo is a concern right now. He has just been to school camp. He isn't getting along too well with kids at school, all a bit messy but I'll try and explain. In our street, across the road and about 3 doors down there is a house full of women & girls. We call them the ferals, there are 4 generations there, they're all single, there are 3 little girls, one has been removed because she was swinging knives and had a plastic bag over her head and was going to kill herself. The youngest one appears to be removed aswell, I know she didn't go to school last year and was supposed to. The middle one is 9.. friend of my sons.. although he is not allowed in that house ever again. It is the local wh*rehouse, well except they don't get cash for sex LOL.. they are drug dealers, there are men in and out all day every day.. the women are sl*ts.. the kids.. I feel sorry for them. then down the other end of the street is a girl called Amy.. her mother (along with the ferals) is a blonde.. my SA loves ogling her and the ferals.. amy used to be friends with the ferals 9yo aswell.. which meant my son knew her, my 14yo knows her 13yo son aswell.. Well, amy's mum was going out with this guy.. she is 30, he was 24.. he decided he wanted to bang a feral instead.. ended up going out wiht a feral and amy's mum decided to come up and create a scene, she was out the front of the house screaming abuse.. it ended up ugly.. threats to cut heads off etc.. which we take seriously as there has already been a stabbing there. Anyway, the house is smashed up on the inside, amy's mum's car is smashed into.. it got nasty, police attended.. you get the picture? So.. thus amy & the feral kid are no longer friends, but my son and the feral kid remain friends.. so amy is now giving my kid a hard time.. amy's brother is hanging (expletive) on my 14yo (which isn't a bother because the 14yo is very popular and nobody upsets him much lol), So then there is another kid up the road, also friends with the feral, also friends iwth my son but not friends with amy.. the mother of that girl doesn't talk to me any more because (I assume) I am walking with another neighbour.. it's all very fickle I tellya. Well she doesnt' want to talk to my son any more either.. and I'm asuming thats coz I'm walking with this other person... This neighbourhood is hilarious beleive me... I dont' care for many of them, and what they say doesn't bother me.. (they all don't like SA except the one I walk with & beleive I have tamed him) So.. because things are messy with my 9yo and the girls in the street he was a bit insecure with going to school camp.. but the killer??? He didn't want to go because he feels he needs to be with me to protect me. What if I get hurt? Who's going to take care of me.. the likes.. And.. sadly.. first time I've heard this.. he was scared my SA would hurt me he would NEVER hurt me.. never hurt anyone.. he can't .. his conscience won't allow it.. if he was going to ever hit me.. then the other night would have been the time it would have happened.. it wasn't a pretty argument.. So.. what do I do about this ? I have no idea.. but I need to wean him OFF me a bit.. stop making him feel responsible for my well being.. he needs to be a child! I'm gonna stop now.. I'm just thinking on a screen (thinking thru a keyboard?) Right now.. life really is good, I'm actually starting to relax and enjoy life again... I'm looking forward to my man coming home.. and greeting me with a smile a kiss and a cuddle and our usual sit down and talk.. we really are bonding again, and I feel that rush every time I see him.. (you girls know what I mean).. he really excites me.. stimulates me.. when he is the guy I met and fell in love with.. he is everything in the world to me.. he really is.. and right now I have that man again and it feels fantastic. Now to work on communication, trust, and eradicating those hurtful behaviours .. Today.. I think we will make it.. Today.. I want it to work.. Today.. I feel refreshed, I am in love, I am feeling better by the day.. he really is trying and so am I.. and with both of us putting in a conscious effort, we are making way for a much happier future together. My fingers are SO crossed. San Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Striving to be the best I can be.. Learning self honesty and self respect.. My first post:: http://lightwave.proboards48.com/index.c....read=1089070742 I want to be in control of my life and make informed POSITIVE decisions... *sigh* 6yrs clean as an SA, 4yrs as an SO. 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